What the....
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Have any of you ever looked at your SO/DH/DW and wanted to really ask them WTF were they thinking when with their ex-wife/girlfriend/one night stand that resulted in the spawn?
And if you have wondered this, have you then ever looked at yourself and wondered WTF is wrong with you to end up with said situation?
Just curious if I am alone on this one...
It took me awhile to accept
It took me awhile to accept the fact that there’s bm and skids. Now it doesn’t matter I’m the wife to him and the mother of the only child that carries his last name.
Of course he still has relationships with other kids but come on...what is every other weekend compared to the love and attention you provide to the child who lives with you.
My DH has said repeatedly
My DH has said repeatedly that BM was not this bad when he met her. He's still kind of shocked at how bad it got and who she turned out to be. She's so manipulative and so good at playing the victim and impression management, I can see that's true. Plus, personality disordered people tend to be on their best behavior until they think they've got you under their thumb, and that takes a while.
I concur with this experience
I concur with this experience.
DH and I work hard to make the marriage work...and it helps that we really love each other. DH grew up religious and BM was the first person he ever slept with (I'm not knocking it...I also grew up religious, and DH is the first and only person I've ever slept with). However, in his case...it did lead him to marry someone who is so clearly not right for him in every way. He's told me many times that he knew on his wedding day that he was marrying her out of guilt and that he wasn't in love with her.
All of DH's friends from college have confided in me, one-on-one, that they never understood what happened there...and many of them have told me they pleaded with DH not to marry her because she just was so clearly not the one for him (and vice versa, I suppose...but these were his friends so they saw it as her being 'wrong' for him.)
Anyway. I think that two people who are so horribly mismatched can turn into shells of themselves...or caricatures of themselves...over a ten-year marriage. It's almost like, instead of smoothing out each others' rough edges and bettering each other, like you do in a good marriage...each makes the other cling more stubbornly to the parts of his/her personality that are the most hateful to the other person.
I know in my DH's case...she became a near-hermit homebody full of anxiety, chaos, and panic...and he became an exaggerated version of himself...outgoing, an 'emcee' personality, always throwing himself into work.
Now...I'm introverted but not aloof or standoffish like BM...and I don't have crippling social anxiety or a manipulative need to control what my DH does. I also have enough confidence to let him out of my sight and do my own thing. I enjoy his warm, outgoing personality...I don't try to change it or make him feel guily for it...or tell him he's not a good dad/husband because he has ambition.
In this environment, with someone he really loves...he's actually turned into more of a homebody and a little more clingy than I am. I could use more alone time!
To be fair, I don't have kids with him...so I don't know how I'd feel if I did and I felt like he was running off and leaving me with the kids. But I can also see how that woman would make anyone want to run off...her kids all got out of there as fast as they could, too. There's only so much guilt and manipulation a person can take.
Both DH’s BM’s were mistakes,
Both DH’s BM’s were mistakes, and I think he’s a massive idiot for getting involved with either of them.
There were obvious signs & red flags that BM1 was crazy, but he was thinking with his small head & surprise surprise, she got pregnant. I believe with no shadow of a doubt she did it on purpose, but he’s the moron who stuck it in there, so I hold him more responsible than that pos. She’s not even remotely attractive, so I genuinely, for the life of me don’t understand why he did it.
BM2, I have never heard a kind word about her from any of his friends, and they’ve always brought it up to me, it’s never been me asking. Every single one of them has commented on what a miserable cow she is, how poor a fit she was for him, and how much happier he’s been since he left her & met me. His dad once even commented years ago in front of me that DH has finally met someone that actually suited him.
At the same time, DH says that if he hadn’t made those mistakes, chances are we wouldn’t of met. So in a roundabout way, he wouldn’t change anything if he could go back because of how happy we are together now.
Man alive though, I do wish sometimes we could have met without all the BM drama & baggage. Life would be much simpler without it.
Not exactly. My DW was 16
Not exactly. My DW was 16 when SS was born. BioDad was 22. Though I detest the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan in general I get how a young woman would find the attentions of an older nice looking guy would be flattering.
Fortunately, DW learned from that heinous mistake and made sure that it did not happen again.
As for looking at our marriage and wondering why I am in it... I have zero doubts about that. My wife is an incredible person, she is extremely intelligent, driven, successful, caring, a great mom and an amazing life partner.
Not that the last 24+ years have not been without their challenges. They most certainly have had their challenges. Many that were blended family related, mostly based on the manipulative crap pulled by the blended family opposition.
I have a few times in arguments with hubby
about skid issues and how i’m treated and how he enables/allows the disrespect and bad treatment to him as his wife.
one day i did say how could you have kids with an exwife like that, then think ok have a baby, nope no change and have another one and another one before saying to yourself i’m in a depeer shithole with a manipulative crazy bitch ill equipped to be a wife yet alone a mother. Same exwife never wanted those kids and every sex session wanted to lay there like a log, emotionless and wanted hubby to get it over and done with then ran to the bathroom to rinse out her vagina to prevent a pregnancy
now her born again changed soul for the sake of her kids (eyes rolling) and she loves them blah blah blah... she doesn’t love hem because she alienated them from hubby, brainwashed them, manipulated and narcissistic behaviour has their 3 kids following her, reporting to her and they are ill equipped for life
hubby was very successful in his career but she sabotaged it with her bullshit. Hubby has regrets having those kids with her, he has said to me he wasted 14 yrs with her, it wasn’t a marriage but torture. He never experienced the normal stable married life until he met me so i make it very clear that existing behaviours and treatments of his kids to me and how he allows it to happen will destroy our marriage and he will grow a lonely old man because his kids with ex only want to benefit from his wealth and pampering, they have no respect and would not have any heart to care for him in old age.
so i told him to not sabotage our marriage. He is starting to see the light but its a long process
Ya it sickens me to be honest
Ya it sickens me to be honest when I think about it. She is such a serpent it blows my mind how he got himself so far down the rabbit hole. DH is a very smart person but extremely passive and forever an optimist- he always thinks things will get better.
His parents and sister have always detested to the woman though- his mom said she cried the entire way to the wedding because she felt like his life was over and ruined. His family are awesome and extremely supportive in general- so that should have served as a huge warning to him, but nope.
i think once he got himself into it he panicked and kept doing more thinking it would solve or fix things.... but the deeper he got into it the worse she got and the more she knew she had him by the balls.
On one hand I feel bad for him, on the other I’m disgusted and disturbed.
haha yes, yes I do. I also
haha yes, yes I do. I also wonder how he ended up with another woman who was an idiot, and now he's with me.