Well that’s a big shame
My SS is now 17. Many, many moons ago, when he was only 6, I met his dad, my DH. Long story short, I didn't cope with SS & XW, and despite going to the ends of the earth to work on the situation, I disengaged. This caused many conflicts, run-ins, clashes and ultimately falling outs with DH's family - fallouts that lasted for YEARS. And SS and DH had their own period of estrangement for a time as well.
Cut to the present day: DH and I had a baby girl, who is now 18-months old. When she was born, I decided to bury the hatchet and be on speaking terms with DH's family again. When we had a first birthday party for her, we invited SS17, who came!
We all couldn't believe how much he had grown up changed. So mature! So calm, cool and collected! So sensible!
DH and I decided to give SS visits another shot, and for a while, everything was peachy.
The only trouble is that the honeymoon period is wearing off, and SS is becoming just a grown up version of the pushy and manipulative little brat he was years ago.
Yes, he doesn't throw screaming meltdowns. But he pushes us into buying him lots of costly junk food from 7-Eleven, restaurants and takeout. And uses our remote control to buy/download movies that cost money from out smart tv. Things like that.
Also, he has inherited his mother's love of competing troublemaking and gossiping. Many times now, he's heckled me about having a baby at an 'older age' (unlike his mother), or the fact that the baby is too old to have a bottle, or the fact that at 18-months, she should be able to say more words at this age.
The final straw was when he had his mum on loudspeaker during a conversation, and I could hear my name come up a few times. I demanded explanation. He said "Oh Mum just reckons that a lot of things you do are nerdy. And she reckons you dress like someone who has really let themselves go."
Seriously ? What a load of nonsense. I have not let myself go at all. Yes I wear active wear 24/7, but I'm still taking a while to get my body back into shape. And it's covid. We can't go anywhere to dress up right now.
I honestly thought that our problems were a thing of the past, and that the clouds had finally parted, and that the sun was finally shining. I was wrong.
I messaged SS to say that he can have a few weeks rest from visiting us. He's become all defiant and doing a heap of blame shifting.
They never change, as they
They never change, as they get older they just discover new ways to try to get to you.
My SS was alienated from 15
My SS was alienated from 15-18 - when he returned at 18, he seemed different, too - more mature, less of a Mama's Boy than we thought. At first - but quickly it became clear that he's no different than he was when he was younger, still a liar, still completely dependent on BM. Just a little more savvy about covering it up. Neither of us have seen him 8 months, by DH's choice. He's almost 21, still lives with BM - no job, no school, no driver's license. Hasn't said Happy Birthday or Happy Father's Day to DH in 6 years. Lies continually (mostly to himself) about his big plans for his future - just the same as he was at 12.
Someone said steplife is like
Someone said steplife is like swimming with sharks. How true that is!
So you let the SS back in, and at first all was bliss, a perfect day at the beach. But he's entitled, and a boundary stomper like his Great White mommy, so now he's taking little nips at you.
Your DH needs to have a Come to Jeebus talk with him about appropriate behavior and expectations. The message needs to come from HIM, and it can't have any "MissJulsie made me say this, you know how she can be", or you'll be screwed.
If he doesn't put a stop to this in a firm, direct way, there will be blood in the water. And you will be the victim.
Thanks for your support
Thanks for your support people. For what it's worth, I've started looking up videos on fashion
Don't do that. One of the
Don't do that. One of the good things about the pandemic is being able to wear sweatpants all the time!
Just stop. These are all easy problems to fix.
Pressuring you into buying junk food.....? Don't do that. When he pushes, he starves. Cause.... effect. He can eat what he is given or he can go hungry.
He buys movies using your TV remote..... Lock up the remote. Get a small finger print activated safe for your family room coffee table and lock up the remote when you are not using it. End of that problem.
He is 17 not 7. If he is being a dick, blast him. Since he is behaving as a child, treat him as a child. Make sure to do it in as public and overt manner as possible. Public humiliation tends to work well on toxic moron older children.
Since he and mommy are fond of gossipping and ridiculing you, use mommy as your ass baring medium to give this POS 17yo clarity. "So, you fat old assed breeding mother is perfect huh? Explain that to me please." and "At least your sister will not be raised by your POS mother."
Have some fun. When they get snarky, go for their throats.
Enjoy!!!!!
Congrats on the baby.
You are doing the right thing
Protect yourself and protect your child from these people. Living with you is a PRIVILEGE and he just cost himself that priviliege. Hes old enough to know better, I wish your DH had said something more along the lines of "That was unkind and mean, I expect better of you, son..."
But if you want to improve your life for YOU, have at it.
Toxic Troll, when I was pretty new in the relationship, told Feral Forger SD21 that I:
Looked pregnant
Had no chin or eyebrows
Petty and mean and small-minded. Let them wallow in their own muck, you have better things to do!
This thread is old, but it
This thread is old, but it resonates. I've been told by SD18 that her mom thinks I wear too much floral, wear loose pants because I've given up on my relationship, don't wear enough makeup, am cocky with sports and hurt myself too much, think I'm too good at everything, etc. I've said literally two words in person to this woman.
The words of someone with little intellect and zero confidence.
Let her wallow in the stench of her inferiority.