This should not be dropped - he should not at 12 being hitting his half brother who is 3 on the head. My SS16 this past summer hurt my dd4 and made her cry - he tried to make it seem like he did nothing but I knew he did. I yes I went up to him and said if you ever touch your sister again and make her cry you will not be getting up from the floor when I am done with you. He knew I meant it and the look in my eyes may have been crazy but no one and I mean no one will ever touch my DD and get away with it. We are mama bears and we need to protect our young. You need to confront him and tell him if it happens again the police will be contacted and he will be charged with battery - the whole gun thing and calling dad ugly is also disturbing he needs help.

I would also be very upset that he felt the need to videotape it and I am sure watched it and showed it his friends but at least you have proof and he can't lie his way out of this one.

I am not sure of the relationship with BM or if she is psycho and living in a dream world about her son but she needs to know as well because if it happens again I would not let him in your house anymore until he gets help.

First thing is no more phone. Abuse it lose it. Take the video to a psychologist and get some direction on how you need to handle this. Don't let anyone tell you this is "normal kid stuff."

This is the perfect example of the need to blister some bare ass. The kid hits little bro, the kid gets his ass blistered.

It was very clear growing up in our home as kids that if my bro and I ever fought we would both have to go to the back yard when dad got home and fight him. Not something you want to do with a former Vietnam era Marine I can assure you.

Since I was the elder by 6yrs, after fighting dad, I would have gotten my ass blistered.

My brother and I never fought..... ever. We valued each other too much and knew the consequences if either of us ever allowed our emotions to tip over in to physical confrontation.

This kid needs a trip to the wood shed to be bent over a saw horse and get a half dozen or so full force whacks on the bare ass with dad's belt and informed in no uncertain words that a repeat will see him in foster care.

A 12yo hitting a 3yo??? :jawdrop: That would happen in my home only once and that 12yo violent POS would rue the day he hit his 3yo bro for the rest of his childhood. After I got done with him he would wrap his little bro in pillows and duct tape and make sure that that his younger bro never so much as got a scrape or bruise on him, or a splinter in his little 3yo finger. The 3yo would have a boo boo free life because his older bro wold not allow anything untoward to happen to his little bro. The 12yo would get the message loud and clear.

Grrrrrr!!!!!

Since the 12yo does not live in your home .... If I was your DH I would sit the 12yo little shit down, review the video and let him know in no uncertain terms that I loved him but that NO ONE WILL ABUSE MY CHILDREN ..... NOT EVEN ANOTHER OF MY CHILDREN. Keep the phone, preserve the video.

Hell, screw that ... call CPS and turn the video over to them and let them deal with the little shit.

In my sensitive, accountability focused, corporal punishment supporting, parental opinion of course.

Best regards,

I think if it was me I would tackle it in two ways.
1. Take the video and the hitting as a sign that SS has some worrying feelings about his half brother, probably connected with jealousy, and try to address this. I know it's dreadful to see your own children being mistreated in any way by their step siblings, but I think the only way to bring about a more positive relationship between ss12 and ds3 is to tackle the root cause. Discipline and punishment alone will just feed SS's resentment and mean that ds3 never gets the benefit of a loving friendly older brother. SS may stop hitting but it's possible to be mean in all sorts of other ways and it will create an ongoing stress for your family if you have to be constantly monitoring his behaviour towards your children, or resenting his lack of affection and time for them. So I think DH, or you and DH should sit down with him, tell him you are very concerned about some things you found on his phone and watch the videos you found with him. Watching them with you will be very uncomfortable for him and highlight how bad it was for him to do that. Then before discussing the hitting and punishment, ask him to talk about how he feels about his brother, and try to draw out an admission of jealousy/hostility. I would try to come at it sideways rather than just ask him outright why he did it, because it's fairly certain this will make him stare at the floor and say 'I don't know'. It's possible that this is a boy reaching adolescence, who needs the time and attention of his Dad, and is jealous that his half brother gets to live with his Dad all the time. If so you need a strategy to tackle the jealousy and improve SS's bond with father and brother. SS may complain about how he is treated but in reality teens want and need boundaries, they show you care. I wouldn't be so sure that he has shown it to his friends, his feelings about his brother may be too conflicted and difficult for him to want to make a joke of it with others.

2. After you've tried to find out what lies behind the video's you should calmly make it clear that you have a zero tolerance policy for violence and are very upset about the way he has treated his brother. If he doesn't want to be hit, he shouldn't hit others, so this time the consequence will be x, and if it ever happens again the consequence will be Y. Personally I am not a fan of meeting violence with violence, it's quite hard to explain to a child that it's wrong to hit, and illustrate that point by hitting. We withdraw the privileges which hurt - phones, internet access, games consoles, time with friends, and extend the length of the grounding if there is a repeat.

Anyway those are my thoughts, an interesting counterpoint to your other comments!