And SD22 excluded me on her dad's invitation to her wedding. The big irony here is that Dad AND I gave her 5000$ We almost did not do so, because she posted on my facebook wall on my birthday that just because I have their last name, I am not family. I decided to follow my promise of money. She has been MUCH too busy to come visit or have dinner out with us but suddenly when DH told her had money give her, poof, there is, awkwardly demanding check. I would have thought that I would be included in the invitation. My DH called to inquire as to why it was written that way and SD said she didn't want people to be uncomfortable since SD mom would be there. She wants bother parents to walk her down the aisle, and while I understand that having steps at events is often awkward. But most folks manage it anyway. The timing on the "I need that check" and the "your family is not invited to Christmas at the lake because SD 17 would throw a fit and DH's siblings don't want to deal with DH or more officially, me. SD17 has well and truly poisoned the well, with her lies about why she had to leave our home (found weed in her room, said she wanted the baby I was carrying to die, attacking my daughter from behind _ it took two grown men to restrain her.).

When the entire family takes up the flag of one child's, and does not reinforce mom and dad's rules, it is clear it will end in disaster.

I would appreciate some tips on how to disengagement, and fresh eyes on the situation would be helpul.