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Trouble on my mind

farewelllove's picture

Submitted by farewelllove on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 4:35pm

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I am new to Steptalk so please forgive me if this has been discussed. But I am a newly married stepmother to an 11 SS that I love very much. However, the BM is known to have been quite promiscious and lies constantly. Long story short, she's even lied about not recieving child support during a time when DH was in an accident and almost died. She was paid during that time but Texas said that b/c it didn't go through them it was a gift and they had us pay her almost $6,000. Now she is constantly making up lies about things that happen to SS so that she can call and get DH upset. All this is taking a toll on my new marriage and its been extremely difficult. To top it off, I truly do not believe that SS is for my DH. I've talked to him about it after I saw that Texas was allowing non custodial parents to challenge paternity if there was doubt. But he refuses to do a DNA test and says it would devestate him if he found out SS wasn't his. But I have to be honest, I can't stand this. As much as I love DH and SS, I can't spend the rest of my life doing this for a child that everyone around me is telling me doesn't even look like DH. I don't like to give ultimatiums but I don't know what else to do. And yes, I do believe if the test did come back and say that SS was in fact DH I could handle this all a lot better. But the doubt coupled with stress is too much for me. I've had continued migraines and health problems related to the anxiety of dealing with her daily lies. Any advice? (sorry this was so long)

hippiegirl's picture

Submitted by hippiegirl on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 5:50pm

But tell him if SS isn't his, he is absolved of all bullsh!t having to do with SS and BM. What guy wants to keep paying support for a kid his ex had with someone else? That's insane. I'm sure your household could use the extra $. I empathize. It's bad enough when our DH's have to pay support for a kid that IS theirs.

farewelllove's picture

Submitted by farewelllove on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 5:59pm

Thanks hippiegirl. He says he's more concerned with maintaining a relationship with his son than he "getting over" on him. He feels like the monthly child support and even the extra that had to be paid out only affects him. But it doesn't just affect just him. The extra amount we had to pay came from money I'd saved for our downpayment for a new house. Now I have to delay that until I can replace that money.

I do worry myself that part of the issue is that I can't have children so if SS really isn't then he's lost his chance to have anymore of his own biochildren. But with all of the drama and constant demands for money from BM I can't even contemplate adopting a child of my own, which was my plan before marrying. I am so confused and frustrated with all of this.

duct_tape's picture

Submitted by duct_tape on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 6:46pm

That boy is his son. Regardless of a stupid dna test. And he needs to know that at the very least. Also, if he agrees to a test and it is exposed that this boy isn't his, that pathetic bm will probably agree to give that kid up. No child support? She will probably want to have his "dad" take full responsibiltiy. You get your boy and your marriage. If you pose that scenario to your husband, he just might take the bait.

farewelllove's picture

Submitted by farewelllove on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 8:20pm

Thanks duct_tape. I agree SS is his son no matter what. I would never take that away from him. I didn't think about if the dna shows he isn't his of asking BM for full custody. You're right without "what's due her" as she calls it, she could care less about that poor child.