Say no. I did. Between us we had four kids. There is no way we would be able to support four kids through college and I'm not willing to do so. That's exactly what I told him. I feel the same as you do. If they want to go they can get scholarships or get student loans.

I just told him that I was not willing to do this. This was a deal breaker for me. He can either pay for his kids college or marry me. I told him this before we married though. I didn't pull any punches and it was the same across the board. I didn't pay for my kids either. I guess I'm just a draw the line in the sand kind of person. Most times it is black and white with very little shades of gray.

Well, my DH has a child support agreement that says the CS does not reduce when the OSD reaches 18. It's full CS until the younger one (2 grades below her) graduates HS.

So, effectively, that means the CS he will be paying for the next two years for OSD is, in our minds, for tuition and fees. BM, I'm sure, doesn't feel that way, but that money isn't freakin' alimony, and OSD probably won't be living at home -- so the only reasonable thing the money should be going for is college. So, BM can do whatever she wants to do with it, but we are not paying one more dime, and DH will tell OSD exactly how much he is contributing for her per month.

After those two years are up, we'll see. My view is, my DH would have had to file bankruptcy by now if it wasn't for me. I manage our money, have gotten him closer to being dug out of the hole, and pay for "extras" with the kids. So, I fully expect for him and me to decide TOGETHER whether OSD will receive any more money for tuition. Because frankly, the money she received would be half mine.

In theory, we are willing to have our household provide 50% of the tuition. We'll see whether BM can suck it up and actually have a conversation with BOTH of us about college tuition if she wants us to contribute more. DH has already told me that he will expect receipts for every penny she has spent to PROVE what she has spent on tuition, before he will discuss helping her beyond the CS he is contributing for the next two years.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

You are right NOT every child is college material. When my youngest almost a drop out, was in high school that was exactly what her counselor told her. My daughter was a B-C student, an A once in a while, NO scholarships. "Your NOT college material" was the exact words,she was told in 10th grade.
Never ever tell a Child they can't be what they want to be. You should ENCOURAGE them "Be all they can be" All my daughters went to college. Some were told because they were female they weren't college material too LMAOOOOO get that one !!!
Well, just because a child doesn't do well in high school, doesn't mean they're not college material.
My daughter wanted to go to college. She did, and graduated at the top of her class. Since then, she has earned her Masters & Doctorate.
Now is A lawyer and has a great career. Yes, it was costly, her first year she struggled, as we did financially. She had pell grants and some other financial grants NO loans. And she worked part time. We kept telling her she could do it. It was probably the best money we ever spent. By 24 she had a great career , was earning high six figures. Owned her own home etc. ALL MY DAUGHTERS OWNED THEIR OWN HOMES BEFORE 26 YEARS OLD.
The year before graduating from the UCF with a BA, my husband unexpectedly died. She took off 4 months. I was beside myself thinking she wouldn't finish. Then she went back, graduated , and continued on. The last was putting herself through law school, also at the top of her class.
Today, she's a wonderful woman, 32 years old. Has a great career. She has always been grateful for the financial help we gave, and what I gave after hubby died. I know I will never have to worry about this child OR any of them financially, she did exactly what she said she would.
They also were taught never to depend on a man or marriage(divorces happen)They needed to earn enough on their own merit. To live decent lives.
FUNNY> Also she ( my youngest) did go back to the HIGH school and visited the counselor, My daughter has more education and earns 6 x what the counselor earns. The one who told her "Your NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL" Never underestimate your child. ENCOURAGE THEM !!
She has repaid it 10 fold ( to me ) out of the kindness of her heart. I never asked to be repaid.
IF you can help. Help. It doesn't have to be every single dime, they can work and also apply for grants etc. Like my daughters did.
But if the kid shows promise, give them a chance. Don't turn your back on them.
My other two daughter's are also graduates, were "A" students, had a few scholarships, grants, and graduated, but not at the "TOP" of the class, nor have higher degrees like their sister. OR earn as much.!!
HELPING & PAYING FOR COLLEGE, WAS THE BEST THING WE EVER DID FOR OUR CHILDREN, BESIDES LOVE THEM.

DH and I have four kids between us. There's no way we can afford to pay for college for all of them. Dave Ramsey (the financial guru) has advised that parents should not go into debt or use their retirement to pay for their children's college education. There are scholarships, student loans, grants, the military. We have already told our kids that if they want to go to college, they are going to have to be responsible for paying for it. They have a lifetime to pay off their student loans; we parents don't have the luxury of time AND we have to prepare for our future retirement. Call me mean or selfish, but that's just part of life. If the kids aren't inclined to go to college, learn a trade instead. There's no shame in being blue collar.

I'm a simple secretary and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm not tied to my job. I work, I get paid a decent salary, I go home and don't have to worry about my job each night. DH has a college degree but instead works at UPS working on airplane wheels and brakes. Together we make good money. The bills are paid and we have enough to enjoy life. We've taught our kids as long as you are happy and can pay the bills, that's all that really matters.

______________________________________

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

You are lucky not to live in Canada. Here it is part of the child support guidelines that the parents of divorced kids both have to pay for University, College, Trades, or whatever they do after they are 18 years old. The parents contribute proportional to their incomes. The problem is, his ex wife doesn't HAVE an income, so we would be paying the whole shot! If the child has a job, they also have to contribute sometimes. And the parents have to pay untill the child (errr - adult) finishes the first degree, or untill age 26, which ever comes first!!!!

Not only that, but the NCP has to continue paying child support to the CP, even if the child resides on campus! They say that the CP has to "maintain a home for the child for weekends, holidays".....well I say "hello, that is exactly what my husband has been doing for the last 8 years, without one cent of compensation".

I am terrified of when his kids go to school, the ex wife knows how crazy the laws are in Canada and has already told us "they are going to University and YOU are paying". Ths keeps me up at night as we have 2 other kids that need to eat and need a home too!!! Second kids are not allowed to be brought up when the money in CS or for College is calculated. It scares the heck out of me and I can only pray these laws get changed in the next 4 years (when the first will be going) or we could definately lose everything.

The worst part is, they don't even see if the NCP can survive after paying school costs and Child support, they just order it, and if you can't pay it then you lose your drivers license etc. I had NO IDEA about any of this, I thought it was just child support which ended at 18. Well, it's not. check your state, some states make parents pay too.

i have to disagree....because the children are not "gifted" academically...u think they have no right for their parent to pay for college? I was NEVER in the top of my class, but i did what i had to do to get into college...i joined the service and had them pay for all of my courses. It is really the parents decision to provide money for their childs education. You are not one to say really different. if he wants his kids to be educated unless they are with you full time or you adopted them. And why would you even try to rob a child of bettering themselves with education? if they are willing to go and stick with it, why would you take that from them?

I think if you have the money to contribute, that is great. And I agree all kids deserve a chance at a higher education, but they should realize there are other options than just the standard degrees, like trades etc.

What I don't like is the notion that the Government is telling us we HAVE to pay, and telling us HOW MUCH to pay and for HOW LONG. This kind of intrusion into our lives is devastating, because they actually don't look at what you CAN pay and still survive!

And they don't consier the needs of any other children in that household, only the kids in question. At least where I live.

But if your hubby can save some money for them, without it affecting your household too much, I think he should.

I think a good book is "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". It expalins in plain english about the options in life, and how college is not necessarily the best option anymore! You should buy that for your husband for X-mas!

" Evil Trophy Wife"- LOL

That's a good one! I know the feeling, twice now!

Just had to say something about the screen name!