Can't Afford a Lawyer...Working Poor
I'm unmarried and my partner wants to take our biological child up North. He wants to leave me and my other child from a previous relationship here in Texas. We live together now in a rented house but once he moves I'll be on my own and forced to find an apartment. I'm not poor but I only make enough money to pay my bills, provide food, buy gas, & the basics. I have no savings. How do I get a lawyer when I'm considered middle class yet don't have a penny to my name? I'm scared I'm going to have my kids split up.
I'm afraid he'll win custody of our shared biological 5 year old child. He's got a super high-paying job, he'll be buying a fabulous new house, and brags that he was the primary care giver...he wasn't it was shared but more like 60/40 in his favor because his job allowed him more free time. When compared to him I'll be in a cheap apartment, have an average job, and never be able to give our child what he would.
I don't want to lose my child, I'll never be able to afford to fly up for visits. I don't want my kids split up, they are siblings. I can't afford a lawyer, he can, probably the best.
Can someone offer advice? I've cried for days, I don't know what to do. I know a lawyer won't work for free. I'm terrified my kids are going to be split up and I don't see myself living through that.
Thank you "~Cat" for your
Thank you "~Cat" for your kind words. Today has been horrible. I had to put my dog down of 15 years & he didn't even hug me when I came home after it, he said nothing. I don't know what I did to make him so hateful & so mad.
And thanks for the info about visiting all the BEST lawyers. I might make a week long, 8 hour daily vacation out of doing that. Also I didn't know I ask for him to be responsible for paying legal fees. Thank you, I was about out of toilet paper...all my tissues are already used.
He told me I'm dumb & stupid & going to waste a ton of money if I try to fight him for custody of our 5yr shared kid because he was the primary care giver- that's not fully true. I never even mentioned lawyer, suing, custody, money, etc. it's all been him ever since he got a super high paying job up North. All I've said is I want our family to stay together, I don't want my 10yr child from a previous relationship to not be separated from with their younger sibling.
-We never married, been together since our child was born 5yrs ago.
-He doesn't want my older child just his biological child.
-My older child is happy he's moving. They say he played favorites to his biological.
-He's not abusive but lately he's been yelling & angry & I don't know why.
-Neither of us have mentioned child support, just wanting custody.
-He wants our child because he's moving for a new job, wants our shared biological child & doesn't want me & my other child to go...which is news to me too.
I don't have an apartment but I started looking online & I'm going to look at some tomorrow. I've got jewelry I can sell to pay for the deposits & rent. Would I not get custody if I only got a 1 bedroom? I'm afraid to get a 2 bedroom because if I don't get custody I'll be in an expensive place I can't afford. But if I get custody maybe the complex will let me move to a 2 bedroom. Will the court not give me custody over this?
I have a life insurance policy I can cash in for some lawyer $ but I'll see where else I can find funds.
Another reason I'm afraid he will win is that just today our shared child stopped really talking much to me. They are distant & clingy to him, I don't know why. It's all of a sudden. I love my kids & work hard to provide for them, I'm not perfect but I try my best. I don't want to ask my child if dad said to ignore me but something changed. Today they said "I want to live with Daddy". My heart broke, the dad just smiled. What if the dad is putting stuff in their head & manipulating them. Will the court believe what a 5yr supposedly wants?
I don't know what state you
I don't know what state you live in but as far as fathers have come the mother almost always wins primary custody if she can provide a safe loving home. That means you, food, roof over the head, and clothes..basically. Honey I watched my fiancé LOOSE that 2% that would have deemed him custody even though the mother's husband had made her choke herself to show her how suffocated he felt in their current situation. They have 50/50 but she is the primary custodial parent meaning the child goes to school where she lives and the schedule is all based around that and they live in the city almost 3 hours away. We live in the country..much slower and safer, but because the kid had been with mom 4 out of 7 days a week for the previous 2 yrs according to paperwork (not what actually happened)...she won..Bullshit but true. In your case its a plus...Moms almost always win if dad has nothing illegal or drug/drunk worthy to prove over you...or he can provide a home and you cant. Doesn't matter how nice the home is. It matters that you are mom, you are a good mom, and can provide a home, and get them to school and doc apts, etc.....Not always...but most the time...you get a lawyer, even a state one, you are most likely good!
not true in ohio i was
not true in ohio i was primary giver and took care of my child and had to work two jobs and just because ex had money and can pay a top notch lawyer and even though i struggle but still provided shelter and food but even though he never changed diapers doctors appts. any school functions and makes more at his job and has better house and has a psycho wife that can stay home and take care of daughter i lost custody.
Check your local laws.. Your
Check your local laws.. Your unmarried and have a child. Most laws state that unmarried mothers automatically have custody and the father has to petition the court to obtain any custodial rights.
If he never has ... you have legal custody and if he takes the child out of state it's kid napping and crossing state lines.that would be a whole lot of federal agencies getting involved and he could kiss his job goodbye and any hope for any custody. Call a layer, or six, set up free consultations and see what your rights are.
I suggest you hit every GOOD attorney in town as once they give you a consult they can't take him as a client.
I am very sorry you are going
I am very sorry you are going through this. I have not been though this, but my best friend has. In her case, they were also unmarried but had lived together since their 3 year old was born. When he found another woman, he wanted to leave and take the child with. Nope! He had to establish rights to even get visitation. That also means he has to start paying child support.
It proved a whole lot harder for him than he realized. And he never got primary custody. You can't unless mom is unfit. Got to prove that too.
I think your anxieties are running wild but truly, I don't think you need to worry about it. Do what you need to do to secure an attorney. They'll be able to bring you more reassurance than any of us. Good luck!
Thank you all for the advice.
Thank you all for the advice. I haven't said a word to him & I don't plan on it. I'm calling lawyers on Monday. I took 20k out in loans & hopefully I'll never have to spend it on lawyer fees, I'll wait for him to file but I will interview as many lawyers as I can...and a 2 bedroom I'm getting.