Child old enough to "decide"??
SD is 12 1/2. She resides primarily with her mother and only visits dad for 6 weeks out of summer and 1 week during Christmas. The court ordered schedule is a screwy split of the six weeks summer with her being with us for 2 weeks then goes back for a week and a half then visits for four more. The order also has it that dad pays for one summer flight and the Christmas flight and BM is to pay for one summer flight. For the past two summers we have had six weeks consecutive visit therefore dad has paid 100% of all flights. Well now after we just moved a state closer, BM suddenly feels like six weeks is too much and wants to reduce time. BM states that sd wants this because she wants to do activities. BM says that SD is old enough to tell the judge that she doesn't want to come visit but maybe for two weeks max. Dad pays for SD to have a cell phone and any time that she gets in trouble with BM, that is the first thing to go. But when SD is here BM is calling and texting constantly. Won't even let her alone for one full day. It's like she's afraid of what would happen if she wasn't in SD's head every single day. SD told dad that she feels torn and wants to be with family here but knows her mom wants her to not come here.
So can or will a judge let a 12 1/2-13 yr old say that beginning activities are more important than spending time with her dad and sibblings?
And you don't care if her
And you don't care if her FATHER misses her? Amazing.
A child can not decide
A child can not decide custody. However, the older the child gets the more the judge will take into consideration that child's wishes.
This is exactly correct...a
This is exactly correct...a child can not "decide" anything until they are 18 years old but a judge will listen to and take into consideration at 12 I believe (this is for Texas anyhow)
Yes.
Yes.
She should NOT have a choice.
She should NOT have a choice. People in this country are way to centered on what the kids want, then when the kid ends up messed up and alienated from a parent, it is OF COURSE the NCPs fault. Until a kid is 18, FAMILY comes first.
Thanks. See, the issue here
Thanks. See, the issue here is not about the understanding of DH and I versus BM but rather all the siblings. SD gets to spend such little time and if we all say that in knowing this is the way it has been and is still then why is it okay for BM to convince her to desire to try out for new activities that would require her to be with BM during the summer? Of course if we were saying that SD had been taking music lessons and it was her passion and wanted to be in band thus needing to attend summer band camp; then I would say that's different. We are talking about a child that has not expressed interest till BM started telling her she needed to be prepared to tell judge less summer time. Oh, and I can also tell you that I'm sure when SD is 30 yrs old she would appreciate more the bond as brother and sister that she has with all of her siblings then the alternative which would be to say that she has siblings she doesn't really know it have much to do with but got to try out new activities. It sucks that she has to be limited by split parents but that is just how her life is. He parents just don't live in the same state so the ideal cannot be expected.
Teens are just that
Teens are just that TEENS...if they want to make this choice then THEY need to speak with their parent/s about it (however the parenting works comfortably in your situation). Just like with anything else. Kid should have an opinion and the freedom to state what they would like, but then the adults choose the final outcome with the kids thoughts heavily on the conversation.
Ideally of course the
Ideally of course the custodial parent will encourage to the point of demanding that the child visit the visitation parent. Obviously I agree with those who put family ties over friends and summer activities. Hanging out in a mall is more important than visiting a parent? To the kid it probably is but as adults we know there is more to life than immediate gratification.
But we don't live in a ideal world and this behavoir of bio-parents, mothers in particular, rears its ugly head all too often. A sure fire way of making her ex suffer for what he did, never mind that often its the mother that instigated the divorce. (How dare he marry that floozy).
My advise to the father is to respond to the mother that the child is to be on the aircraft at the appointed time and place and otherwise comply with the courts order. Failure to produce the child will result in his filing a request for a criminal contempt of court order. Yes I said criminal. Although she's unlikely to be jailed a fine is a clear possibility along with probation.
If the mother continues to argue or says she will not comply a letter making the same threat should be sent by the fathers attorney. Then follow through if necessary.
When the girl shows up a adult type talk is in order so that in age appropriate terms she understands the need to stay in touch - she has two parents - etc etc.
I like the idea of bringing a friend and it would definitely be worth the money spent if you have it. It could very well avoid all the above hassle.