10 days to trial
Okay, frustration is starting to set in. She's got her umpteenth lawyer, and wants full custody, b/c DH is taking the boys to court ordered therapy, without her...because she's taken them to the movies instead of appointments, and made it clear she hates the therapist and won't be bringing them back...etc etc etc. Since then, he's let her know of every appointment, and invited her to attend, and she refuses. In return she has the skids call the law guardian and cry about going, even though it's been fine all year. Both boys missed 15 days of school this year, and were tardy, 95% absences were on her days, and 100% of tardies were on her days. SS12 will undoubtedly fail out of school because she's planted the homeschooling bug in him, and he thinks school is stupid, so he refuses to do his homework, and can get away with it because it's a 50/50 custody situation, where his parents do not co-parent. DH and I could get these kids right back on track, and they would have an amazingly wonderful childhood if they were in our care. All she can consistently offer them is instability, chaos and angst.
So, in a nutshell, she's wrong. She is so completely wrong. We have all the documentation of absolutely everything, 4 years worth, and there's a lot of it.
Here's the problem. We're spending close to another $10K on this, and we're going to lose all 4 years of evidence, once this is over, so we're going to put every last shred of it in front of the judge. But is failing to co-parent, and alienating the kids and their teachers and doctors from their father enough for a judge to say "You are stripped of your parental rights"? And it's a gamble. It depends on the judge. I'm going to be spending a great deal of time this weekend, pulling together all of the paperwork we have. Reviewing everything that's happened. I'm a witness for this case. Our lawyer's calling in my XH, to show how well we co-parent, and BM's BM (does that make sense?) to show how poorly things are on that side...and they are bad. Hopefully BM's BM will be happy to testify.
In the meantime, I'm feeling burnt out, emotionally, frustrated by what all of this is going to do to the kids. Frustrated by the fact that she's going to hear me say things against her, solidifying her hatred of me forever, making parenting even more difficult. DH and I discussed having a baby, and we decided that we would wait until we know the outcome of this case, so we can be prepared for what we're getting into. It's infuriating that she has such a hold over such a personal decision in our lives. I don't know if I need advice or cheer-leading. I need something.
The more likely scenario is
The more likely scenario is actually exactly what DH wants, so this did cheer me up
Thanks!
Mostly, it's not about
Mostly, it's not about whether we get custody or not that's the deciding factor...it's the instability of not knowing what's going to happen. If we knew things are staying the same, we could make an informed decision and go with it. If we knew we're getting the kids full time, same thing. Being in a state of not-knowing is the killer here. And this judge is out of county, and has to travel 50 miles, so we'll go to court in 10 days, and the next day of trial could be weeks or months down the road. This is going to take time. More frustration.
Thanks!!
Thanks!!
Why would you lose your
Why would you lose your evidence after the hearing? Keep copies, recycle it every time BM forces your hand and add whatever crops up over time. Every time we had to go before a Judge we submitted rheems of evidence to the Sperm Idiot's few pages. Evidence when presented correctly drives a verbal response from the idiot oppostion that can then be shredded by docummented fact. "That never happened!" or "I never said that!" followed by one or several example recordings or documents proving it happened once or repeatedly over time as the case may be bares idiot opposition ass quite effectively in front of a Judge.
So, keep your records up to date, let BM cut holes in her own case and most of all have fun shredding her idiot ass in court.
Good luck.
Thanks! UPDATE Our lawyer
Thanks!
UPDATE
Our lawyer just submitted all our evidence to opposing counsel and the law guardian. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when he goes through all of it. Our lawyer told us he'll probably have to recess because there's too much documentation on our part. I split it all up into piles for him: "Here's BM's crazy" pile (everything with her harassing or talking nonsensically about nothing regarding the kids, just generalized, I'M a crack whore and you're the meanest ever DH, even though I'm screaming my head off at you kind of thing)...then there's the "Co-parenting" pile, in which any discussions actually pertaining to the children get absolutely no where, because BM is completely unreasonable...I mean...REALLY unreasonable..and then there's the "PAS pile" showing every instance of her alienating the kids. I also gave him complete absentee records for both skids, which show 98% of their absences and tardies are while with her, I also threw in every single medical appointment they've had since the last time we were in court and she failed to notify DH, because this is her complaint about DH (there's over a dozen instances of this) not to mention a little over an hour of video of harassing pickups, and phone calls where she's just off the deep end..
The punchline of all of this, is the only evidence she's submitted either looks bad on her (telling teachers DH has threatened her, belittles him to everyone basically) or based on professional records where she flat out lied and kept DH out of the loop. Telling therapists that she has full custody, and that SS regularly visits with DH, when it's 50/50.
I'm kind of sitting here in anticipation...the lawyer and law guardian are getting all of this today. We're sitting here wondering how this poor attorney of hers is going to convince her that she has to give up on the idea of getting full custody. We're pretty confident that isn't going to happen. But we know how she LOVES to negotiate, and she may force him to go in there despite all the evidence and still demand full custody, just because she says so.
Anyone know of any lawyers out there who have incredibly difficult clients, and know there's no way to win? How do they handle a client like her?