Personally, if I were about to end marriage #2 with similar qualities to the first, I'd avoid anyone with the same qualities like an XW and kids. It slims down who to date, sure, but until my picker is better, I'd just avoid that scenario altogether.

I'd also maintain my independence for as long as possible and not comingle funds - and that includes bailing out my other half if they can't be an adult. If I'm making good money, then I better be benefiting off of it, not someone else. 

I wouldn't go into it so much as "what are good/bad traits?" and more "what do I expect out of another human adult who shares a life with me?" I can tell you all day long what I think good traits are, but that doesn't mean you agree or want the same thing. And you likely already know what you want, otherwise you wouldn't be getting ready to bail. So tell any future partner upfront what you expect and hold them and yourself accountable.

I have to agree ... Take your time, do not get involved too quickly.  Be sure if you pick someone with kids again, be very slow and make 110% sure that you both are in agreement on everything from behaviors to the ex and money.  I was in a spiral pattern that could well have ended my marriage due to the same things I see in so many of us here ... There was not blame and accountability placed enough on my DW and my own self.  Yes, the kids and for some people the ex's can be a huge factor.  Just the same, preparing, communicating clearly (both, not just one of you) and placing your marriage at the center and not deifying the kids and drawing a firm line with the ex could make a difference.  Be strong and build on a solid foundation with all expectations, dreams, plans, contingencies clear

- High conflict BM/Ex. If there are children do the co-parent together? How close are they?

- Disney dad traits. How much money does he give BM/does he spend on kids.

- Everything is "about the kids come first".

- How does he communicate?

When you are getting your divorce - make sure to lawyer up and get a fabulous accountant. Make certain all the ducks are in a row for yourself. I re-read your first post, and you share a house together. Did you get a pre-nup? Can you sneak ina  post nup?

Forget about your next marriage until you are completely out of this one. Then take a long hard look at yourself, and what you did not see in the 2 husbands, and what did not work for you in them/these 2 marriages.

Good luck and keep us posted!

- Few or little boundaries with ex

-Angry or dismissive when you bring up ex/kid issues

-Disney dad syndrome (spoiling kids who behave poorly)

-"The kids come first" mentality (which means the kids know they rule the household and can manipuate)

-Underlying financial problems

I found this site as a was breaking up with Ex-BF who was the first (and will be the only) single dad I've ever dated. Red flags I saw:

Boundaries were not strong enough with Ex-wife; lots of her texting and him not being strong enough to shut it down.

He was not good with money (always a problem, but an even bigger one when there are financial obligations to a kid).

Said he understood that I would ultimately need to come first, but never showed me he could do that.

Actions never lived up to promises on a lot of levels.

Totally incompatible lifestyle since I have no kids, live in a huge city and love to lead a social life in the city, while son was in the burbs and he was always running out there.

Always had the feeling that he was a bit of a Disney dad, though I refused to meet the kid because there were so many basic issues between he and I.

Was way too laid back to manage his complicated life. I think laid back guys are awesome when they have no baggage, but if you're getting involved with a guy with an ex and kids they can't be laid back. You need a guy who is a high-powered litigator or something like that to put everyone in their place. If he has a mess to manage, he needs to run a tight ship or it will be at your expense.

Always showed up late to things with my family because he couldn't be firm about pick up times with Ex. (Again, wimp! Who could respect this??)

I would honestly rather be alone the rest of my life than ever date another guy with kids. And I don't believe for one second that there aren't warning flags in pretty much every instance. You may not know how bad it's going to get, but there are always red flags. Every story here of someone dating a single parent has red flags all over it. I'm not saying it can never work, but I think it's rare to find someone with no kids who ends up happy with someone who has them.

Its about you: you are moving too fast and too much. You want to be mum, but those children have their mum already. Be wife not mum.

You are ignoring all the red flags. You labelled them as qualities not as red flags. 

usedtobemajor      and     CLove       gave those list to you already.

The biggest red flag is if they are repeatedly telling you "My children comes first"  or " Their mums well being is still important to me" 

Those things dont need to be repeated again and again. If they are then something is wrong. 

Stupidity is doing the same things over and over again while expecting a different result.

Quit picking the same type of partner.

As for warning signs.... if they worship their prior relationship breeding experiments and allow their X to keep their gonads in a purse or pocket they are a write off before a relationship even starts.  It only takes a few weeks to ascertain if this is the case. If it is, don't pass GO, do not collect $200 and don't even discuss it.  Block their number and count  yourself lucky to have avoided a stupid decision.

Run. It is a life ruiner. A hugh conflict ex is the worst of the worst. Also, if they cannot have a conversation without fighting, run. If the kids are never disciplined, if he gets mad if you say anything about his kids,  if the kid has behavioral problems or mental issues, if your guy doesnt share schedule changes, run... I dont recommend this life to anyone, the emotional cost is too high for very little reward. My situation has only worsened with time. If you have your own bio kids with him, the stepkids' schedule and child support will take priority still over your own kid and you will lament not having your own family.  It is a messes up situation. I sincerely feel women without kids should not be with men with kids. The woman sacrifices everything to live by another family's schedule and dysfunction. I wish I never got involved to the extent I did.