I would leave. Sorry but your relationship is over. He would rather have peace and family time with his ex. Unfortunately you probably won't be able to resolve this and it sounds like he's okay with all of this. I would move in with relatives with your children and file.

Reading through this, I can't imagine the emotional turmoil you're going through.

If you decide that this relationship is worth saving, then the first thing that needs to stop is him gaslighting you. (Definition: manipulate by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.) New rule; there is no such thing as over- or under-reacting, there is only honest reaction.

However, you need to keep in mind that this situation is new. From what you've said, it sounds like he has never had the opportunity to be a real dad to these two kids. He's probably dealing with a lot of anxiety about living up to expectations as well as some excitement about the new experiences.

Maybe you could try setting aside specific times when the two of you can be alone - maybe after the baby is asleep? No distractions. No phone, no email, no nothing. Just bonding time when the two of you can catch up.

You should also have some time for yourself. Let him watch the baby while you go sit and read at a bookstore or go grocery shopping. If he is making time for his other kids, there is absolutely no reason that he can't do that for yours.

You left him in your father's house and paid to stay in a hotel. Why didn't you or your dad kick him out.

He was ordered to pay 100% of his income in CS.

Sorry but those two things are making me think Crew.

I am so sorry you are going through this.
I hate to say it, if you have packed and left and he hasnt tried to contact you at all then you have your answer. Any man that honestly loves you and wants to work at your relationship would fight for you. Sure we can all have our moments of emotional turmoil and may feel that the other needs some space but when it comes to one physically leaving, thats the point you have to really step up if you want to stop that person walking out of your life.

Financial issues can be so damaging, they can cause soo much damage, not only to your general living conditions but also to a persons pride and sense of independence but it is so fundamental for you to bond together and work as a team. If you can work as a team you have a shot at getting through, it reads to me as though you started off that way but now something, for whatever reason has flipped in him and hes not facing things with you at his side as his partner.
Aside from the financial issues, the general issues in regards to his son posing as a potential safety risk to your baby, that is another thing that he just HAS to face together with you. That alone is enough of a reason to be seriously questioning what is going on.

Find yourself somewhere to go, friends, family, somewhere. You will always do better as a single parent than in a relationship with a man who doesnt respect you or treat you as a partner. You deserve that and your children deserve to see that too.

My heart hurts for you...how horrible. Something happened between him and BM...I don't know what, but it did. The fact that he doesn't respect you enough to do anything but laugh at you makes me sick. He is obviously a dick and you can do better.

I read your post to my partner and we both just want to hug you!

Sometimes people do change, often people change under pressure. You have both been under financial pressure and emotional pressure alongside all the "normal" life stuff, add in a new baby and a pregnancy and damn, theres so much going on that who knows how or why.
But honestly? At this point it doesnt matter how or why, what matters is that you deserve more and your children deserve more, you deserve a partnership in which you are exactly that, an equal partner. So often here you can read about people being frustrated and relationships falling apart because of a lack of respect and a lack of common understanding of the others expectations and desires. End of the day YOU matter, thats without your children. The fact that you have children together should make it more fundamental for you both to be a proper team.
But you know what? If it is that hes clutching some twisted idea about if he gets back involved with the BM then problems are solved then the mans a bloody idiot. Im a big believer that once you have left someone you leave them for good, no second chances when it comes to a relationship break down, if it breaks down to that extent once it will again. So if he is prepared to even think that way after the crap shes pulled then you just need to thank your lucky stars that your relationship with him can end right here right now.
And be thankful that you are engaged not married!

Naturally you are going to feel more keenly as you are pregnant, but its ok to feel hurt, just so long as you take the lesson from this and you use it to pull yourself together and be the best mother you can be to your children.

Ouch. You poor thing. That has got to hurt. {{{{Hugs}}}}
Take care of yourself & the baby. Find someplace you can go & cry it out. Best of luck to you.

Honestly, he is being a jerk.

Leave take your kids & get CS from him.

You'll be better off financially without him, literally. & emotionally.

Everyone deserves love & respect in their relationship, he isn't giving that to you & he is mocking & laughing at you on top of that.

I'm not for ending marriages over silly things, but it seems almost like an emotional affair not with BM as a woman, but with BM & their kids as his 'intact family' instead of you and your children. At the very least, leave & get you some CS. File the divorce. Give him a few months - maybe even years - to get his life back together & his head back. He'll be begging to make things right. & if not? His loss.

Leave - this will never get better...You need to start planning and organizing now. This guy sounds terrible and you deserve better. See an attorney, they are free usually for the consultation and then get a plan in place.

Just wanted to chip in that you've been dealt a horrible blow out of the blue and did what you had to do. I'm suspicious that BM told him she misses him, wants him back - whatever. She's on the rebound from a boyfriend BUT he may come back into the picture and out goes your husband once again.

Your husband probably never wanted a divorce but never expected a second chance so got involved with you and had children with you. Never expecting to leave you but suddenly his whole life changed and he kicked you in the face in his hurry to get back.

I don't know what to say if he comes back but I do know he won't unless his first wife rejects him again. If he does you may want to re-establish the relationship. I know it would be hard enough considering what has happened but only you can weigh the financial and emotional impact on you and your kids. The emotional turmoil is already likely to effect your unborn so that need to be weighed in also.

But he's not likely to come back so you have no choice but to avail yourself of all the welfare that may be available. Housing, food, cash, I don't know never been there. Some places have legal assistance for welfare recipients in filing - I know court fees can often be waived.

Best of luck and just power through each day as it comes and yes see if you can stay with friends or relatives while you get your new life going.

Since he was so excited on winning his case to get the son visitation, im not too sure he would ever think of givisng up parental rights unfortunately.

Please leave that dysfunction! He's not capable of protecting you!!
And never will! There's a power play going on between him and his ex, which tells me there's emotions still involved?
He's obviously not over the ex, she has some kind of power over him still?
Remember, your too good for this? Your compassion shows in your blog!
Get out.. run... and the abuse you've endured from a crazy son, an enabled father, spineless wimp and a toxic ex is not in your cards!!
He'll be broke for a long time, because not protecting you comes with a price!! Remember that!!!

Whatever happens now, you deserve so much better treatment than this. If you value and have respect for yourself, then in my opinion, it's time to get away. It's more than likely that one of your children will grow up with the same disrespect this guy is showing you. One of my children from my previous marriage did and it's heartbreaking when you finally realise you have to let your children go to protect yourself and other children - even as adults.

There are sooo many decent men out there, that would not only love and protect you, provide financially but bring your children up properly and with care. A real man provides for his family (not gives it all to his ex family due to wishy washy earnings - get a proper job?) but he cherishes his partner - especially when pregnant. A real man also protects his baby from everything - including older children. My heart goes out to you, but only you can improve yours and your babies lot in life.

Please try take help off friends and relatives and do what's right for YOU.

{HUGS!!} I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

He is absolutely being a jerk - prett much everyone posted on here agrees with this. I don't know if he's still in love with his ex - but he sure is acting strange and it's got your gut instinct rumbling.. listen to it! He is having an emotional affair with her and will probably turn physical (if not already).

Big flag for me was reading about you staying 2 nights at the hotel with no contact from him - if he was still interested in keeping your relationship he would've been trying to talk it over with you. As it is, by his actions he is showing you that he's not interested - he's shown you that he has no respect for you or your relationship.

Leave him. Take your kids and make a new life for yourselves - and make sure you hit the swine for child support.

i am so sorry this is happening to you, writermom. that you spent two nights in a hotel without him even calling to check up on you speaks volumes.

he is a jerk. he is totally absorbed in bm and her children with him.

find yourself a place to stay if you can and FIND A LAWYER to cover your own interests and those of your children.

his treatment of you and your children is abusive, and you can also count that he allows his unstable son to hit your child. you don't need this and your deserve better.

Hi @writermom214 -

It sounds like you were/are in a relationship with a narcissist. If you don't really know about these relationships, you need to read about them (I will put good links below).

The fact that he seemingly "changed", is now laughing at your hurt, says nothing when you leave, and has not tried to contact you? And you have a child and you're pregnant?

He is a disgusting narcissist and this is what they do. I am so sorry that he is being so horrible. When these relationships end, they are not like a normal break up. They are crushing and confusing and these men always seem to change out of nowhere. They have usually already lined up someone new.

Please do not go back. He will play games with you and BM and mess with your head.

Read:
http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/
https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?262-Silent-Treatment-Covert-A...

I'm sorry that he had to be such an ass to you while you are expecting another child. It is a tough time for any woman much less one who has a guy who laughs at her when she expresses doubts. He doesn't feel the need to protect his baby or unborn child or YOU. WTF?? Let BM have him. They sound perfect for each other.

Maybe he can get back into working a high paying job and living in a million dollar house so YOU can benefit off his wages too instead of being the sugar mama until he could figure something else out.