Two Frustrating Incidents
My husband of 4 years has two sons (ages 20 and 21):
Incident #1:
1. My husband's boys live with their bio mom. They frequently get their water shut off because for non-payment. Note, my husband paid her over a $1,000 a month for years in child support and this has now ended due to the boy's ages. Mind you, his ex is a RN (she just does not know how to manager her money). She lets her bf live with her, and the two above-mentioned boys and the 21 year old's gf is there most days/nights. I have told my husband that he needs to tell his sons to man up and help their mom out with some bills since they are living there and mooching but the boys and him don't feel like they owe anyone anything. Anyway, whenever their water gets shut off, they shower at our house, sometimes twice a day as both boys have gym memberships and they will come over, shower, and then go to the gym and then after working out they shower AGAIN at our house...I've told my husband that's ridiculous but that's a whole other argument. Anyway, I told my husband that I don't think that our marital master bedroom should be used for them to shower in. We have a very nice guest bathroom in the hallway. Sometimes I've come home from work and walk in the bedroom and they are in the shower. Anyway, the other night at 10:30 PM the 20 year old calls and says he's hungry and comes over at that hour to eat. Hangs out with my husband in the family room watching TV. I'm in bed in the master bedroom watching TV and half sleeping. At MIDNIGHT the 20 year old comes into the master bedroom with me laying in bed and says he needs to look for mouthwash in the master bathroom. Does not knock, just walks right in. Is this normal and being "what a family" is all about as my husband thinks?
Incident #2:
2. I work full time and whenever I need an oil change I do it after working all day at 6:00 PM or on Saturday mornings. My husband has never helped me out with this. One time I had a screw in my tire and they were going to do the tire repair and oil change at the same time so I asked my husband to come get me so I didn't have to wait that long. He had a friend that had just called him saying he was on the way over to our house so he had HIS FRIEND stop and pick me up at the car place and then had HIS FRIEND return me when the car was ready. My husband's 21 year old needs an oil change. He came over to the house last night, fixed himself whatever he wanted to eat and hung out. As he was leaving my husband said Oh, you take MY TRUCK home with you tonight and leave YOUR TRUCK and I WILL TAKE IT UP TOMORROW FOR YOU AND GET YOUR OIL CHANGED (which means that he will also pay for it). I overhear all of this and my feelings were deeply hurt. He has never done this for me.
Am I being too sensitive and whiny about the above? Is he just being a "good dad"?
You beat me to it! I'm asking
You beat me to it! I'm asking the same thing!
Why can't the boys shower at
Why can't the boys shower at the gym?
I've asked my husband that
I've asked my husband that very same question......the gym's facilities are beautiful, granite counters, huge, clean....and his response to me is that "THIS house is the BOY'S house and they can feel free to come over and shower whenever they like". My issue with the showering is the fact that they are using our marital master bedroom's shower which is what I find inappropriate.
^^THIS! I can't believe how
^^THIS! I can't believe how unreasonable your husband is being about this. They are ADULTS. That is bullshit.
I'd be putting my foot down now or it's going to just continue!
I would reply, no, DH, this
I would reply, no, DH, this house is yours and mine.. Your DH's agreement is not required.
SS's don't live here and don't pay rent and even if they did they have no right to germ up your master bath.
Again, I'd get a lock on the door and keep it locked.
That's just dumb on so many
That's just dumb on so many levels.
What they are doing is not only disrespectful but a waste of money. Part of the gym membership fees covers the cost of their utilities. When I went to the gym, I would ALWAYS shower there.
If I were you, I'd close the hot water shut-off valve.
What's that suppose to mean?
What's that suppose to mean?
Oh....hell no! I would first
Oh....hell no! I would first pitch a royal fit to DH, saying they are not ever to come into the master suite ever again. I'd maybe tell those overgrown babies how creepy it is to have adult men coming into your bedroom/shower ever, much less when they're not even invited.
Your DH really needs to put the fear of God into these men and forbid them himself, but it sounds like he probably won't do so you will have to.
I'd even consider putting it in writing and if they keep creeping into your bedroom or shower I might even threaten them with calling the cops.
These are adults and they are completely violating boundaries and the sanctity if your bedroom.
Oh and get a pass code lock on bedroom door and forbid DH from giving it out. and definitely lock your door when you are in the bedroom.
Put signs up everywhere saying SS and SS Keep out!
All of it's unacceptable. No,
All of it's unacceptable.
No, you're not being too whiny and sensitive. Not only is your DH not being a "good dad" (he's not teaching his sons anything about responsibility), he doesn't sound like all that great of a husband, either.
ASS...big one.
ASS...big one.
You need to kick them back to
You need to kick them back to the gym....That is crazy. As for your husband, have you ever stood up to him...It doesn't sound like it.
Take back some of your power!!!
My FDH and I had issues about
My FDH and I had issues about his kids coming in our room when we first moved in together. He thought it was perfectly acceptable for them to knock then come on in (no waiting for us to answer) to help themselves to stuff under our counter, use our toilet if the other one was occupied for ten seconds, etc... He had the same "one big happy family" excuse. I put my foot down and fought hard on that battle. It is my room too and I do not want his kids in it, PERIOD. (a true bio emergency is the only exception). There is no way in hell I would tolerate that from grown ass men. Stand up for yourself. You deserve some sacred space.
And if he doesn't listen, start leaving very embarrasing items out in the open in your bathroom. That actually works as a great deterrant.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW
:jawdrop: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHOWER AT THE GYM IDIOTS.
Get a lock on your bedroom
Get a lock on your bedroom door. When you are in your bedroom LOCK the door !!! They are not allowed in to use your master suite ever. Tell the grown boys directly that they are not allowed to use the master suite anymore - not via DH. DH is an idiot for allowing this. Even say, I let it go on a few times, but I don't feel comfortable with that arrangement anymore! You have rights too.
As far as the car maintenance, eh, he just wants to baby his boys some more. Not much you can do about that although I understand why it is upsetting and hurtful. Sometimes this over-parenting is just nauseating. :sick:
1: I don't know how you put
1: I don't know how you put up with that. Marital bedroom should be off-limits, even if they lived there! Your DH is an idiot!
2: Sounds just like my DH and SD21. Ugh. It does hurt when DH does more for an adult kid who doesn't live with us than their own wives. *sigh* Pisses me off every time something like that happens. At least we're independent enough to not need our DH's. Doesn't help much, but it's true...
1) Buy something super sexy,
1) Buy something super sexy, show it to your hubby.... and then let him know as long as HIS kids are welcome in YOUR bedroom/bathroom, you will not be wearing it! Visual aids help slow-witted men.
2) I admit I totally suck at car maintenance. I constantly forget to get my oil changed. DH offered to take care of that for me. I happily agreed! However, he always "forgets". Now, if I need an oil change or my car starts to make a funny sound, I'll say, "One day this week, I need you to drive my car and change oil/check sound. What day works for you?" On that day, I simply put my car keys by his wallet and his keys in my purse.
Your husband's priorities are
Your husband's priorities are out of whack. You don't come first to him, his boys do. There is nothing you can do about someone this selfish. Do you love him? You can do better. Let him live with his spawn while you walk on with a real man.