Throw me a bone... typically what "age" do boys start becoming more social with peers?
SS just turned 12 and basically has no friends. Before you shed a tear for the "little darling" read my other post. He has no interest in playing any sports which is actually for the best as he does not share well or like to follow others rules. At the beginning of the school year he started to hang out after school a few times with a couple of "new kids" that had moved to town and I was hopeful but it seemed to never amount to anything. We live in a family friendly neighbor hood where kids his age are always out riding their bikes or just walking around. When I was his age and younger I would be right out there as soon as i saw kids wanting to join in. SS has NO interest in ridding his NEW BIKE unless daddy goes with him. This is the problem from the time SS comes over (50/50 split custody) he NEEDS and expects content attention from my husband. Its almost impossible to get anything done with my husband as SS wants to be entertained or played with the whole time hes over. Yes I know my husband should tell him to go out and play or entertain himself but thats another ISSUE for another time. Right now I would like to know what age can I expect SOME relief. I mean SS can't possibly still say at 15yrs old following husband around saying Daddy im bored play with me???? Even total delinquents eventually get one or two friends to hang out with. When do the hormones kick in maybe he will get a girlfriend? SS has his own smart TV with a PS4 in his room every kids dream but NEVER goes up there as he wants to be attached at the hip to daddy. He has a room full of expensive toys that he never plays with unless my husband plays with him. Its like SS is unable to entertain himself even with a houseful of toys. Please tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel? People tell me how their pre teen spends hours in their room or out playing with friends and they only see them when they come get food. I dream of that day!
Quit dreaming and start forcing!
It depends on the kid. In the case you outline.... martial arts. DH needs to drag this kid to Karate class and put him in to training. This will teach him a variety of skills, respect for others, attention to detail, compliance with instructions, self reliance... and most of all... it will deliver him an ass whuppin unless he keeps his head in the game. He may just learn that it is better to play with others than to get your ass kicked by them.
Our kid, former SS-26 now adopted, had similar issues. When he was about 6-7yo we started to break this in him by requiring him to play outside for 2 hours every day. He could play by himself or with neighborhood kids. His call. For months he would sit on top of his backyard playscape with his arms crossed for the entire 2hrs. It was uncanny what a great sense of time he had. Within a couple of minutes of 2hrs he would be standing at the back door knocking to be let in.
Finally... he came to the realization no matter what he had to be outside for that two hours and that it was more fun to play with others than sit on his ass by himself,
Time to invoke the outside by yourself torture.
Good luck.
Thats awesome! God I wish my
Thats awesome! God I wish my husband had the balls to do that.
This kid will not magically
This kid will not magically become normal - he's already damaged by the craptastic parenting he's gotten. I wouldn't plan on counting down until he's 18, either, he seems straight on a path to Failure to Launch.
I think you have to decide if you can live like this, and if you can retain enough respect for your husband to stay with him. That would be difficult for me.
This kid will not magically
Duplicate
Not all kids are social
Not all kids are social creatures. I have 2 bio sons, 13 and 16. They are loners and do not make friends easily. They do entertain themselves, however. My oldest has a major class load plus an extracurricular and welding. Youngest is happy to watch his brother weld and bring him necessary items. Youngest does have some hearing problems, so that may be why he doesn't make friends. Oldest is a good kid, but antisocial to most kids his age due to his standards.
The boy may be introverted or
The boy may be introverted or have shyness issues. You see loads of kids out... but HE doesnt know them and might not understand how to meet them.
Are there any local scouting groups etc... that you might be able to get him in so he might meet kids local to you?
Sorry to chime in so late to the game
My SSs were like that. They just sat waiting for DH to do something. One time I told them to go outside to play while they waited for DH to get back from an errand and for 40-60 minutes they laid next to each other, not talking, not playing, doing nothing, on a hammock, looking almost dead until DH came home. They grew up in that house so had 8-9 years in the neighborhood but didn't know a single kid. I discovered when OSS turned 12 that he had never been out in the neighborhood alone, DH always was there to hover, control, and entertain. It took my BS coming into the picture for there to be neighborhood kids around and for the SSs to meet them.
Is there any kid in the neighborhood you can invite over, perhaps explain to the mom what you're trying to do? Hold a movie night for the kids on the block so your SS has something to talk to them about?
Warning, some of this may be your DH. My DH balked at having the skids walk to school on their own ("but I like walking them"--which was not the point, the point was independence and maturing) and BM had an absolute shit fit when she found out they walked a block to school from the house ALONE at 10 and 8.5 with all the other kids walking to school. Yes, literally one block.