want to get all this "moral incorrectness" of my chest - need your opinion
please note I am not trying to be politically /morally correct here bc I need emotional outlet that I can't have in my real life..new to this forum
moved in with DH of 4 a year ago, alternating weekends - 3 teens 1 college kid away. Ex-wife remarried and gave birth AGAIN all within a year postdivorce. My guy and me we are truly happy if only our bliss is not interrupted by his "baggage"! Frankly, he views it the same way but of course can't go public with this totally socially and morally unacceptable notion.
there is absolutely NO chemistry btw kids and m or dad and kids! spoiled rotten bunch that treat their dad as a wallet. Not even a phone call on his birthday but called to ask for money. He would never tell the kids but he does tell me...he regrets that he had them. Never wanted so many if at all. He was young and foolish and sometimes it shows in the way he interacts with them.
to add even more spite: I am a few years older than the oldest daughter. No cliche pls! I have a very demanding successful career and independent life.
Recently, kids stopped to visit. And I encouraged my mate to withdraw from them because in my opinion they are young adults now and it's their turn to contribute to a mutual human relationship. In the end it's me who will be on his side and not his kids. I can't deny the fact that I am not really sad if the ties to their dad loosens. I just don't care about them at all!
Am I evil, wrong ? It may look like it, but this is the delicate balance I found for myself to deal with this relationship. I myself grew up in a patchwork family (mom divorced 3x), connected to my 3 step-siblings and the a wonderful close relationship to my stepdad. So I've been on both sides!
There were moments when I felt overwhelmed by all this, had my tearful breakdowns, and asked myself why I want to put up with all this. But we do love each other and just wish to get rid of the past so badly!!
Thank you so much for your help in advance! I don't know where else to go to with all my confusion!
Well you are not alone. I
Well you are not alone. I don't know if you have been reading, but that is what I recommend because a LOT of first time posts sound like yours (and mine, which I had to delete for privacy issue). Read the posts and see what you relate to, if you haven't yet.
I think it is great in a way, that you do have that skid experience, to help you get through this. I am a little confused that your DH has dodged the guilty dad syndrome, how can that be?! LOL
It sounds all too familiar so welcome to our hell on earth-! ok, just joking about the hell part. Hugs and Welcome-!
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)Welcome! Why don't you like
Welcome! Why don't you like his kids? What do they do that makes you dislike them exactly? I see they are selfish, most teens are. But do they do anything to cause trouble?
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
thx you guys for the warm
thx you guys for the warm welcome. the kids are really ok, but no more. I am aware they could be worse, a lot worse...but then again I wouldn't put up with such a mess.
To the guilty dad issue: he had some but within very healthy limits...and that was my requirement too...if he couldn't take critics about his kids or take off the parenting rosy glasses...I'd be gone at once!
Wow! i guess alot of
Wow! i guess alot of stepkids are like this. This is how i feel about my sd. SHe expects her dad to put out on her command and when he doesn't she explodes and threatens not to see him..so he tell her off and told me he feels like he's just a money bank for them. She only calls if she can get something..unlike ss who honestly wants to visit, no drama ,no demands or threats! I would love for him to live with us. He's a positive and refreshing force compaired to his sister. ANd its sad cause i see alot of potential in this girl but BM has filled her with the knowledge of Cs and money money money..and dad has to give it! Her dad right now has given up...its really sad. He has not fully admitted itto me..i caught the end of a convo when i walked passed to give my son supper and basically heard he's had enough. He feels used and at this point has no desire to pick any of them up. But i've been encouraging him to pick up his son until the tides change.
Its bizaree..yes...stepkids fighitn gfor money??? they're not the ones who divorced the father....they didn't marry and have kids with him....this is the projection of mom onto her kids and they regurgitate this from her! Its awful!
after reading all your posts
after reading all your posts although nothing changed in real life but it certainly makes me feel less lonely out here. Good to know I am not the only one constantly struggling with this issue. So happy I found this community!!
now tell me, how are you handling the following situations and how you FEEL personally about it:
college: how much DH pays? if stepmom not paying bc no job...also if you consider have your own biokid w DH, how did you agree on college for your biokid vs stepkids
visitation: when did visitation stop? how you handle with unpredictability?
Financial restraint: how help DH feel less guilty about not handing over any additional money on top of child support and health insurance
THX for your input!!!