My experience is being a step parent in general can take a toll on your self esteem. What are some things that can make you feel better about being a step parent ?
But, there are times when I look at what my SD's have accomplished and I do feel good because they are more successful, in part, because of my influence.
But your self esteem? honestly your partner should be making you feel good about your efforts too. They should be thanking you for doing what is a thankless task at times. I think parenting in general IS a thankless task. I mean, yeah.. mother's day... and occasionally kids will get all gracious... but for the most part the parent's reward is not a thank you from their kids. As step parents, we don't have that same bond... so it can be hard to accept that we are doing things for people that may not really appreciate our efforts.
ESMOD, everything you say is true. We should have partners who realize that we are NOT required to step in and make up for slipshod/crappy parenting. When we do things, many of us do it because we CARE. While my DH was appreciative of what I did, BioHo certainly was NOT and pretty much step-PAS'd the skids against me. My caring for the skids died a slow death because of it. I no longer do things for the skids, but I continue to do things for my DH - and the skids may benefit from it. Things like cooking Christmas dinner. I consider that a gift to my husband. It no longer matters one bit if the skids are thankful. Those feelings were killed off.
BM is just a failed experiment gone wrong and was a mistake. Dh being so involved with the skids speaks VOLUMES about him as a person. So I definitley caught a good one.
Then you repeat those things over and over and try not to break BM's nose.
When I stay true to myself no matter how much pressure from SS, DH, or BM (by proxy via the damage & emotional trauma she's so generously served up to those she should have loved & cared for). Just now practicing this, and the backlash has been painful, but it's worth it!
Having sat on this question and now coming back to it this morning, my answer is simple. My answer is about what can make someone feel better about being a step parent.
Education and wising up secondary. Cant have one without the other.
Admittedly I never had low self esteme about being a step parent in almost 20 years of being one.
Definition of self-esteem taken from Merriam Webster. A confidence and satisfaction in oneself, self respect.
A few weeks ago, my YSD was playing in the park with another girl, who asked her ‘What’s your mom’s name?’ She didn’t know that I was listening and replied ‘Which one?’ That was one of my favourites.
So being a stepparent took a toll on your self esteem? How so and how we can help you with that? Or you think other stepparents might need help with self esteem? What do you mean by personal experience? In your own home or watching others? Not sure how much help you can get by finding out what others do. It seems too generic. What help and support do YOU need?
Testicular fortitude works wonders in blended family situations. Zero tolerace of unreasonable behavior, confronting the toxic players head on, and never backing off.
And I found it to be quite entertaining for the 16+ years we lived under my SS-26's Custody/Visitation/Support CO.
That the skids are NOT my
That the skids are NOT my circus; not my monkeys.
I was going to say alcohol..
I was going to say alcohol...lol.
I thought that was a given...
I thought that was a given...
Aniki is right.
Aniki is right.
In the end, these kids are not our monkeys.
But, there are times when I look at what my SD's have accomplished and I do feel good because they are more successful, in part, because of my influence.
But your self esteem? honestly your partner should be making you feel good about your efforts too. They should be thanking you for doing what is a thankless task at times. I think parenting in general IS a thankless task. I mean, yeah.. mother's day... and occasionally kids will get all gracious... but for the most part the parent's reward is not a thank you from their kids. As step parents, we don't have that same bond... so it can be hard to accept that we are doing things for people that may not really appreciate our efforts.
ESMOD, everything you say is
ESMOD, everything you say is true. We should have partners who realize that we are NOT required to step in and make up for slipshod/crappy parenting. When we do things, many of us do it because we CARE. While my DH was appreciative of what I did, BioHo certainly was NOT and pretty much step-PAS'd the skids against me. My caring for the skids died a slow death because of it. I no longer do things for the skids, but I continue to do things for my DH - and the skids may benefit from it. Things like cooking Christmas dinner. I consider that a gift to my husband. It no longer matters one bit if the skids are thankful. Those feelings were killed off.
What makes me feel good is
What makes me feel good is spending time with MY family, getting enough exercise, and prioritizing my savings.
If I am doing those three things I feel like I matter and have value...and like I can handle most of the other crap.
Why is your self esteem low?
Why is your self esteem low? Is it because of how your step kid(s) treat you or how your husband treats you when they are around?
BM is just a failed
BM is just a failed experiment gone wrong and was a mistake. Dh being so involved with the skids speaks VOLUMES about him as a person. So I definitley caught a good one.
Then you repeat those things over and over and try not to break BM's nose.
I beleive my DH is abusive so
I beleive my DH is abusive so I'm slowly extricating myself.
Staying true
When I stay true to myself no matter how much pressure from SS, DH, or BM (by proxy via the damage & emotional trauma she's so generously served up to those she should have loved & cared for). Just now practicing this, and the backlash has been painful, but it's worth it!
Having sat on this question
Having sat on this question and now coming back to it this morning, my answer is simple. My answer is about what can make someone feel better about being a step parent.
Education and wising up secondary. Cant have one without the other.
Admittedly I never had low self esteme about being a step parent in almost 20 years of being one.
Definition of self-esteem taken from Merriam Webster. A confidence and satisfaction in oneself, self respect.
A few weeks ago, my YSD was
A few weeks ago, my YSD was playing in the park with another girl, who asked her ‘What’s your mom’s name?’ She didn’t know that I was listening and replied ‘Which one?’ That was one of my favourites.
Thes rest of the time, alcohol.
So being a stepparent took a
So being a stepparent took a toll on your self esteem? How so and how we can help you with that? Or you think other stepparents might need help with self esteem? What do you mean by personal experience? In your own home or watching others? Not sure how much help you can get by finding out what others do. It seems too generic. What help and support do YOU need?
Testicular fortitude works
Testicular fortitude works wonders in blended family situations. Zero tolerace of unreasonable behavior, confronting the toxic players head on, and never backing off.
And I found it to be quite entertaining for the 16+ years we lived under my SS-26's Custody/Visitation/Support CO.