Why we didn't see it coming-infatuated fathers
Misery has become a major theme for so many of us on here who married men with kids, men who will not stand by our side, but, in fact expect us to step down while they and their favored children step up.
Why we didn't see it coming? Why I didn't have a clue-not a single clue-that this man I married would prefer to make SD17 his substitue wife, and me merely the servant? Because he did not act that way until I made the commitment of marriage to him. Years of dating-watching him discipline his daughters. Even sometimes feeling he was being waaay to strict as far as the little girls manner of dress went.
Then, boom!-he's gone to the oil fields-they're gone to their BM's. I saw very little of him with his d's during those two years prior to our marriage. I did see a few signs of excess-but felt it was 1. trying to make up to them for being gone so much and 2. competing with his sisters, who married well, and whose children were given everything. But that was just a few things, here and there. I felt bad, actually, that he spent so much time with me when he was here, because it meant spending less time with his daughters. But I was his first priority. Never, never did they even go in my room when he and I dated, much less sleep in my bed! Never did they sprawl out, taking up all available seating. Never would they have dared make me wait all day to take them to an appointment, only to show up too late for it. If they had, he would have corrected them. And he certainly never wore anything matchy matchy with either of them. If anything, he bought us matching shirts.
So why, the minute (actually the week after) I married him, did it all change so drastically? How did putting the ring on my finger make me substandard, and them (particularly SD17) far superior to me?
So just a reflective mood-part of my decision to distance myself from him and his daughters.
Is it just my H? or are some of you experiencing the same sudden devaluing of yourselves by men who treated you as tho you were their queen until you married them? And now make it perfectly clear to you that they and their spoiled D's are the focus of life, and you are an afterthought, if that?
This started with me and my
This started with me and my H 2yrs after we got married and just keep getting worse. I'm sick and tired of feeling like a maid in my own home. I'm tired of him saying "you don't like sd and you're jealous" and me telling him it's not her I dislike but her behavior. Of course now it's her I can't stand. I keep telling myself what goes around comes around and I want to be here to say I told you so.
oh now I am scared
My FH is very good to me for the most part, course we all have our issues but NOW...we are supposed to get married in Sept 09 and it scares me to think that once we are married he will change ...
ugh..
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Salesmanship
I can't quote you directly, Bewitched, but you said it so well yesterday, "They want a wife, but they don't want to cherish a wife.." or something to that effect. That profound insight hit the target with me!
I, too, am doing some serious reflection on how I got myself into this mess. I believe a large part of it was that I didn't understand the deep pathology that existed in DH's family. I had never encountered trashy people like that before, and I was naive enough to think that, if given the chance, DH's teens (then) would turn themselves around. Unfortunately, the damage was done, and was being perpetuated by DH each and every day.
I also thought that once they were adults and on their own, the relationship between DH and his kids would be...normal. Looking back, why did I think that? All I had to draw on was my own experience of working since age 14, putting myself through college, and never asking for a dime. I didn't have the frame of reference to understand that guilty parents can permanently retard their childrens' growth all through the adult years as well.
So now--for the moment--I am stuck with five angry, socially retarded adult steps, and a DH who blames me for his unhappiness, and to an extent, their failures. He's right to a certain degree, because they were all a lot happier in their pathological, dysfunctional hairball before DH and I married. I ruined everything.
LOL
ignorance is bliss isnt it..well sometimes
I do not understand these men who believe their children walk on water yet the women who help support them and care for them walk among the garbage.
I just dont get it.
these men I will tell you will rue the day they let you women go!!
Mustang1 and I decided we are going to go to Alaska to find a nice unwed no EX no kids MAN....
course that is the only place we can think of that would have that type of beefcake!
any takers???
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
dont forget
we have to make them fall madly in love with us so we can move them to warmer climates
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."