your thoughts on this matter
Good afternoon, everyone,
I would like to hear your thoughts on the following matter. My stepson...I name him this way because he stays with my husband and I full time and we are financially responsible for all his expenses...spent 12 days with his biological mother over the Christmas holiday. She showered him with all kinds of gifts and let him do whatever he wanted. Now he is back at his home with us and he is extremely defiant and distant with me and also kind of mean. He was not this way before he left our house.
I am very upset and hurt about it as I take care of him on a regular basis. When my husband is away with his job, the responsibility is all on me. I am not the spoiling time of parent, but I show my son a lot of affection and treat him according to his age of 6 years old. I don't baby him like his biological mother does.
Anyway...how do I approach this whole situation?
Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.
I was a stepchild growing up.
I was a stepchild growing up. My mom says that everytime I came back from a visit with my dad she had to "reprogram" me. I'm sure its true for most kids. I had more fun at my dad's. I would just continue to remind him that the rules at his mother's are different from your house and that you expect X,Y,Z out of him. How old is he?
Thank you for your
Thank you for your input.
@beaccountable...she gave up custody when the boy was 2 years old saying that she can't raise him, but wants to play the mommy role every once in a while.
When he came back, he was dirty,tired because he did not have any bedtime routine and was hungry like he has never eaten any food before.The fact is that he spend the almost the entire vacation at his aunt house. He saw his mom for Christmas and she brought him back on New Year's Day.
@Blame3zone...we are actively
@Blame3zone...we are actively trying the have a baby. We just started...that is.
I know she tells him stuff like " Don't forget that I am your mommy and it is important for me to love me". I heard her saying that on the phone many times before.
When SS spends more than his
When SS spends more than his normal 2 days at a time with BM he has to be "reprogrammed". It is hard to go from one set of rules and one life style, to another. Even for the best of kids. It has always been this way. We have learned to just stay firm in our rules and remind him that type of behavior is not acceptable at home. DH has even gone as far as telling him to save the attitude for his mom, since she is the only one that will put up with it. I called him down when he said that. It wasn't the right way to handle the situation, even though it was very very true.
And I really can't disengage
And I really can't disengage because when my husband is out of town with his job...which happens every 2 or 3 months... I am the one taking her of my stepson full time.
BM does not want to raise a
BM does not want to raise a child because she says she can't handle him.
If I need a break or am sick my-in-laws will help me. But both of them are in the mid 70s and don't have that much energy as they used to.
And BM bluntly gave up custody 4 years ago.
In addition to that, what am I going to do when my husband is out of town? Let the little boy stay with strangers?
Well, that is the thing...she
Well, that is the thing...she can have him for visitation, but is not able to take care of him for the long. In other words...she just does not want to take care of him.
I am sure that every action of ours has a rebound sometime in our lives and sooner or later we kind of pay for what we choose to act. I really hope that she will pay for her acts and that the little boy will see her true face.
Thank God he does not live with her because he would have had a very miserable life.
I am not a person to hate, but in this case...I can't help it.
At least...her mother called me and thanked me for taking care of my stepson boy. I don't know whether she was sincere or not, but at least she acknowledged that the boy has 2 caring parents.