Not invited to boyfriends childrens events
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years . The last year living together. He is divorced for 16 years . He has two children ages 19 and 17 .I have been in the children's lives for three years . It took a while for me to meet them.. The problem is the children do not want me at any of there events. They do not want me to meet there mother.. The reason for the divorce she cheated. She does not have a boyfriend and I am told is not interested in one . Neither of them has ever brought a significant other to the children's things . My boyfriend did have one other long term relationship right after the divorce that lasted four years . I am told she never met his ex wife either but the kids were smaller and birthdays then were done separately .. He did for years once a month have family night just the four of them because he wanted his kids to grow up normal . I understand that . But this has created problems . Last year his son in high school plays football had an out of state game and my boyfriend was afraid his children would be upset with him if I went . I told him that I was going and then he asked me to sit in the hotel room during the game because his son was upset and didn't think that was the proper place to meet . She ended up not going because her friend canceled but I was not allowed to go to any other games . For birthdays they just go out the four of them the son has a girlfriend and she goes too. I am trying to be understanding of the children but how long will this last when I ask him he says I can go to there weddings.. He is to afraid of them getting mad at him .. IS this normal am I being unfair . His family tells me the kids like me when they come on Sundays we always have a nice time you would never know there is a problem although a few months ago his 19 year old daughter asked he dad in front of me to go to Disney with her and her mom he told her he could not go and what was wrong with her for asking he has told me that after the divorce they never went on vacation together so why would she ask now . Any advice ?
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Yeah. 1. Your boyfriend
Yeah.
1. Your boyfriend needs to grow some balls.
2. He's failed in the aspect of parenting that teaches children how to cope with negative feelings.
3. He has also failed in the aspect of parenting that teaches kids what it means to be respectful and considerate to others.
All because what? He's "afraid" of his kids?
Take a good long look at why you are with him.
"Is this normal? It doesn't
"Is this normal? It doesn't matter where it falls on the normal scale. All that matters is can you live with it?"
^^^^
This x1000
Even if someone somewhere said, hey, it's normal, I live with it and am perfectly fine with the situation, would it make you magically accept it?
Your examples were football
Your examples were football games and birthday dinners. Does this exclusion of you and inclusion of BM also include holidays?
I'd have no interest in birthday dining with the four of them, but why are the four of them dining together to begin with? Why not you and BF take the two children (one of which is now an adult) to dinner and let BM and the children celebrate on their own?
HS football fields are pretty big and usually have opposite sides seating. There would be no meeting with BM necessary. How was SD19's HS graduation celebrated after the ceremony. Did you sit home while Dad and BM went together?
You get to someday attend the children's weddings? Such a silly man you've taken up with. You do realize right, getting to attend means you'll be seated by yourself in the last row and at the reception your table of one will be in the very back next to the exit door?
I was never invited to the
I was never invited to the high school graduation for the 19 year old and I probably will not be invited to the 17 year old either who graduates in 2017. They had family dinners once a month up until a few years ago he said he wanted them to grow up normal and not se see fighting . I mentioned this to him about the birthday dinners his children want it as there mom and dad together for there birthdays so he does what the kids want . Holidays are separate . Right now the 4 of them are together for the kids birthdays only. Well last year at the end of football season his son made it to the superbowl. After not being allowed to go to the games he invited me to this one . He first asked his ex wife if she minded she said no but he had to ask the kids he did but he went early with ex wife and daughter to wave flags for team I went later with his sister and never saw them... When I pushed about going to football games he said he did not want the children to have to deal with divorce
Well I am just going out and
Well I am just going out and say it. It's weird as hell. And I'm an ex wife and I have an ex husband and we split when I was pregnant with our third daughter. I'll tell you what we don't do. Have dinner together just us with the kids. That gives them the wrong signal altogether! How does that allow them to grow up normal? Here's what we do do, however. We have joint birthday parties but stepmom goes and when I had SO he did too. One year I'll do it at my house and the next year it's at their house. We sit together at school plays or near each other but all of us. Stepmom, step dad, my mom, his mom, etc. We text about homework. But so does SM. We don't fight. We stick to stuff related to the kids and not hash over him cheating on me in our marriage, etc. The only reason for contact is to support the kids and be there for the kids so that's what our communication is about.
My point is I think its kinda cruel to pretend that they still have their nice little nuclear family. That isn't reality. Reality is remarriages and half siblings and step siblings and co parenting and all of us watch the kids cause they are girls and we are in cheerleading. I'd never ever ever say
I'm sure I won't be invited
I'm sure I won't be invited to SS graduation.. oh wait, that's because he's not going to graduate!
I was invited to SD graduation, but bowed out. I figured even though BM1 did NOTHING to facilitate SD graduating, regardless, SHE possess the vagina that birthed her and as such should get to enjoy the moment without me honing in on pictures, receptions whatever. Plus I don't really care for SD, so there's that.
I don't know.. I kind of don't see the big deal from both sides. Don't see why it's a big deal to you to go and don't see why skids would care if you're there or not. Are they going to put out a PSA that everybody they don't like or who their mom doesn't like can't come to the game or whatever?? That's just dumb. It's a public place, anyone can go.
I DO see a HUGE deal with your boyfriend and BM pretending to be a little family especially with skids of this age. It's just silliness.
You have put up with this
You have put up with this bullsh!t for a long time. And that's just what it is, bullsh!t.
No way in hell is this right.
No way in hell is this right. They are divorced for 16 years. When you divorce it effects the kids, sorry. If they wanted their kids have a "normal" life they should have stayed married. no way would I put up with that crap. You have been with him for 6 years and not invited to every where he goes, really? you want to live like this? you think that is fair to you? They have family dinners, really? Yeah I'm not looking for answers to these questions but you really need to take a look in the mirror and see if this is what you think YOU deserve....
The real question is can you
The real question is can you stand the rest of your life like this? If not then you need to talk to your husband and set up some boundaries with the kids otherwise you will never have a say in your life. Your steps will dictate when and where you are allowed to go.
No I don't think this is
No I don't think this is normal.
My DH was like this with his ex and SD's when he and I first got together, but, once we were serious that part died down. And not because I said anything or insisted in any way. Simply because DH decided all on his own that I was attending his 'family' functions, and this despite the fact that neither of his daughters back then liked it very much
I don't agree with what your DH is doing, especially the family dinners, it sends the wrong signals IMO
I would almost be tempted to stop making any fuss, and start going out and partying, doing some fun stuff, when he is doing his 'family' things.
If he doesn't like you going out and enjoying yourself without him, maybe he'll understand how he is making you feel when he does this. And even if he doesn't get it, at least you will be doing something you enjoy and not sitting around at home while he pretends he's still married
Like x infinity!
Like x infinity!