DH & i flew to Vegas and were married at the courthouse.  We had a situation where not one member of either family was happy about us getting married.  46 years later, here we are.

We took all 5 kids to my brother's wedding a 8nd reception.  They all did fine but were bored to death.  We had few family events and when we did (Christmas), began hosting at our house.  With 5 kids, it was just easier.

SD7 was the flowergirl and SD5 was the ring bearer at our wedding.  I never considered not having them play a role in the wedding.  DH is the father of my only bio, and she wasn't born when we got married.  BM was NOT invited to our wedding.  We are friendly with BM's sister, and DH was very close with BM's father, but we (mostly I) chose not to invite them, either.

We haven't been to a wedding in the past few years where children were invited, either on my side or DH's, but if skids were invited, we would take them whether it was my side or DH's.  I would never presume to take a child to a wedding unless they were specifically invited, so whether skids (or our bio) would attend would largely depend on whether the bride and groom wanted them there.  DH's family lives many hours away, so we do not go to any of his family events, but skids come to my family events if the event falls at a time when they're with us.  My parents have welcomed skids as they would welcome their own grandchildren.

We only had 6 guests at our wedding - my 2 daughters and partners, and the 2 SDs.  Elder SD and my elder daughter did readings.  

When my daughters got married, the SDs were invited and came to the weddings.  But I would rather shoot myself than have NPD BM attend anything.  I never go to anything she's at, including SD25's graduation. 

I have never taken my DDs to any of DH's family events.  And in any case, I have been no contact with his mother since 2018.  

I never wanted a big wedding. DH and I went to the courthouse and got married. Only my maid of honor and his best man were in attendance. 

We eloped to a local park with only out two best friends for witness and officiant. 6 months later we had a dinner and SS was invited to that. 
 

SS wasn't informed about any of it ahead of time,  so BM couldn't ruin it somehow. 

We went to a beach off of the Carolinas - about 30 people travelled to attend (all family/extended family on both sides). It was a cute, informal ceremony and his 4 kids/my3 kids were all in the wedding. Last time they were all in the same place (2016). We have great pictures, but looking at those you'd think we are the Brady Bunch - definitely not! It was just a moment in time that will never occur again. It was a beautiful wedding though.

We got married in our living room. The boys attended, along with close friends and family. They also stayed the weekend because we planned it for when DH had custody time.

We have taken the boys to family/friend functions when it makes sense. A friend got married out of state and then had a reception back here on a weekend with the boys, so they went. We've also taken them to various holidays and/or had them when we've hosted something. Now that they're teen/adult, they get a lot of choice in events they want to attend.

BM isn't invited to anything anymore. I tried the one big happy family BS for a few years, got bit by it, and learned my lesson. No way was BM going to be at my wedding, and no way now will she be involved in anything I host. 

BM recently got remarried and neither the boys or her DH's kids were invited. They eloped, so it wasn't like they had a big ceremony or anything, but I have noticed that BM has kind of pushed the boys out of her life more and more as this new DH has come in. Part of me thinks it's great that she has turned into this so that DH gets to spend time with his kids, but part of me also shakes my head because this is what she does to men, and now that her boys are young men, I see her casting them aside (and not in a "let them fly out of the nest" sort of way).

DH and I got married a couple of years ago in the town we met. We had about 75 family and friends come. SD was 8 at the time. She was the flowergirl. His nephew was the ring bearer. DH really wanted her to stand up front with the bridesmaids instead of sitting down with her cousin... so she stood up front. SD was a pill the entire day. She didn't want anyone to touch her hair. She didn't want to wear her nice shoes. Everyone could tell she was cranky and honestly it was kind of embarassing. We tried to include her in all of the pictures, but she didn't smile in a single one. When we got pictures back months later, we made an album and also a collage to hang on the wall. She was flabbergasted that she was only in a couple. DH reminded her that she was in a mood and didn't smile in any of the pictures. SD then of course spun it "I was crying so much because I was just happy for you guys." Um, no. You were dealing with a bunch of other emotions too (which is totally normal and understandable) but you were a pill for everyone to be around. She balled her eyes out when it was time to leave with her grandparents after the reception. She didn't want to go to bed. Etc. Etc. Etc. 

If I had to do it over again.... I would say something super intimate and private would be the best route. DH had a falling out with his mom after the wedding (so much drama between his mom and SD), so it would have been nice to just leave the drama out of it. 

We eloped and had a big party for family and friends about a month after. SD didn't come because she demanded that DH drive down to get her in the morning and drop her off in the evening. She lived 3 hours away so she basically asked for DH to spend 12 hours in the car on the day of the celebration, which would have made it impossible to help out or enjoy himself. BM refused to even meet halfway. He put his foot down and said no, if you want to come you can spend the night.

She didn't come. TBH I was surprised SD came to my baby shower. 

We had a small (20 family members) destination wedding at a location everyone could get to easily and it was affordable - we did it in an 'all inclusive' marriage chapel. It was great!  We took both SDs (10 and 12 then) and went early for a few alone vacation days. We had a good time. YSD was a little difficult for wedding clothing - she refuses to ever wear skirts, so we compromised on a skort which was great, otherwise she was fine. OSD was good up until after the wedding. OSD and my niece were "flowergirls" - a compromise as OSD really, really wanted to plan the whole dang thing (uh no. but at least there was no drama about being told she had NO role in planning).

After the wedding, which was lovely, DH and I went to get pictures alone, and SDs demanded to come, photographer was even against it, but we gave in so long as my neice could also come (a buffer for OSD) and they assist with holding out stuff. Better than a meltdown from OSD at that point. So time passes...OSD refuses to hold our things, niece and YSD are the only two helping. I tell OSD after the first location to get our things NOW and help my niece. DH started carrying things and I made him stop and give them to the girls (It's OUR wedding). We finish with pictures with litte drama but you can tell OSD is p*ssed she has to help - she always wants the glory but not the work.

So we are walking to the dinner and OSD is incensed and this or that and complaining to no end. We stop to cross the street near the restaurant and I turn to her and DH and I say, livid, "You need to STOP RIGHT NOW. This is OUR day and you are NOT going to ruin it so ZIP it." DH agreed with me. She didn't speak with me the rest of the night. She also had a meltdown in the restaurant about where everone was sitting (my niece didn't want to sit with her I think). Started crying and whining like a 6 yo - my sister and my SIL removed her from the table and had a chat with her in the bathroom. No idea what was said to this day but she stopped whining.  Then after dinner some people went to get ice cream with SDs (they stayed with my sis and fam for the next 2 days while DH and I stayed at an amazing gorgeous hotel...OMG I still love that place) and no good byes were said to us by OSD. She just walked away. DH was stunned - I just had a glass of champs and was like, good riddance for now!

So that's the story of SDs at the wedding - but overall it was lovely, stress free and wonderful to see everyone in one place and I married DH!

We had a surprise wedding on a boat.  We invited 75 people to my "birthday" party and had catered food, drinks and cake.  

DH wanted his two boys to stand up with him and I had my best friend since I do not have children.

The pictures are ok, but SS17 didn't really smile in any of them.  We knew going in that he wouldn't smile, but SS22 made up for it with his beeming smile.

It was a beautiful day!

SD was flower girl and my son was ringbearer. Our officiant actually suggested they just go sit down after walking up the aisle because the day is about the couple and having the kids up there is distracting. Which I thought was great. 

We had a fairly casual wedding. Another couple was our best man, matron of honor. Our kids (all young adults) did stand with us during the ceremony.

SD had a mini-meltdown. When we got our wedding pictures back, I saw that DH was holding her hand in the group photo. Not mine. I've never told him how disappointed I was about that and a couple other things. He's got all these great, gushy memories of that day and I'm just, eh. Should have had a destination wedding for just the two of us.

SSs were DH's groomsmen. They were 10 at the time. They didn't really have a choice and had to wear what we picked out. Neither one complained. One had a blast at the wedding, dancing the night away with everyone. The other sat in the corner like a deer in the headlights. He wouldn't even come out and dance with me, DH and his brother when they played a song that we would all sing to in the car all the time. We had about 100 people at the wedding - 9 were from DH's family and the rest were my friends and family. 

We got married near my family, which was out of state. We didn't invite BM and I was worried that she was going to cause an issue with DH getting out there in time to get our marriage license (in the state where we were married, you have to get your marriage license 3 full business days in advance), so we considered having a ceremony in a courthouse closer to home before our actual wedding, but fortunately, it didn't come to that. 

For the wedding, SSs stayed with DH in a hotel room and I stayed with my parents. On our wedding night, we stayed together and SSs stayed in the hotel room we paid for with MIL. They stayed with MIL most of the day after our wedding, so DH and I could spend some time alone together and they could spend time with DH's aunt and uncle who attended the wedding. Our biggest issue was SIL who ignored both DH and I at our wedding...she still ignores us, so nothing has changed in that regard. 

I wish that I had planned it MORE, and I wish that everyone I loved could have attended, but it is what it is. It was organic in how it evolved. At the time we wanted to get married, our landlord wanted us to buy the house we were renting and was pressuring us heavily. I had JUST quit a job that I had HATED and had worked at for low wage and high stress, so no savings. So we had zero funds and did not want a huge debt encumbering us. Plus BM is extrmely toxic and high conflict, and I knew that the children would have been conflicted if invited.

My girlfriend owns a large heavily wooded property outside of town and has officiated weddings for over 14 years now and has her property designed around events and weddings. Shes very natural and spiritual and sweet. It was beautiful. I had found a dress at a consignment shop for $23, my DH borrowed a traditional Filipino shirt called a barong. My husband-to-be purchased a large white flowering orchid for an altar piece. My parents were there and 2 of his close friends and thats it. It was a sunny warm summer day, dragonflies and butterflies and very casual. I did not wear white, I wore a dress that looked more like a watercolor abstract of blues and purples. 

My husbands niece did my hair and it looked very professional. I picked out a dozen sterling-purple pink roses and DH wrapped it in a ribbon he was given somewhere...

Like I said, it happened organically - the only thing that was planned was the people and the place.

We did not tell SD12 or Sd19. I slipped and mentioned something the night before. Toxic Troll tried texting DH, "hope your happy! Your girls are crying inconsolably!!!!" "I hope it works for you, I hope 3rd times the charm for you"(they had married in the courthouse first and then a ceremony in his sisters backyard). Luckily where we were at there is zero cell service. But he got more when we got home. No honey moon. I regret that too.

I regret that there was not more to it than that, but this was 2 years ago, and since then we have purchased the house we were renting, have purchased a fishing boat, and im in a job I love. SD is happy we are together, and is benefitting but I think she wishes that she were included, but also understands how toxic things were at that time.

Generally when there are weddings, the skids are included. I have no bios.

We wanted sd (then 4) to be at our wedding and she would have been a flower girl but BM caused a fuss and technically it was her custody time so sd was not allowed to attend. In between the time that we booked the wedding date and the wedding their custody schedule changed and we didn't really think through that bm might refuse sd attending. In the end it was fine, and sd doesn't seem fussed 8 years later that she wasn't included. We went away for a special trip (in addition to our adult only honeymoon) for a few days to celebrate as a family. 

As for other weddings, people normally state on invites if kids are invited or not and you can always ask if you are unsure. 

We had a small wedding (30 guests) in a small, historic Gold Rush era church. I had it beautifully decorated with lots of ivy and flowers. My dress cost $350 (spent loads more on flowers than the dress, but that's me), and DH opted for black western tuxes. SD12 was my only attendant, DH's childhood bestie was his best man, and SS10 acted as usher. SS had a great time, and loved being able to go up into the tower and ring the church bell after the ceremony. 

In hindsight I regret including SD. I was a dumb bunny and missed a lot of red flags, but the pictures don't lie. SD smiled for the formal groupings, but is frowning in ALL the candid ones.

BM1 attending was never even considered. She's a disordered shrew, but has never been a problem. BM2 a.k.a. Psycho is the high conflict crazy turd in the punchbowl, which is why YSD was not in attendance.

We had a small destination wedding about 25 people mostly family.  BM was so mad when she heard we were getting married that she among many other things files a court petition for child support.  She had a friend that worked in the courts so they scheduled the court date on the day we were getting married.  DH of course had to change it but still.  

The step kids did come and were not in the wedding.  My son was as he walked me down the isle.  

BM obviously did not get invited but we were afraid she would show up which is why we had a destination wedding to make it a little harder for her to get there.  Terrible to have to but true!!

Kids are typically not invited to most weddings I have ever attended even when they get older because of space and cost and  how many generations they are going back.  This is typical unless they are close.  So no they don't go.

We won't be having a wedding most likely.  We have talked about the benefits of marriage and how it makes a lot of sense to get married (eventually) in our situation. I haven't committed to that idea yet, but I did make it damn clear that if we decide to go that route, there will be no wedding. He acts all hurt when I say that, as he's more traditional than me and would want some form of something, like he cannot fathom why I'm against it.  It's led to a few fights even.  Well, he's been married before obviously (I haven't), and they had a big all-out to do: hundreds of guests, huge wedding party, tens of thousands of dollars, no expense spared ... and I know this from the accounts of his friends and family, who still mention how great it was, and then I also stumbled across a box of wedding pics of his when we moved! So basically, it was beauty and exactly the kind of wedding I have dreamed of my whole life. But he already did it, with her.
 

And he has said he wouldn't feel comfortable doing a big fancy wedding again and saw something "small and casual" for us. Like, no dress and tux, no bridesmaids or groomsmen, in someone's  backyard with a few dozen guests, no splurging on professional caterer, photographer (he says we could BBQ and a friend could take pics), that we wouldn't need to ask for gifts since we already own a house together...he envisions that sort of deal. So the ex got the whole cake and I would be offered stale crumbs.  And then acted all surprised that I hated that idea and was insulted by it.  I flat out said that even though he has been there done that, I never have, and why should I have to sacrifice my dreams because he already lived them? But then on the same hand, I also wouldn't want another big lavish wedding with him, to compete with what he already had. He also said that, though his immediate family would be happy to attend another wedding, he just doesn't thank it is right to invite a bunch of the same people - he's ashamed! Most of them probably wouldn't even bother to come. And I agree, I don't want to be on stage and a dog and pony show being witnessed by the same people who witnessed him saying the exact same things to his first wife. It just sounds embarrassing. So, no wedding.  Or local courthouse style, with a witness, I suppose. I've had a year or so to come to terms with the death of that dream.  As you can see, I haven't quite succeeded in coming to terms with it yet

We eloped to State Line Nevada and were married at Love's Lake Tahoe Wedding Chapel.

It was an announced elopment.  None of my wife's direct family came. They did not approve.  Her Aunt and Uncle came.   My mom attended, my brother and his family attended. My niece was 5mos old at that time.  My college BFF and his girlfriedn attended. My dad was overseas and could not atted. My SS was of course there. It was the week before he turned 2yo.

Hell no, no one from the SpermClan was invited.  And for damned sure I did not invite my XW.  I have no BKs so there was no drama from that vector.  An X has no business at a new wedding.