What's the relationship like with YOUR ex?
Thought this might be an interesting discussion for those of us that have ex BF's. Mine is actually pretty fair. It has been very difficult at times but for us we have reached the point of not hating eachother and can have discussions and agree without things getting heated. We have a 4 yo son and I told my ex from the beginning that I wanted to get along with him as well as possible for our son's sake. He was very bitter at first and mean because I left him but we have discussed our feelings and what it was like when we were together and we both agree that splitting up was for the best and are happier with our lives now. He has a girlfriend and I too have someone else. I do not badmouth her, I will have conversations with her and we get along just fine. We have boundaries in place and are all in agreement that we need to get along for my son's sake. I don't want him poisoned by our crap. At first my son's BF tried badmouthing my boyfriend but I told him that I would not stand for that and it is not right. I will not badmouth his girlfriend to our son because he is going to be around her regardless of what I say and I don't want him confused or to have to choose sides. As long as she is good to him, which she is, that is all that matters to me. I told ex BF that I expected the same respect for me and my partner. I have let go of my past relationship and accepted that it was not meant to be. Now on the other hand I don't think I could ever get along with the BM of my boyfriends kids. I will not talk to her (have only spoken to her once in a year and a half and it was ugly). I will be good to her children although she thinks I'm the devil who ruined her life even though I didn't meet BF until they were separated. I don't understand these nutty, hateful, evil BMs.
Ex Hubby....
My relationship with my ex is perfect.....I do not see him & only hear from him once every year or so. He is not an active part in the kids lives (see's them only every few years), which is good because he is in & out of jail...he does not pay support although ordered...which in the beginning I have to admit it ticked me off. Now I look at it as, oh well, the kids always know who has been there for them and provided for them.
With the ex stepping back out of the picture with the kids has allowed 2 out of 3 (kids) to become very settled, do well socially as well as in school...pretty good kids actually (however, they do have their moments...LOL). Our oldest though is a hard learner....he will have many of life's experiences to make him overcome hurdles. But he is now an adult, so it's time mom steps back and lets him figure things out.
At night when I am going to sleep, I have "visions" of hubby's ex stepping back out of the picture
....then I fall asleep, wake up and my nightmare begins again with her tormenting us!! :sick: Guess I can't have everything........
Corie
The epitomy of the ex from hell...
My situation with my ex is similar to yours, Corie, in that he is not very physically active in the kids lives being that he lives in a different state...however, the HUGE difference between my ex and yours is that my ex has been harrassing my children since he doesn't have the balls to torment me. He thinks that he can bully them into feeling sorry for him by bad mouthing me. One of my daughters (16 yrs old) had to do a persuasive speech for school last week and chose the topic: why there should be stiffer penalties for dead beat parents. As part of her speech, she decided to text her father-my ex (whom she has a very strained relationship with) to interview him on why he doesn't pay his child support, especially since it is such a minimal amount ($150/month for three kids). He basically told her to shut her mouth because she doesn't know anything and posed the question whether she is even his daughter. He went on to tell her that I cheated on him when we were together (which is not true), in addition to saying that I made false allegations that he abused me (I have witnesses to the abuse and police reports). My daughter is a very smart girl. She researched blood tests online and told him that if HE wanted to get a paternity test done, he needs to do it through the courts and should have done this 11 years ago when the divorce was going through court. He had every excuse why he didn't do it back then and every excuse why he is not paying the child support (he paid the CS for a period of time but currently owes $10,000 in arrears).
My ex has serious mental health issues and needs some professional help. Who puts this kind of burden on their own child? In addition to this, on Easter, my ex supposedly attempted to commit suicide. Prior to this, he sent a mass suicide note via email to approximately 10 people...guess who three of these people were? My three children. What kind of parent sends their minor children their suicide note?
So to put it gently, I have much to deal with on the home front with the damage that this person is doing to my children. They are very well-adjusted kids and deal with my ex's antics in their own ways, but I always let them know that they can ask any questions or talk about their feelings with me.
Any thoughts on how to get a restraining order against my ex for what he has said to my daughter? She wants nothing to do with him and has expressed to me that she would like to get one, but he has not threatened to harm her in anyway. The only evidence she has that he was horribly aggressive toward her is her transcription of the text messages that she used for her speech.
OMG Kimmie
The one thing I have to be thankful for is that my ex stepped away from the kids to allow them a normal life. I am sure it was for his own selfish reasons, but regardless, the kids are better because of it.
I know on our email accounts, we can hit junk when an email comes in from someone & it blocks them (as its returned as unsendable). Sometimes we have to do it a couple of times but then it does NOT allow them to send any further emails....I think it is then classified as spam.
I am not sure what your laws are there, I am Canadian, but I am certain that you must be able to get some form of restraining order for your daughter....or she for herself as she is now 16. What if you call your local police dept and just ask for information...possibly they would call him and tell him that if he contacts her again, he will be charged??!!
He must have serious issues to send your kids an email like that...like my God, how could you do that to your own children? Terrible.
I am proud of your daughter for doing that speech. I would imagine that now that she is getting older she wonders about why her father wouldn't pay child support...especially at an amount like that per month. How could one not manage to pay that amount????
Change her number as well for any further text messages coming in....eliminate any possible ways you can for her to be contacted by him......
Let me know how you make out!
corie
WOW
Holy Moses!! I though my ex was a nut job....you got the prize on that one kimmie! Other than your daughter ignoring him and cutting off all contact I see no way to get him out of her life. Changing her email address is a start and not giving it to him. I know that would be a pain to make sure others she wants to have it get it but I think it's worth the pain to get rid of him.
Thanks!
Thanks for your feedback Corie and Kassendrarayne. I think I will look into the restraining order process for my daughter. She does not fear him outright but I think in the back of her mind (and mine), she thinks about the possibility of him flying to our state and causing problems like some kind of psycho. I'll keep you guys posted as to how this all goes. By the way, I am first and foremost a bio mom and a "someday step mom"...that's why I joined this. It is just crazy...the things that my BF and I have had to deal with with our exes. For a while, it was my BF's crazy ex-wife that was stalking us and our family...now it's my ex verbally attacking my daughter. Thanks again...this forum has helped me a lot with getting an outsiders point of view.
OMG
Wow, I thought I had it bad. My BS16's father pays no attention to him and still blames me for getting pregnant, like I got that way alone. He still does not understand that BS16 is not going back where he came from. He does pay a goodly amount of child support and health insurance so I can't complain on that front.
My BD7's father has her EOW, most of the time, pays his child support, but gets behind at least once a year due to health issues or loosing a job. Sometimes he is civil and other times he acts like a child throwing a temper tantrum right in front of our daughter. he regularly throws child support in my face and I have never complained if it did not come due to him changing jobs, etc. He has had insurance in her on and off over the years but never provides me with a card or benefits book so I can't really use it so he pays for it for nothing.
I guess that's why they are
I guess that's why they are exes eh smurfy1smile!!! As for my children, I would say that they have been raised by me...single-handedly since my oldest was six years old and have adjusted well to life in general despite my exes crazy behavior. My oldest is now 18 and going off to college this fall. I only have to deal with my ex's crappy attitude for a few more years...when my son (who is now 14) reaches 18. They have a wonderful "someday step-dad" (my BF) that both financially and emotionally supports them. They are taken care of in everyway and when my ex brings his negative vibe into our family life...we try to point out to the kids that my ex is very sick and needs help. And until he can fully admit that he needs some professional help, he will try to verbally harm them due to his own issues.
It has been a tough road dealing with my ex over the years, but my children are finally seeing the light...that their so-called father is a poor excuse for one. Thanks for sharing your story!