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Does DH have a chance at getting custody

Rasnya's picture
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DH wants to get custody of SD age 12. She can't stand BM, says BM is evil, BM sometimes hits her, yanks her hair etc. as punishment. Otherwise the BM is a stable person no issues at all. SD purposely does things that aggravate the new husband and BM in that household bc she wants to annoy them. Those are her own words.

At what age do kids have a say in the state of NJ? Is this a case? Truth be told DH has poisoned her against her mom as well. Can't say I'm looking forward to this...........

notarelative's picture

The child does not want to live with mom and the new husband so she does things to annoy them and wants to live with dad.

Child says mom is doing all manner if things. But is she? Or is the girl exaggerating? (As you indicated mom is stable an there are no other issues)

Should this warrant a change in custody? GAL will decide, but if I were the GAL the answer would be no. Not based upon what you have written.

If Dad succeeds in obtaining custody be prepared for the child's ire to turn to you. If child does not like sharing mom with new husband, she may not like sharing dad with SM.

Rasnya's picture

Yes, that's what I'm afraid of. She is manipulative. But still, how will the courts know what he is doing in terms of turning the girl against the mom. Nobody sees it. Its not blatantly obvious, but in all the years that I've been around this, I've come to see it.
DH and the daughter know how sing a perfect sob story so I'm afraid they will sway things in their favor.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Well this is just sad. Too bad he's not being a real dad and teaching his daughter to be respectful to her mom and to her moms new husband. This is really disrespectful and disgraceful what's going on here. Hopefully the courts just make both parents go to parenting classes, get their shit together, and do a decent job with 50-50 custody.

Maxwell09's picture

No. And from the sounds of it he needs to leave the tyrant over there because what happens when she decides you're the bad guy next? She'll wreck havoc on your household and tell her mommy the same as she tells you now. The grass is hardly ever greener on the other side and once she realizes this then she'll go prancing back to her moms. Save the money of attorney and court cost. Tell your husband to be a damn parent and tell his heathen to stop being so horrible just because SHE doesn't like the rules or stepdad.

Shake.it.off.'s picture

Agreed. SD sounds like a brat-my opinion. Only a matter of time until she causes conflict between you and your DH. Sounds like your DH needs to stop being a friend to his 12 year old daughter and disrespecting her biological mom and new husband.

still learning's picture

This happened with my daughter about 7 years ago. Paternal grandmother and exH schemed to have grandma basically kidnap dd14 and the judge went along with it because that's what dd said she wanted. dd got spoiled, exH didn't have to pay cs; it was a win-win for them.

jumanji's picture

NJ will require a change of circumstance, and I don't see one. Judges and GALs are pretty good at figuring out when the kid is in real trouble vs being manipulative. The best thing Dad can do - for the kid - is to talk to Mom about getting her (kid) into therapy. 'Cause she ain't going anywhere.

Rasnya's picture

Well, I'm not supporting him in this, but I can't be against it either. Do you really think DH would take my feelings on this into consideration? Unfortunately I have to accept it. I have a few children from my previous marriage and they are with me all the time thankfully and DH is good to them. If he wants his kid............

If I say something against the brainwashing, I'm just the evil one who doesn't like SD,and who doesn't understand the situation.

Shake.it.off.'s picture

I was in the same boat with my spouse and his bio son who is 13 and wants to live with him. I told my spouse I was not comfortable with it at the moment, until further things can be implemented such as rules, and also the son needed to spend more than just two days at a time in our home. A child or teen cannot just come stay/ or move in with you and take over. It will cause problems for you. Im sorry.