Update. Been gone awhile
Well to say the least it's been an interesting life since I posted last almost 2 years ago. Shortly after my last post my bio son and step son(16 at the time) got into a huge argument about SS poop on the toilet seat. I got in the middle of it got my lip split open by SS and so I pushed him away. Cops come, I go to jail for the night(all charges dropped) Ss at the time was 5' 10" and pushing 350lbs. So my daughter had already moved back to her moms due to step sons so my bio son 8 stayed with his grand parents and my 16 year old went to Costa Rica then stayed with a friend for a month. I stayed in my father's living room working 18 hour days and got us a 2 bedroom apartment.
Fast forward to now my oldest just left for collage and between grants, scholarships and his savings already has his first two years paid for. My daughter is due to graduate next year and has a 4.0 GPA at a private school. My 8 year old (my wife has raised him but is his step mom, for clarification) lives with me and is doing amazing. Well step son 18 has dropped out, gained atleast another 50 lbs and now works at a gas station for minimum wage, orders take out EVERYDAY and contributes nothing to wifes house and has no future plans and SS 17 is failing every class and hasn't saved for a car or his license does the same stuff. I live in a different school district so my bioon 8 goes there every morning to catch the bus and to get off the bus at wifes home. I will not allow my 8 year old to stay the night there due to the room he shares with 17 ss being full of food boxs,food,wrappers, dirty stinky clothes and down right disgusting. Not to mention I refuse to let him pick up on those habits. Hes 8 and already knows how to do his own laundry, the dishes and even helps vacuum lol.
On one hand it's a huge relief being able to come home to my own clean home knowing I can leave the stress of step sons behind but having to listen to my wife bitch about them but do nothing about it has its own stresses. I will not be moving back in until they move out or even at all. I think I'm hitting a point where I know its done but just don't want to face it. I love her so much bit I cannot and will not live with her kids again. For the first time in my life have a months worth of bills saved, trying to raise my credit score and am doing good. Its heart breaking having to tell my 8 year old he can't stay at moms because his step brothers room is disgusting but I'm not going to lie to him. It's so bad that she bought this leather motorized recliner couch and it reeks of body odor due to step sons not showering and sleeping on it. I guess I took disengaging to a whole new level. Im just at a fork in the road that I have to decide if this is still worth it. I cringe every time I go to her place. Im sick of hearing about her bills being behind, or how lazy her kids are. We even tried counseling before covid and every session (a counselor she seen before with her ex) turned into how im the problem and how my parenting is the issue. LMFAO well I guess my kids doing great in school, having good manners and hygiene and being responsible and respectful is bad parenting then im the worst dad in the world.
Its going to be even harder if my nephew comes to live with me full time. His mom died and dads in prison and my parents can't handle him. He does good with me because I don't put up with shot. With me he has very clear expectations, boundaries and knows what I expect from him. Thank you for reading. Ill be on here more now. This place has been blessing knowing I'm not alone.
You do realize that these
You do realize that these boys are not going to launch, right? She will likely be caring for them well into their 30s or 40s, if not for the rest of her life - at least one of them.
I would have a hard time sustaining love and respect for someone who ruined her children's lives in such a way.
Starting to
I'm slowly starting to realize that. Love is a hell of a drug. I struggle with the fact she help me raise my 8 year old who's bio mom is not in the picture. Hes so attached to her and she treats him very good. The irony is she has the same standards as I do for him but not her kids.
This is the trap that a lot
This is the trap that a lot of divorced single parents fall into - they feel guilty/afraid/emotionally needy so they indulge their kids and refuse to set any limits on the poor darlings. Next thing they know, they have 400 pound overgrown toddlers in the house and they have lost all control of them. It's selfish parenting, meant to make her feel better, rather than providing them with what they need to be functional adults.
My guess is that if you divorce her, and allow your son to keep seeing her, she will treat him just as she treats her older boys. She parents as you do now because you are a couple. That will change.
My DH balanced out BM's permissiveness when they were together, but since he left 11 years ago, she's overindulged and ruined my SS, who is about to turn 21 and has never held a job, has no driver's license, and has done absolutely nothing except play video games for the last 1.5 years. BM wanted to be his pal, now she's got a man-baby on her hands.
Overindulge
Sounds just.like my wife. Says nothing of them ordering uber eats every day and running her electric bill alone upwards of 200 a month but has no money to get there cars or licenses. Ill be honest, I look forward to coming back to my apartment from there. You can smell there bedrooms the minute you walk in the front door YUK.
I would have a hard time
I agree with these statements. This is a big part of the reason I left my now ex. Bringing it to his attention did nothing to solve the problem. He even got the nerves to get defensive. So I told him since he believes it is okay raising his kids to be lazy, worthless adults then he needed to find a woman with the same belief system as his and they live happily ever after while taking care of their lazy worthless adult kids together. Of course he didn't do that and is still trying to be in my life, more than a year after I broke up with him. Smh
Totaly agree
Thats just it. I've been accused of "treating our kids differently " when we all lived together. I only had the same expectations for them in the sense that they clean up after themselves, and bathe. Do there school work and not disrespect my wife. Well my 3 knew from the get go not to be disrespectful little shits but her two on the other hand. I had already been with her and her kids for 3 years when my older two moved in. It took abput a month.for me to work into my expectations and such(there bio mom and I are the same when it comes to parenting) due to not wanting to bring down the hammer of thor right away. Not saying I let them do bad and in school or be totally disrespectful but I eased my way back into being the "bad guy" if they got put of line which was still better than how my step sons act. Just Thursday I gave my ss17 a ride to work and he was bragging about his new esr buds. I asked how much were they? $60 he said. I abpit spit my coffee out. Hes been working for a year now and didn't even have $1000 saved for a car. I let him have it. Told him its total bullshit that not only can he not shower or clean his room hes supposed to share with my bio son 8 but that its bullshit he and his brother expect mommy to pick them up at 8 pm and midnight every night. There bedrooms stink so bad ypu can smell them the minute you walk in the house. I've tried in so many ways to tell her what there doing and basically get told that I still treat the different. OMG bitch no, my son just dropped 1200 on a transmission for his truck Friday all while working full time and going to collage full time. I leave work every day by 3.to make sure I can pick up my bio son from the bus there and give her kids rides to work. Im at such a loss. I love her deeply but I'm at a fork in the road about being with her. I keep saying ill go back when they move out but OMFG the amount of repairs(holes in walls, destroyed bathroom, carpenter in the bedrooms other stuff) i don't really feel like i should have to pay for the repairs. Not trying to be perverted but hell lucky if we get intimate once every two weeks. Mostly due to her kids having no fkin boundaries and no knocking on her door. Sorty for ranting. Feels nice to finaly get it out.
If you are going to maintain
If you are going to maintain contact with this woman I would make that contact at either your apartment or in public and not in her home.
Going forward you need to engage with her away from any part of her life that includes her feral failed family breeding experiments.
feral failed family breeding
feral failed family breeding experiments.
LMAO i literally laughed out loud. I do try to minimize my time there. The nice part about covid is my bio 8 son has not been there in almost 3 weeks. Im dreading this morning because I offered to make her breakfast and I know I'm going to walk into a dirty kitchen with expensive pans that have been destroyed by stepsons due to when the rare times they do cook they don't listen and have destroyed all the pots and pans.