Turning cold hearted??? language warning
If it's not one thing it's another and it's been a fucking rough 2 weeks. I feel defeated, depressed, angry,sad and ready to give up and throw in the towel. I just feel like leaving. Why am I putting myself through this?
I didn't go home from work yesterday, I couldn't. I'm sick of coming home to SD20 and her two crying kids and her screaming at them while she sits on her ass hogging the living room tv. I met my gf for dinner, and got home late. FDH and I still aren't really talking. I was feeling much better when I came home...........
UNTIL FDH starts telling me that SD20 is having a nervous breakdown. His ex called him and said she couldn't even understand what she was saying bc she was crying so hard. Life is so hard and she's all by herself and never has a babysitter (bullshit) and she's broke and tired of doing it alone. So FDH rushes home to comfort her and she broke down again and he was just holding her and offering to take the kids more and was telling her it's gonna be tough and don't give up and he is really worried about her bc when he hugged her he realized how skinny she is and he's worried she's not eating enough. :sick:
I'm fucking over it, ALL OF IT
I don't feel bad not 1 fucking bit. Ya know why???? SHE makes bad decisions, she chose to stay with a heroin addict after he stole from everyone in the family and continued to do drugs, she chose to get pregnant AGAIN so that makes TWO kids by the time she was 19. SHE chooses to live on welfare cash assistance and not work her part time job more then 4 hours a week- thats why she's fucking broke. She lives with us, gets dinner made every night. She dumps her kids off an hour away atleast 3 times a week and parties almost every weekend........and she's all alone?????? Poor single mom who gets no help??? :jawdrop: Bull fucking shit
Poor SD20, she has it so rough she's a single mom, shes broke blah blah blah. I don't fucking care. And I don't feel bad for her.
These are all consequences for HER ACTIONS that WE ALL have to deal with bc she lives with us. She gets more help then anyone I know that is a young parent. I was one, I didn't get an 1/8 of the help she gets and I never felt sorry for myself, it made me stronger and yes it was hard, really hard but you get through it. I do NOT have the patience to sit and listen to FDH feel sorry for her.
Needless to say FDH and I are still not talking, slept on opposite sides of the bed and made sure we didn't touch, and he just said see ya later this morning (I usually get hugs and kisses etc)
I feel like having a nervous breakdown!! I don't know if we are at a rough patch or if this is a sign to just leave now. I still love him. He's my best friends but his kids are breaking us. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like packing up and taking BD8 and going somewhere far away...................
Thanks for listening to me vent. I really do appreciate all of your support. If it wasn't for this site I would have exploded by now
I do, I feel like flipping my
I do, I feel like flipping my shit in front of everyone and acing like a complete psycho. I have so much built up. FDH made it clear he's not kicking her out before May so I either need to move out or deal with it. And I feel exactly like you said. If I move out it's going to be tough financially (but I could scrape by) and I'm most afraid it would be the beginning of the end. I'm not ready to leave him, I don't really want to. We only fight about his kids other than that we have a good time together, have fun and truly enjoy eachothers company. It makes me really sad to think of not being with him but elated that I wouldn't have to deal with his kids..... :?
Wow girl, I can't imagine how
Wow girl, I can't imagine how you're still there, to be honest. I mean, she's 20! She's an adult and acting like a 12 yr old.
I feel for you. Realllllllly realllllly feel for you. I wish I could just take you away!
I don't have anything constructive or wise words of wisdom for you unfortunately. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better.
How long have you and FDH been together? It MAY very well be time to throw in the towel. Sounds to me like you've hit the edge.
We have known eachother for 5
We have known eachother for 5 years but weren't official until about 2 years ago. Living together for 1 year. Not that long and it feels like we have been together for 10+
It hurts to think of not being with him. I understand it's his kids but the lack of personal accountability and responsibility in his family with his children drives me nuts. There is none.
And this may be immature of me but what, I'm out to dinner and him and his ex are having a heart to heart about their crappy kid. MAkes me realize more and more I'm not a part of his original family and never ever will be. Not that I want to be, I want my own family but he will always have his first family that i will never be a part of. MAkes me feel even shittier
Any way you have the option
Any way you have the option of staying with friends/family for a little while to get your head straight and show him what it's like for you not to be with him? That alone may be what you both need to reassess the situation and make changes and/or just call it quits.
My parents live out of state,
My parents live out of state, my sister has a new baby and no room -I wouldn't want to intrude. And I really wouldn't want to stay with any friends.
Maybe I could get a hotel for the weekend just for the break? I really don't know what to do :?
I wish I lived close - you
I wish I lived close - you could come stay with me and if my SD14 ever comes back we can ignore her together!
Thank you I wish you did
Thank you
I wish you did too, we would have a lot in common and a lot to talk about!!
Definitely!
Definitely!
Wow, so sorry for you and
Wow, so sorry for you and this nasty situation. What is WRONG with your FDH ??? I'm guessing you moved in and sd20 and sprogs were already there with FDH ??? If she is getting Welfare help, why can't they get her accommodation ( although I hate the system ) and get her out and away from you and FDH ??? What is your FDH waiting for, concerning her and next May ???
I know you don't want to leave, but you need to establish some boundaries and that will be VERY hard if FDH is NOT on board. She sounds like a kid having kids, two before she was what twenty ?? OMG !!! :jawdrop:
Your FDH seems to be still supporting her, so where is the BM in this big ol' mess ?? Can she go and spend time there, or maybe go visit for a month or two ??
Whether, my ADULT skid had kids or no kids, I would not be living with them, and I never will be in the future, thank goodness. Disengage at home, maybe some withdrawing will make FDH see the ugly picture a bit clearer and do SOMETHING !!!
I can understand you wanting to get away for a weekend, but will it be construed by FDH as a threat against him or worse still the sd20 sees it as a " Victory ". Does sd20 want you out, and split up from her Father ???
He said she could live with
He said she could live with him as long as shes in school. It took her a year to get in school. Originally he said she could stay until she finished school and could afford her own place. We had a heart to heart this summer and I told him unless I get a timeline and a date for her and her kids to move out I would be leaving. It took him a week to have the discussion and he felt that he should atleast let her stay until spring semester is over so she doesn't drop out. So May it is.............7 more long dreadful months.
There is a waiting list but she's so comfortable living at daddies house she hasn't applied for anything :jawdrop:
SD20 was pregnant and didn't tell FDH when she moved in May of 2011, I moved in June 2011 completely blind. SD20 and I got along really well, she was gone half the week at her boyfriends and worked evenings the rest of the time. She wasn't around much and when she was it wasn't bad.
Fast forward a few months, her baby cries all the time and her drug addict boyfriend and her broke up. She went down to 1 evening at her job and her and her kids are home ALL the time, and she's a shitty parent. WE get no space, no privacy no quiet house. If him and I fight she can hear or listens and tells her mom our business.
She doesn't want to live with her mom and her mom doesn't want her and her kids....I asked FDH if she could move there and he said he's not asking her to leave before may, bc that was their agreement. When confronted on telling our business she denies it. I have withdrawn from FDH and he see's it. It's just creating more tension at home.
Sd20 and I get along, shes very non confrontational and I have a very strong personality so she is very passive agressive, never disrespectful to me. We have never gotten in an argument. I think she is ok with her dad and I being together but I also don't trust her. She's phony. I'm sure she smiles in my face and talks shit behind my back
I think I'd be having a
I think I'd be having a nervous breakdown if I were you as well. Your sd should be soooo appreciative of the fact that she has a place to stay, food on the table, and apparently parents that care about her. What a tough life to work 4 hours a week and have free housing and someone cook and clean for you. Damn, where do I sign up?
I did have myself a mini-breakdown earlier this year when my ss14 lived with us and things were at their worse. I went through the kitchen and threw away all of our dishes, emptied out all of the cabinets and threw away all of our food-just lost it for a moment. Tired of my ss NEVER picking up after himself, eating all the food in the house, and acting like it was cool to treat me like shit all the while expecting me to serve him. Eff that! My dh had disengaged, yes you heard that right-he could no longer take it so he disengaged and practically moved himself out to our shed-so I was left to deal with the kid on my own.
I will say it made a statement. SS14 was gone in less than a week and I got some pretty new dishes out of the deal
Thanks for explaining it a
Thanks for explaining it a bit more, what a grim situation !! I hope your FDH doesn't suffer from what mine does ( and a Helluva lot of these guilty DDs !!) That is he keeps moving the goalposts, e.g changing the agreed rules or deadlines, to benefit the skids. I spent a long time wondering why there was our rules in OUR house and then the skid rules !!! Needless to say this was a few years back now, I just wish I had disengaged a long time ago !!
You have to decide whether you can ride the pain out until May and then rebuild your relationship with your FDH, or plan your GOOD ( Get Out Of Dodge !!) escape for when FDH lets her stay there past May ( could happen !!!) , lots of us on here have a rainy day fund which is really a code for escape fund funding !!!
When my DH was all for letting Adult Skid sit on her arse all Summer, not working, boasting to her sapbf of the time how easy it was for her to do this, blah, blah, before she returned to her original country for further education , I got SUPER involved SUPER fast, had her packed up and on her wayyyyy !!! No way, was I enduring another four months of her guilting DH while laughing behind his back .......
How about you and FDH deciding for a lovely fresh start in a new apartment, just big enough for you guys, so sd20 gets the message and is FORCED to get BUSY and LIVING in the big ADULT WORLD fast !!!!
I gave him the ultimatum that
I gave him the ultimatum that May is already a long time and when he discussed her move out date she was told she has 9 months to figure out a plan and it's more then enough time. I have some $ saved and I am ready to walk in May if he doesn't hold up his end of the deal. He is well aware of this, If she's not gone in May I will be and I am prepared. I don't just talk the talk, I'm planning to walk the walk. I explained that he needs to prove to me HE has followthrough.
i have issues with her
i have issues with her calling herself a "single" mom a single mom does not live with two other adults who take care of all the bill, ect and get all that help and support she is getting just by living in your home. for this adult to complain about being a "single" mom has no idea what it is really like and her father needs to stop coddling her i really feel sorry for you and your situation. i would have more pity and actually want to help out the "single" mom who is out on her own busting her butt to make a life for self and children.
Exactly. She has everything
Exactly. She has everything paid for. Free daycare, daddy gave her a car, pays her car insurance. She just got her own phone plan in May daddy was paying for her phone since she was 16. Free rent, free food, free heat, free electricity, free water, free education, free cash each month from the state. She doesn't work for anything she has in life and she thinks she has it so rough.
Makes. Me. Sick :sick:
Please tell me she is not
Please tell me she is not planning to have any more kids ??? :jawdrop: She really sounds like the " wife " in this situation, having the children being supported by your FDH without the then having to get a job, etc..... YUK !!!!
After, reading more about this situation I am beginning to really doubt your FDH will EVER get rid of her !!!! That is one cushy,golden entitled ride she is on, and if NO ONE is doing anything about it, I don't think she ever will !!!!
FDH is straight up rude when
FDH is straight up rude when he tells her if she gets pregnant again what he would do. It's actually funny }:)
She has an implant in her arm that provides BC for 3 years.
She has a part time job, she used to work all the time. Now she uses the excuse she doesn't have a babysitter. FDH and I WILL NOT babysit bc they live with us and we have to put up with them enough and do enough for them and welcome the "break". WE used to when she wasn't around as much.
If he doesn't get rid of her he will be one lonely heartbroken man once May comes. I really hope I'm not wasting my time and effort here...... :?
yea, there is a 2 year
yea, there is a 2 year waiting list she hasn't signed up for yet
I suggested that she should
I suggested that she should get some counseling and go to the dr since she does have free health insurance. Apparently she would rather play the victim and enjoy the pity parties she has. She would rather cry to everyone then do anything about it and won't go to the DR or make counseling appts.
You can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink!
Sympathy is very hard to dole
Sympathy is very hard to dole out when someone has put themselves in the situation which is causing them misery. I occasionally feel sympathy for BM (referenced in a different post) but it is rare. I hope you are starting to have the "your adult daughter will never live with us" conversation with your DH. She is an adult who has to learn from her mistakes. Out of the goodness of your heart, I hope that if you ever think that your grandskid is not being provided for, that you call the authorities. Sounds like that kid has no chance of turning out normal. Hopefully it will be removed and placed in a good foster home.