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What does disengaging look like in a typical day?

talia11's picture

Submitted by talia11 on Mon, 09/03/2012 - 6:07pm

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I have decided after reading that wondering post about disengaging, that for me to survive the next 3 years before SSis old enough to move out, I MUST disengage. Just have no idea what that looks like in a typical day and would like some examples? at the moment my husband works from 8am - 5pm Mon - Fri and once a month on call so out most nights/weekends, my work hours are more flexible so I am home majority of the time, so usually get his dinner etc.

talia11's picture

Submitted by talia11 on Tue, 09/04/2012 - 12:35am

And do you tell the skids you are disengaging from them? My Ss is 15yo so well and truly old enought o understand what is going on.

ocs's picture

Submitted by ocs on Thu, 09/06/2012 - 7:55am

My DH now calls me cold to SD12.

Sorry- but there is only so much talking and trying to engage with a kid who just won't receive it. He is a very affectionate dad, actually, pretty affectionate all around. I'm simply just not as touchy, never have been.

He doesn't see my side and I don't see his, he just thinks i 'don't get it.' I, on the other hand, think he is blinded by his daughter and the behaviors that a parent will put up with and expect, are not what a step would. She actually says she doesn't like me as her stepmom. This is fine, but then how am i supposed to be warm and fuzzy? Apparently he doesn't understand how not everyone in her vicinity will drop to their knees. He seems to think that if I want to change the situation, I can, but until then- no big deal. (the crux is- she doen't like me and that's ok, but don't blame me for the coldness)

I don't do laundry, keep her on time, clean her room etc.. I do ask about school and friends etc. She talks a lot about BM, I ignore. I make sure she won't harm herself... She's moody, I don't ask why... I have never driven or kept her by myself. When she calls DH, I don't say hello or ask about their conversation.
We have EOW, so when she is here, I make myself busy and do spend some time with them, but not much.