Why do divorced men allow their exwifes to control them even after the divorce?
My husband spent 6 yrs of hell married to his ex before he left her 7 yrs ago.She refused to work,spent all the money he made,controlled every aspect in him life,belittled him to the point he was suicidal.
Now divorced SHE still contolls him and tells him what to do.I have seen her scream right in his face and he just ignores her, if I so much as raise my voice to him hes all over me screaming.If he so much as trys to say no to her she threatens to drag him back to court and take his son away(which he knows she can't).One day she will be screaming at him for something then the next day she will be calling him for support for something(last week it was a gyn problem).What really pisses me off is this is the perfect opportunity for him to tell her off but he won't.Not only will he listen to her "problems" but give he advise and offer help!
The worse part is the way he allows her to treat me.She has made it very clear she just tolerats me in HER child life but I am to take backsit ALLWAYS and don't ever try to parent her child.Not only will DH not say a word to her about this he will not even let me defend myself to her.He says it will only make things worse for him if I go at it with her but I say how can it get any worse.
Now they(BM and DH)share legal joint custody so BM can not take SS away from DH so thats not the reason DH is like this. Its not like DH still has "feelings" for BM as it was DH that left her. So what is it?
Wow...
That is so, so wrong on so many levels.
I understand where...
you are coming from...my DH is the same way...I've already told him that it will not happen anymore tho...it is disrespectful to me and I will have no problem walking out the door...so far he is getting better...if you find a reason tho please let me know...I'm curious too...
It was that way in the beginning for me too
I put a stop to that s*** right from the start. I can't explain why some men feel the need to tolerate anything their ex's spew out of their mouths. I've been through it so many times in my head and I can't come up with anything to rationalize an..."Oh, I get it" response from my mouth. Doesn't make a bit of sense to me.
BM started out asking for more money, sharing her financial problems/and any other problems she and new hubby were having, asking us to watch her dog while she went on vacation, yelling at my BF for god knows what on the phone for hours.....goes on and on. This woman really thought she was going to have my BF in her backpocket for the rest of her life. And, why, because they had children together?? I got tired of watching her beat my BF down time and time again. She had her dam chance and it's over.
Don't try to work it out with her. I say and have said from the beginning of our relationship, "This has to stop now, whatever guilt or fear you have has to end now. We can't have a healthy relationship ourselves if you're carrying on with her life and the disappointment of what was not. If you choose to continue, you'll have to find a different woman. I'm out."
But, I can kinda be a b****. Not an unhappy one though.
My question (don't know if it apply in your situation) how can the BMs new husbands be ok with this stuff they pull??
"I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it." Dorothy Parker US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)
To see their kids?
I think they are afraid of what the BM will say to the kids about them, ex. PAS, and just try anything to keep a good relationship with their kids.
I know what you mean though, for a long time I tried to fit into our BM's little idea of her role in our marriage until I finally snapped and took back control of my/our life! I highly recommend it too. Now BM is actually staying away from us, which is really, really great.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Why?
Lots of possibilities:
1. they are scared of the repercussions
2. they are p....s
3. they don't want to "hear" the b....
4. afraid that the kids affection will be affected
etc.
No husband for BM thats the problem...
To anwser storm our BM has had more BF's than I can count but none stuck around for more than a few months(BM spends every waking moment telling everyone how bad we are the BF's think hell I could be next). I do think if she could find a taker(unlikely) our life would be better, Bm would not be so "dependent" on DH and BM might lose some of her "bitterness" towards me if she herself was married.
As far as putting my foot down I have tryed. DH told me he plans on "taking the high road" with BM for his sons sake but I see it as BM calling all the shots. DH also told me he does not like to fight but he has no problem fighting with me about this issue.I just don't get it.
I agree completely
I think that is why our BM is bitter too. She too has had many sugar daddy types pay her for, something? but if you spend all your time 'desecrating' marriage, no one thinks you want to be married, right? I think she tries to act like she is some bad ass who is just too cool to settle down, but my version of the truth is that to get along with someone enough to be committed and married requires an effort she is not willing to put in.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
why????!
It's definetly because they have 0 balls!! Maybe also that it would take more energy to do the right thing. Maybe cause they are scared to be the B A D guy, like bm portrays. Who knows, but ya know I think we have all been there.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
I had the same problem with
I had the same problem with my SO. It was horrible. And my SO still doesn't stick up for himself, or for me the way I think he should. But that's the key...the way "I" think he should. He has to find his own path and I have to let him. I no longer respond at all to the BM and haven't for a long, long time. I stepped away from it all. She has finally, finally given up on calling him and emailing him all the time with all her BS. Every now and then she sends out a whammy with a huge guilt trip in it, but I think she's actually exhausted herself :-). We keep hoping she finds a man, and we've seriously thought about trying to hire someone to take her out a few times to get her out of her self-absorbed misery. But we decided there's probably no one that would take us up on that offer :-(. I know...that's mean. But I do hope she finds someone, and I'd be ecstatic if that's the reason she is slowing down on her ranting communication. We'll see. It's more likely she's up to some other cruel guilt trip or sneaky action that will hit SO in the face in a week or two. Or day or two.
too funny
fearless that was an excellent post, brass nards... you are a hoot thanks for the giggle.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."