Why do I have to live BM's life? - feeling sorry for myself
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I moved here 2 years ago to be with BF, left my family and all of my friends 1500 miles away to be with him. I understood that I was moving into BM's house but hoped that by now we'd be able to have a house of our own. I know the market sucks and we really can't afford a new house (which we both want) but I still can't get over the fact that I have to live in her house. I wake up every morning in her bedroom, make breakfast in her kitchen, sit on her couch in her living room. He tells me that it's mine, and we are painting the walls but I don't care how many coats of paint are there - it's still and always will be her house. Am I being unreasonable about this? Does anyone else have the same situation and how do you deal with it?
No, you are reacting
No, you are reacting completely normal, as I would if I lived in the grazing BM, stolen estate...
DH could have taken the home back for awhile but I refused to live in a home where her friends would've surrounded us!!!
Honestly, the only thing I can suggest to you w/ the money problems that we all are having is to try to make the best of it. I know that sounds crass, but if I said anything else, it would be a total lie/ and or bs.
Try to make a move if and when you are able! Ty to smile!
It is normal. I can tell you
It is normal. I can tell you 6 years after moving into BMs house...
It is maybe perhaps finally starting to feel like MY house.
BM picked out this house while DH was in the field.
So it really truly was hers.
BUT she only lived in it for a little over a year.
I have totally remodeled refurnished and redecorated it.
And as recently as last week I was still browsing for MY house online.
It's normal...
It's also ok to feel sorry for yourself about it cuz it does in fact SUCK.
I think the Gods of selfpity find me when this happens and I almost always hear something that changes my perspective on having to live in BM's house.
This week I read that famed inspirational author, life coach and frequent Oprah guest/guru Iyanla Vandzant is broke.
In an 18 mos period she went from having it all-
To losing her daughter to colon cancer, her house to foreclosure, and her marriage to a self absorbed husband who was unable to let her do what she had to do for her ill daughter.
And in the interview on NPR?
She was still LAUGHING.
Now that woman never ceases to unknowingly FORCE me to re-examine myself.
Good point - I suppose my
Good point - I suppose my problems are trivial compared to what they could be. I'm definitely having some perspective issues lately.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
"I'm definitely having some
"I'm definitely having some perspective issues lately."
ME TOO.
But I come here and all of these wonderful people make sure to give me support and guidance til I find myself gaining perspective at an overwhelming pace sometimes!
I think this is completely
I think this is completely normal and totally understand. I never lived in house that BM lived in, but DH was trying to use "thier dishes" when we first moved in together. I wouldn't even use her damn dishes, lol. I went out an bought new. If you can't afford to move, try replacing her things little by little. Maybe that would make it feel more like "your house".
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I had to pack up a ton of
I had to pack up a ton of stuff that BM left behind and we drove over to her house and unloaded it. She even told her then fiancee not to HELP - which now I know is because she was so paranoid she didn't want him to see we were ok people or vice versa.
The plate thing reminded me of the weirdest and most humorous thing I don't like using. It still occurs to me now and then that BM
Sat on the toilets here!
And THAT grosses me OUT!
I am living in the same
I am living in the same situation, he got the house in the divorce, and I moved in with him. Gawd, did that heifer have horrible decorating tastes. Plus, to add to the ewww factor, her clothes were still hanging in the closet because she left everything and moved into her dead sisters apartment and was wearing all of her clothes, even down to her underwear.
"Kindness is usually mistaken for weakness by stupid people" author unknown
Oh man. That hadn't occurred
Oh man. That hadn't occurred to me before... thanks
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Stepmom008 - have you read
Stepmom008 - have you read the book Ex-Wives and Ex-lives: Survival Guide for the Next Wife? If you haven't, I actually accidentally ordered two copies of it a few months ago and can send you a copy if you'd like. It touches base on this exact issue, I can't really recall what it said because that part didn't apply to me, but I do remember it validating all of those feelings you just described.
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
I actually read it next
I actually read it next week. Probably shouldn't have read it while drinking beer - might need to read it again!
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
last week, I mean. Ha! I
last week, I mean. Ha! I wasn't drinking for that one!
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
LMAO...now that was funny!
LMAO...now that was funny!
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
That's a hard thing to get
That's a hard thing to get over, but i think that you have to just choose what is more important to you. Also, don't stop dreaming, you can pretty much achieve anything as long as you believe the possibility is there. Don't automatically cut yourself short just because, that will be a self-limiting belief. Good luck! --Jonah (If you want to check out my blog, I write about relationship and advice here The Ex2 System Book Review by Matt Huston Kick Ass Relationship Blog. Cheers
she only lived here for a
she only lived here for a couple months, but we still get her mail. That really gets to me.. 2 years later and we still get mail with her name on it.. I took the mailbox of its hinges one time! lol..
Yeah, we still get some of
Yeah, we still get some of her mail too and it annoys the everloving crap out of me. Plus her name's still on the property tax bill - I could spit daggers over that one. He always says he'll change it but he's so FLIPPING lazy.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
I hear ya. I am living in
I hear ya. I am living in BM's house & have been for 6 years. Just now finally getting her out of the house (The woman had blue sunflower curtains barf!) I even had to keep the family photos up for about a year or so because BF didn't want to upset the kids. How fun is that having your BF's ex-wife's ugly mug staring at you from the walls? I also get mail STILL w/her name on it & the BF has a retirement account w/her name on it. He called several years ago to get her name off..the computer system was down & they told him to call back the next day, never has. Now THAT's Lazy!
Ok THIS post takes me back
Ok THIS post takes me back to before I knew my marriage was ending. So weird the things I was thinking and saying as my H was making his plans to leave me for someone else.
Sigh. I can't go back and read this stuff for a very long time