Hi,

Preface - 4.75 years ago my DH and BM separated, with two young children. They have a 41(DH)/59(BM) split (share weekdays and weekends) and live 15min apart.

DH and I have been together just over 4 years but have known each other over 20 years.
BM has been in minimum two relationships in that same time, reportedly with a restraining order against the first.

The custody battle has never stopped, even after the final order as it was vague in a few respects and had a clause for mediation when the vagueness could not been resolved. We argue that we have shared custody (over 40%), BM argues we do not. We were back in court already arguing for a more definitive custody plan, when BM slips in a motion to allow her to relocate the children 2hrs away to be with her BOYFRIEND.

We knew this would happen (if she could hold onto him long enough) and DH expressed this to the OCL (court assessor for the children) 2 years ago. Her final report even states that DH had this concern but that BM said she had no intention of moving to maintain stability in the children's lives and balanced time with both families. The OCL recommended a clause that the parents remain in this region to facilitate the children's lives, which is in the order.

BM cites being in a long term relationship (listing a duration longer than is accurate), that they are serious and hope to move in together. Among other "varied reasons", her BOYFRIEND cannot move out here due to his work. She cites that this is in the best interest of the children to relocate them and is willing to give DH more weekends and summer (but far less than DH currently has) and reduce support due to travel expenses. BM has not mentioned anything about her own employment as her current company is local in our area only, meaning should would have to leave her 4th (or 5th) job in as many years. There is no further explanation of how this is in the children's best interest.

ALL of DH and BM family is in this area along with the children's school, friends and activities. SS9 has a very strong bond with his paternal grandmother who lives very close to both parents and their maternal Grandmother currently lives with BM.

The children are in elementary school and SS9 has educational, emotional and social needs that have required counselling from the regions must respected child psychologist and developmental therapist for the last 3 years. Although BM was the one to request the services initially, DH has been the only one taking him as we see and understand his continued emotional and mental struggles. BM has even verbalized to SS9 that she doesn't know why he still goes.
DH has a fairly significant support structure of educators that help us to work within the SS9's educational needs (although not a severe delay, but he does need extra assistance). BM has no such support structure. SS9 and I work well together and I can see that he is not getting the continued practice with BM on his scholastic skills when he is away from us.
SD6 is otherwise a well-adjusted little girl, but she has lived with this lifestyle from a very young age.

DH and I present a stable home with two parents and two kids. They are and always have been our sole focus. Apart from summer visits to my family cottage, our lives are stable. DH has a unique schedule that has him working some evening and overnight shifts – which was always BM’s argument against him, however, DH’s union mandates that his employer must adjust his schedule to meet his custody needs. The OCL reported that DH’s night shifts were not an issue as the kids were asleep and his mother/myself would be with them. Although we can’t eliminate 4 affected evening shifts out of his 42 day rotation, DH can spend time with the kids during the day volunteering in class and on lunch, with his mother/I again supporting him.
BM has the kids in town during school nights but travels them on all of her weekends to her BOYFRIEND’s place. Her mother currently lives with her and supports her custody needs, however her mother travels a large portion of the year. Although the kids are comfortable with her BOYFRIEND and his two children, they do not describe a suitable living arrangements while there (bunk beds on alcove leading to the basement). They would be moving into a blended family where do not get the individual focus that is required. BM has refused the kids playdates and birthday parties with friends in favour of her own desire to travel to be with her BOYFRIEND. The kids have told us that BM has said flat out that they go out of town on the weekends and that if the kids want to have friends over it will have to be on DH’s time

We see this as being purely selfish move by BM and the kids are simply luggage to her. DH is distraught that he could virtually lose his kids.

Although the transitions will be a nightmare fighting through traffic, we have no issues with her moving per se, however, we firmly believe it is in the children's best interest to remain here with us. The status quo for the kids is to spend the week in town and alternating weekends out of town - Week/DH weekend in this region and BM weekends in the other region. We would grant BM the similar access she proposed for us (minimum 50% weekends but increase her summer access to 2/3), PLUS allow her mother an additional overnight per her BM’s access weekend and we would waive any claim to child support.

We are Canadian so American Law does not necessarily apply, but I’m interested in people’s thoughts and similar experiences.