Please help
Hello, I am new to this site and have come because I have no idea what to do anymore. I am 28 and my boyfriend is 37. He has 3 daughters who he has full custody of and they have visitation with their mother twice a month . The mother does NOTHING for the kids and I do everything. The kids and I love each other very much. The mother is constantly disrespecting me to them telling them I am crazy psycho tells them lies to get them to hate me but even a 9 year old stands up for me. This is taking a huge toll on one of the kids who breaks down to me about how sad it makes her how her mother is pressuring her to say she wants to come live with her or they will never see their cousins again, she does to me telling her she pushes her to choose even tho they have been in his custody since kindergarten . The oldest is graduating high school and the mom does not want her so now that she just turned 18 she wants custody of the you get 2 and tells them that now that she is an adult she will leave. She cries to me that she is scared to let her mom find out that she is with me even tho we live together. I fully take care of them ... They come home in size 8 underwear when they are a size 14... She uses the one bribes her because she knows that she is emotional and a follower not a leader ... Part of me thinks I should leave because I can see how much damage their mother is doing to her because of me but I can't leave them I do so much for them that I'm terrified to leave. She poured hot sauce in her mouth and made her hold it because she was mad. ... I have no idea what to do and it's heartbreaking because I will do anything to protect them but I can't protect them from their mother. She's mentally effecting the. And there is nothing I can do. I want to take legal action but I don't even know what I could possibly do.
You as a step-parent can't do
You as a step-parent can't do anything but their father can. If she is abusing the children as well as alienating them from their father he can ask the court that she be limited to supervised visitation. That is where a third party watches her as she interacts with them often at the observers place of business instead of at one of the homes.
I.e. Mommy visits her kids at a court ordered location supervised by a court ordered monitoring person and Daddy (or you) delivers them and picks them up.
It can be expensive and difficult to achieve. Also expensive but easier to arrange is counseling for your whole family. Usually starting with the two parents the children are soon taken to the sessions. Sometimes insurance will help. After determining who the problem is the counselor should be able to help the children decide fact from fiction and how to overcome their undeserved guilt.
I have that issues with the
I have that issues with the real mother for my stepkids she sends my dirty and mean messages. she says she will take care of them but she wont and The same for me i have to deal with it. I am scared when my stepkids get older they will actually hate me because I am not there real mother. But my boyfriends ex wife she takes pictures from me and claims shes raising them and makes fake facebook accountsI know Exactly How you feel. I have been called every name in the book. I want peace that isnt ever going to happen
Hang In There.
My SD's mom tried to pull the
My SD's mom tried to pull the same thing when SD was 4. Using her as a parrot to repeat all the mean things to me, therefore instilling that awful opinion of me into a sponge like mind. I took SD aside and told her "you know I love you, You know I care for you and do everything that mommies do for their kids. I see you as my own child and I love you as my own child. You know me and you know those mean things aren't true. If your mom or anyone else has anything mean to say to me you need to tell them to be an adult and tell me themselves because you aren't a parrot to repeat whatever they say. You are smart and you know what is right and wrong, and what they are doing is wrong. This is the only time I will have this conversation with you. Next time you repeat a hurtful message to me, You will get spanked. Do you think it is right for you to get in trouble for something your mother said?" After that I have never heard another "my momma says your a ....." again.
As far as her physically punishing them like the hot sauce incident, Your husband/boyfriend needs to document and address those concerns in court if you believe or the kids are telling you they are being abused.