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Is there any easy way of bringing up inappropriate SS behaviour easy?

AlisonG's picture

Submitted by AlisonG on Fri, 01/10/2020 - 7:39am

Forums: 
General Discussion

I get along and have a great relationship with my partner but there is a topic I think I need to raise with him regarding SS. It's nothing too serious and probably just a no rtmsl boy thing. Nothing super inappropriate or weird at all

Bit I still think I should raise it but for some reason I'm scared on raising it in case I'm making a mountain out of nothing and normal behaviour

Is there an easy way to raise more sensitive topics?

I guess I'm more scared I'm making a mountain over nothing 

Thanks 

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Fri, 01/10/2020 - 8:25am

Without knowing what the behaviour is, it's hard for us to judge whether it's a normal boy thing or not.  If you felt like sharing, there are lots of parents here who could give you the benefit of their long years of experience of boy behaviour! ;-) 

If it's bothering you enough to post on here, I'd have a quiet word with your partner about it.  

MrsMiserable's picture

Submitted by MrsMiserable on Fri, 01/10/2020 - 10:03am

Agree with Kes. And yes, if it is bothering you, you need to talk to your SO about it. TRUST ME do not let things like that build up because eventually you will have resentment!

readingandlearning's picture

Submitted by readingandlearning on Fri, 01/10/2020 - 10:30am

You should not feel uncomfortable discussing things with your partner. They should be willing to listen to you not matter what you have to say, even if they do not agree. The fact that you are afraid to bring things up is concerning to me. Whatever you do do not let things build up.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 01/10/2020 - 1:46pm

Go with your gut, just bring it up casually, as if it isn't a mountain, and with no blame.

"Hey, SS is sniffing my underwear from the laundry hamper, do you think that's something that you should talk to him about?"

As long as you are not in blame mode, you should be able to discuss things with your partner.

SusieCue's picture

Submitted by SusieCue on Fri, 01/10/2020 - 10:50pm

My DH has a son from when he was fairly young (17 when the kid was born) and the kid's BM told him that his dad was in jail until the kid was 16 and BM was deemed unfit to parent. SS16 stayed with us briefly. When he was staying with us, I worked night shift and so we had told him that if he needed anything he needed to ask DH before he left for work because I worked 12 hour shifts and also night shift so I showered and went to bed as soon as I got home. 

So one morning I'm in my room (it has a connected bathroom) and just in case I had locked the door. I'm getting my clothes off for my shower and this kid jiggles the door handle and is like, "hey, can I ask you a question, I need something!" 

No. Nonononono. You do not do that. If the door wasn't locked, he would've seen my bits and pieces.

This kid had an unhealthy obsession with me and thankfully he doesn't live with us anymore. But I'm just saying, if the "inappropriate" behavior you speak of is stuff like this or little comments, you need to say something. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 01/12/2020 - 7:32pm

In my opinion the direct route focusing on the behavior is the way to go.  Just tell SO that a specific behavior is unacceptable to you and that either SO deals with it or you will.

Keep the focus on the behavior rather than complaining about the kid.   Do not let SO deflect away from the behaviors.

Behaviors, behaviors, behaviors.   Those are what are driving you nuts. Once the unacceptable behavior ends, things calm down.