Why is this text from someone I never speak to getting to me?
Sorry to bug you all again but I feel you all can relate to the stepparent views...which I so very much appreciate!
Anyway stepmom of 10 years to 2 sds, 14& 16. Used to co parent with bm very very well. Things were wonderful for maybe the first 6 years or so. Major major behavioral issues started to arise. Lots of issues with them at home (they only visited weekends and then less and less) with stepdad who their mom now has divorced in the last few months- bm and I used to be very good friends until we took a job together and she didn't get along with anyone at work.
I also got pregnant within that same year she quit that job. Anyway sd16 turned on us for no real reason 3 years ago- started lying and had cps in our home twice. Nothing came of it. Sd14 recently turned on us 4 months ago all of the suddenly demanding we apologize to her sister...makes no sense.
Anyway I entertained talking to their mom recently and realized she just wanted me to have my DD and DH to visit her girls and leave me out like I'm garbage on the road.
MIL(dhs mom) has always been very friendly with me. Always supportive., kind, and stayed neutral with allllll the many issues the last few years. I recently shared with her the stories bm recently told me about both girls new diagnosis of bi polar, autistic, and refusing medications, sd14 recently having to be detained by police since she was beating her mom, sd16 constant suspensions...it seemed all the drama in the home hasnt changed since bm and I last spoke. Actually all the stories sounded worse. It was a red flag for me to step away again. I told her to contact me when there's therapy in order and if they ever want family counseling(they have both refused for years).
I got this message recently from SIL, who I've literally met(and spoken to) maybe 5x in 10 years. She moved out of this state 20 years ago so its bizarre. She thinks i have no family which is also weird. I also feel hurt that I've told MIL about my childhood that
Wasn't the best but wasn't terrible. She clearly never really liked me if this is what she told her daughter.
Idk why this text is getting to me. I've blocked them all and my husband hasn't said a word to them either. I didnt respond.
I just dont want to be involved in the drama again, our DD whos only 2 deserves more.
2 teen sds made sure they called my dhs immediate family members and got them all angry-we still arnt all sure what they told them, but its clearly enough for them to not even ask us adults and just believe it all.
The anger rage and hate in this message has been getting under my skin. Almost like she thinks I was trying to get them to not like her neice/grandkids?
Idk, I know I shouldn't care, but apart of me does. Sounds to me maybe her and her mom made their decision that they won't be apart of my DDs life. Im the one who encouraged my dh to get along with his family for our dds benefit. Why do I care? They all live 1000 miles away now anyway.
What is wrong with me.
HERE IT IS FROM SIL
HERE IT IS FROM SIL
I've been keeping my mouth shut for my mother, but guess what? You've fucked with her one too many times.
Since she’s an actual adult and doesn’t block people, I’m going to get the final word.
I've seen every text where you have proclaimed your innocence. All the gossip you just HAD to tell her, which she flat told you to stop doing months ago. The "look at what a wonderful mother I am" bullshit. The "Wah, I'm such a martyr and everyone hates me, but I didn't do anything wrong" nonsense. Absolute lies.
You have to know you're a liar because I can't believe anyone could be this ignorant for this long.
You have intentionally driven my brother away from his own children for years now. You've done nothing, as a partner, to help him have a decent relationship with any member of his family. Even his own mother. You've had the audacity to do the opposite. Sad thing is, he is lazy enough to let you.
As an emotionally immature idiot, you have managed to create a bubble for you three to live in. All alone. No family around you, no community, no big sisters, no grandparents. Just you and my brother pathetically clinging to the idea that you are smarter and better than everyone around you. How wonderful for the two of you.
I don't give a shit about what kind of messed up childhood you had. I don't care about your BULLSHIT story of wanting to "protect DD" from “drama”. If she needs protecting, it's from the drama you two star parents create.
I will ALWAYS give my nieces and my parents my loyalty. And when they are in the wrong, I tell them, and continue to support their causes because that what family does. But newsflash. YOU ARE IN THE WRONG, not them! Wake the fuck up! Invest in some self-help cause you are a nightmare right now.
While I’m at it, stop fucking with BM too. She doesn’t need your fake ass pretending to care when it suits you. You are so selfish.
Stop gossiping about my nieces, they don’t need your hate and ignorance. Just leave them out of your limited vocabulary unless it’s to send an apology for all the ways you have contributed to their pain. In case you don’t get it by now, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG.
I’d learn to evolve or your kid will be calling her grandmother, confused in 10-12 years when she realizes her parents have been lying to her and using her as a codependent her whole life. Just a tip.
Oh, and I saw your message to me on Instagram. You’re very lucky I let you think you unsent it without my knowledge. My relationship with my nieces and parents is none of you fucking business.
Oh, and I saw your message to me on Instagram. You’re very lucky I let you think you unsent it without my knowledge. My relationship with my nieces and parents is none of you fucking business. You don’t get the privilege. You don’t get to interfere there.
I also know you were messaging my Dad’s girlfriend. “The little girlfriend”. Yep, I know you said that too. Who the hell do you think you are?! Go destroy your own family. Leave mine alone.
Oh also, it’s spelled ridiculous, not “rediculous”.
"My relationship with my
"My relationship with my nieces and parents is none of you fucking business. You don’t get the privilege. You don’t get to interfere there."
Same goes, your relationship or lack there of with SD's is none of her f*cking business. From only hearing your side of things I would venture to say his family is extremely toxic and he doesn't have a close relationship with them.
I agree.
I agree.
We never text or talk ever. She visits maybe once a year. Idk why she's all of the suddenly being this pitbull and why does it even bother me??
I did get choked up because I thought MIL actually liked me and clearly i was wrong all these years.
She texted me this and
She texted me this and contacted me. I didnt contact her so im not sure what she's even talking about with an unsent message?
Just a query
Has she got personal problems herself this charming individual? Just taking punts here, money worries, drink problem or wasn't the favoured child herself? Etc
Either way id say she's got issues and take the lucky escape of never having contact with her again now she's shown her true toxic colours
42 never had kids or stepkids
42 never had kids or stepkids. Recently engaged. My dh says they haven't gotten along since kids and anyone himself or his dad has ever dated shes had a problems with. I knew she was super close to her mother but I guess I expected way way more in class since MIL has always been so kind to us.
Why on earth does it bother me?! I should be glad she lives 1000 miles away!
It's baffling when someone is
It's baffling when someone is so vehement about something that seems illogical to you. She probably values Loyalty over Fairness.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_foundations_theory
I realize we only get one
I realize we only get one side of the story on here but honestly, there is no scenario I can think of where it's ok to send someone a message like that. Normal healthy people have conversations about issues or they let them go. This 'toss a wild grenade and run' style of attack is not what a balanced person does. It's cruel, unfair and cowardly. It would bother me too. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
Wow you described it
Wow you described it perfectly. Throw a grenade and run. Immediately after I read this text, I thought I should call her-but then thought if shes going to be this angry keyboard warrior, no matter what I say wont be mature and she probably wouldn't even anwser.
I've never dealt with anyone who talks this way-especially someone I don't even talk to and only met a handful of times.
Document, document, document.
Document, document, document. Add this rant from SIL to the files. Keep documenting so when this all arises periodically you can flood them with the texts, emails, rants, etc, etc, etc.... And tell them to review the facts and ignore them at their parol since this kind of crap will resurface with the toxic SIL.
Well, you know where you stand now.
Which is at the bottom of this cesspool of dysfunction. Crawl out of the hole and don't jump in any more.
This stuck out at me: "I will ALWAYS give my nieces and my parents my loyalty."
She makes it abundantly clear that your DD2 is not a niece. I'd drop the rope and refuse to have anything to do with any of them. If/when you must see your MIL keep it very casual and polite. Don't tell her anything, don't ask her anything about the rest of the family. Treat your MIL like you would a stranger on the street - distant but polite.