Not sure if this is the right place for this or what.
Before I start with my question, I want to say that I am NOT one of *those* BMs. My exhusband, other than paying child support, has NOTHING to do with my bios. He did see my daughter at thanksgiving, but that was the first time he'd seen her in years and she wanted to go to see her step mom and step brother. My son hasn't seen him or spoken to him in about 4 years. He didn't even so much as call on xmas to say happy xmas, much less get them anything. Not seeing him was a choice HE made, not me. He decided he didn't want to bother I guess. He is in the military and lives a few states away.
He is currently paying the same amount of child support he did when we got divorced 6 years ago. He's not gotten promoted, but he has gotten pay raises and such. Right now I am currently looking for a job, but given that he does nothing, never helps with school clothes, never sees them, has nothing to do with them, I want him to start paying more child support. Given their ages and the raise in how much it costs to take care of kids, what he pays just isn't cutting it anymore. If I didn't need the money I wouldn't care, but I do. I need him to start helping and I know he won't bother to see them (which to be practical would help offset some of the costs).
Our child support case is currently based in CA, where we were living when we got divorced but where neither of us live now. Child support in my state is based on over night visits. I recently went and figured it all up on the state's child support calculator after looking to see how much he makes on the military's pay scale. According to the calculator, he is paying less than half of what he would be paying if I went to get a modification.
My questions are:
1- If the calculator is wrong and I would end up getting less than what I do now (which would be a DISASTER), would they still push it through?
2- Would I need to get a lawyer to get my case moved from CA to the state I live in now? I really can't afford one.
3- If I get the CS modified, how long would it take?
Yes, regardless of the
Yes, regardless of the current support, whatever amount comes up in a hearing to ammend will apply.
I don't know what needs to happen to move a case from one state to another. I know that BM & DH had theirs moved from one jurisdiction to another, but it wasn't out of state.
I would strongly recommend contacting several different lawyers. Find out if they offer free consultations (many of them do). They'll get a general idea of what your case is about & they would be able to give you some better advice on how to proceed.
Even if you can't afford to have one go to court with you, a lot of times you can pay to consult with them to find out how to file paperwork or you can pay them to file the paperwork for you & you can represent yourself before the judge.
1. Yes, unfortunately that is
1. Yes, unfortunately that is the gamble you must take if you take him back to court for a modification. Since you don't find out the decision until after it's made, whatever decision the court or whatever you use to enforce CS makes is the final word. You can always appeal it, but that isn't always successful. Keep in mind if he has new dependents, if his taxes got raised (as all of ours did), health insurance increased etc. these are all things that can lower the amount.
2. You'll probably need a lawyer for this one. Many states don't want to let go of a case because the federal government gives them kickbacks for how much child support each state collect. So they probably won't be quick to release your case to another jurisdiction, especially an out of state one, even if they should.
3. I believe it depends on, as derb said, on the backlog of the state. However, there is often a date of effect, and if he missed that, he'll have to pay back childsupport for the period between the date of effect and when you received the actual notification.
Can I ask why you didn't work
Can I ask why you didn't work before this? I have a problem with BM's not working and just living off of CS. You can not make him want to spend time with his children. As long as he is paying his CS, that is all you can ask of him. I would also ask myself, why he doesn't want to deal with his kids. Have you made it difficult for him? Have the kids?
My BM would probably say bad things about DH and I, if asked. Would they be accurate, no, but they are her perception. What is his? If it is difficult to see them, then eventually he stops trying. My father did this with my sisters. He is fine with it now. But, they made him miserable so he eventually quit trying. DH tried with his SD, she made him miserable, he only sees her once a month at the most for a lunch. All he can handle right now.
If you get a job, which you should have anyway, then you can help provide for your kids. It should be 50/50. You both had them. I wouldn't take him back to court, since that can go either way. If he is current and has had no promotions, I would be greateful that he does pay and is not a pain.
I did work before. I own a
I did work before. I own a small internet based web design business and I was doing data base design and administration for a few small European car dealerships. I also did photography on the side. I work from home. Since the economy tanked etc, the car dealerships slowly shut down shop and went out of business. My web design is going really slowly. Which is why I know I need to get an outside job because my other stuff just doesn't produce a reliable income anymore, no matter how much I work my ass off. I've never just lived off of CS.
I also never made it difficult for him. He made promises to the kids that he would not keep, big ones, and would say he was going to come get them and then wouldn't and would never have a good excuse. He hurt them a lot. My son started talking to a counselor when he was about 10 and told him that he didn't think his dad loved him and that he thought his dad thought he was bad and stupid. I told my ex (nicely) what was said and he just was not interested in fixing the problem. The breaking point was when he promised he would give me their passports next time he was in town because I was planning on taking them to see family in England (this was when I was making good money), then showed up without them and said he'd shred them before I'd get them. In our divorce paperwork it says, because I insisted, that he could see the kids whenever he wanted as long as he didn't take them out of school and, since he lived in another state, to give me a weeks notice to make arrangements. After the passport incident, in which he screamed that he'd shred them in front of the kids, my daughter broke down really upset and crying and he just stared at her and said nothing, like he didn't even care. After that he stopped calling, stopped seeing them, stopped everything but CS. His wife would call and ask to see them, ask how they are, etc (I adore the woman, and I think she's fantastic and far too good for him). They'd go visit her because at the time he was in another state and she hadn't moved there yet. I've always told them that if they want to call him, or write, or whatever, that it was ok and I would never be upset with them for wanting to try to have a relationship with him. All I have ever wanted from him was for him to be a good father, for us to parent our kids as best we can together. He was not interested in doing that. He was only interested in using them as a weapon to hurt me. I honestly think that if he were not in the military that he'd try to not pay CS either, but he knows they'd make him.
Yes, whatever the calculation
Yes, whatever the calculation comes back as is what the court will go with. However, you don't have to do that hearing until you are sure that is what you want to do.
You need to have a certified Order from the other state registered in your district court where the children live. The Full Faith and Credit clause of the constitution requires states to apply the law of other states, in so far as recognizing the validity of the Order. Once you have it certified, then you can ask for a modification of the child support order. You should probably be able to do this with a legal aid attorney, so I would contact that office first. If they can't help you contact your state bar association as there are numerous groups who do volunteer work or law schools that have clinics that do these types of things.
It can take up to a year before the enforcement would go into effect although the Order modifying would be immediate upon the date the court says it is. For example if the court says starting the first day of X month (two months from the hearing date) that is the date the child support applies, even if the enforcement wouldn't start until a month or two later which means he would end up in arrears. If you have contact with him and he is agreeable to increase the child support to an amount between what he pays now and what he may pay under your calculator that may be an easier way to handle it.
Exactly. Situations like
Exactly. Situations like these become very messy when dealing with family court and jurisdictional issues. Throw in a military member and the SCRA and it gets 100 times worse.
If I made enough money to not
If I made enough money to not need his financial help, then I'd tell him to take the CS and shove it since he shows no interest in them whatsoever. But I am not that fortunate.
All I want is for him to pay a fair share, what he legally should be paying. That is it. I asked his help for school clothes once and he said a flat out no. I've never asked him for a cent other than CS since then, or before then.
No, we met in high school.
No, we met in high school. We were together from the time I was 15 till I was 29. This is not family I see a lot, or family I have ever lived with. In fact I've been there once in the past 6 years. My point with that was he PROMISED them. And broke his promise.
I have never been willing to uproot my childrens lives every time he switches duty stations, especially given that he has shown zero interest in seeing them or having anything to do with them in years. He had the chance to get out and work for Lockheed Martin making a lot more than he does now and not have to deploy or move all the time and he turned it down. They were even willing to buy out his contract. I don't think it would be healthy for my kids to be uprooted from their school or their friends ever few years for a man who doesn't care.
My ex does not owe me personally ANYTHING. I don't even expect him to show me the respect a man should show a woman when she is the mother of his children and asks for NOTHING of him other than CS that he legally owes, a woman who has raised the kids HE helped make on her own. ALL I want is for him to do his fair share and do right by the children we TOGETHER agreed to have.
I asked him ONCE to help me with school clothing and he said a flat out no. So I know he will not willingly do anything more than he does now.
That is not true, and is
That is not true, and is likely state dependent. BAS and BAH and any sort of specialty pay/bonuses can most definitely be included in CS calculations, in my husband's case it was most definitely included. CS is based on all sources of income, not just partial sources.
To the OP: You should know
To the OP: You should know that if the state in question calculates CS based on over nights, they are not going to allot 365 night to you and zero night to him. It doesn't work that way. My husband has been sole CP for 18 years and his ex was still given credit (state minimum visitation) when support calculations came into play.