Mar,

Be careful though. If DH starts changing the $'s he sends on his own initiative then he gives BM ammo for a modification of the support agreement.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

At least I wouldn't.

I'm not sure what your parenting schedule is but if it's EOW, than I would just go buy clothes for each kid and leave it alone.
Withholding child support (even partial) will ALWAYS look bad on the non custodial parent. I withheld $50 from a $1100 monthly payment for a medical bill that BM had owed for months. Guess who got reamed at a hearing months down the road for an unrelated issue. DH did. Our lawyer said that no matter what...always pay your child support in FULL and ON TIME. Otherwise, no argument you ever have will ever be heard.

Life is not fair, I know.

A BM not allowing children to bring clothes over is an attempt to control and engage in an argument. Don't empower BM by returning the fire. You'll never win.

Simply take the kids to Walmart and buy them 2 outfits each (if you're on an EOW schedule) and send them home in whatever they came over in. It will save you a thousand arguments and you'll be out what? $100? It will be worth every penny.

BM in our case pulled the same shit. I copied the standard order to parents from their divorce decree and hilighted the section that stated that the custodial parent is responsible for providing all necessary items (clothing, uniforms, etc.) for the non custodial parent's parenting time. She then ensued an argument that spiraled off on a whole other tangent and guess where it got us? Nowhere. Everyone was pissed off.

So. My advice? Stop the madness. Let her control her part of the sitaution and you can give her the proverbial middle finger and with a big roll of your eyes have DH tell her "I'm sorry you feel that you don't need to provide clothes for the kids while they are in our home. It was my understanding that child support covered these types of expenses but if you are not willing, I guess we will have to make due and figure out something else."

Please understand that she wants to argue endlessly. She'll never listen. Never. And that's okay. Let her argue with a dial tone. My mantra when it comes to BM is "whatever....". I'll never try and convince her of anything ever again. It's a big ol' waste of time.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

My BM likes to send them back in too small and dirty clothes. She now has the majority of the clothes. My H is responsible for 100% of clothing and the bioytch just keeps doing a switch!! Example we bought SS13 new underwear....it took her just 2 months to send him back with the too small underwear.

My BD10 knows that she can take clothes to her Dad's but brings back the clothes that she doesn't want to keep over there.

Our BM will send baby in clothes that are way too small. We usually send him back in the same outfit unless I can't bare the thought of him being that uncomfortable. I went out and bought some stuff from the thrift store. This past Monday, I could not drop off baby in a sleep that was 2 inches too small so I dressed him and BF send BM an email asking her for the clothes back today when we picked FSS1 up. BM replied I usually send the clothes back after they are washed but ok. The clothes were not washed - that's okay - but the shirt was badly stained. We still don't have the outfit he went home in about 6 weeks ago. How often does BM do laundry? There are 2 adults, a teenage girl and a baby in that household. You would think that laundry would be done regularly.

Oh well - FSS1 got a ton of super cute clothes for xmas.

WOW im sorry, for that price you can get a lawyer and get full custody of the kid.
that is a lot of CS for one kid.
I got my SS a bookbag for him to take back and forth from BM house to ours and he has to have a pair of clothes in it to wear home at the end of the weekend. If there are no clothes he wears what he wore to our house. The BM does not like that so she packs the clothes, Plus the SS likes to bring some toys.
Go to goodwill or salvation army and get some clothes for him to wear when he is with you and when it is time to go home make him change his clothes.
Soon the kid will get very tired of his mom not letting him take anything.
Before you take out any pay get a lawyer. The courts are going to see that the full amount has not been paid and may have to pay back child support.
GOOD LUCK

all the time. SD's liked to have their "best" clothes at BM's house to wear to school. Which meant all the expensive things I bought immediately went into the abyss. BM's pawns everything of value and tells the kids they "ripped" (I have never had a washing machine eat clothes like hers did). But, I couldn't stand to think they had nothing to wear to school. DH and I got into this fight with the kids every few weeks when we would have somewhere to go on the weekends,and the kids had nothing to wear at our house except pajamas or too small clothes. We told them if they didn't pack clothes for the weekends at our house or keep clothes at our house, that was their problem to figure out. So they ended up wearing Pajamas to dinner a few times. Oh well!

Luckily, BM wanted to switch the schedule so we have the kids during school days. This fight does not exist at our house now. Everything they have is at our house. Everything. Since she doesn't have a place to live of her own, BM made them bring all of their possessions to our house instead of paying for a storage unit. Stuff that I bought them 2 years ago magically reappeared

Do not try to modify what you pay or make your own deductions based on child support. Courts do not appreciate that- and child support is used as the custodial parent sees necessary. (Frustrating, I'm sure, but you just have to know you are doing right by your child by paying) My suggestion is to pay the support and then get items for your own home that stay there.

The parent that restricts a child from taking wanted items back and forth will ultimately hurt the child the most. I can understand expensive or family items staying at a parent's house, but clothing is a need!

Check your state laws and divorce decree. Most say something about the custodial parent providing/sending adequate clothing for the child during visitation- and then your obligation- which is usually to return those items in a clean manner.

This may help some.

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother."

The kids gradually are getting all their good clothes and even underwear at BM. They come back in crap.

BD10 caught on to her BioDad not buying her any new clothes because Mom will. She started packing her own bag and brought back the clothes she wore on Friday on Sunday after biodad weekend.

My other 4 boys in the house haven't figured this one out yet and they are older.

I just asked this question of the attorney on Monday. Clothing, shoes, toys, books, activities, etc. are considered GIFTS, not child support. They may not be given in lieu of child support. Child support is given to the custodial parent to be used as s/he sees fit.

I found two good resale shops in upscale areas and shop regularly. I get really nice clothes, often new with tags, for 1 to 5 dollars. Sometimes we raid Goodwill or Salvation Army and bring home bags full. I found a "Children's Place" puffer winter coat for $8.00 at a summer garage sale. We are tight on funds but SD wears designer clothes When we get too full I send them to BM's house or donate.
F.

There's no reason to send clothes back and forth. Buy clothes for your house. She can buy clothes for her house. Designate exchange outfits. End of story.

We had this same problem. Only I'm the one that wouldn't let SD8 take clothes to her mom's. BM2 had no part of SD8s life at all for over two years. She popped back into the picture and wanted visitation, which a judge eventually gave her. However, she pays NO child support and doesn't contribute anything to SD in any way. When she first got visitation, I sent over a big garbage bag full of clothes and said "These can stay at your house. Send her back in what she's sent over in please."

So far it hasn't been a huge issue.

Tough call; before SD13 moved in with us; we gave her BM $ each month; but SD would call us for money for sports; coats; pictures; hair cuts; shoes; you get the point. And we gave it to her; her mom spent the $ on whatever (and it's not up to us to decide what she does with it; that's not what I am sayig) but SD was left with nothing; so actually since she has been living with us; we are saving.........BM gives us $0.00; and we send clothes with her when she sleeps over her house 1 Friday a month.