stepson doesn't want to come to our wedding
Forums:
Ok so don't know if people saw my other post when I joined yesterday but my eldest step son has told my oh he doesn't want to come to our wedding in august 
He asked him why and he said he just doesn't want to. I really don't know what I can do to make this child happy.
You are better off letting
You are better off letting him skip it. Why deal with a moody teen all day on your special day. yes it sucks...but if you cant get him to confess WHY he doesn't want to go...its better if he doesn't. My SS's were a small part of our wedding and left shortly after it was done. I honestly don't remember even seeing them at the reception. I was too busy greeting my out of town guests to care what they were doing. They left so fast after the wedding we didn't even get a family picture. Still don't care...They don't treat me like a family member so I have no desire to get a picture taken with them. Im not fake so no family pictures just proves my point..we are not family. They are DH's children and I am only an adult who looks after them on occassion so they don't starve to harm themselves. Its not worth forcing him to come...just let it go and enjoy your wedding.
Eh, don't chase him. If he
Eh, don't chase him. If he doesn't want to go, fine. Less for you to worry about that day.
Go on about your life whether SS approves or joins in or not. Put him on ignore. The wedding is not about HIM.
How old is he? I probably
How old is he? I probably wouldn't worry about it.
Making him happy would not be on my list of priorities.
He's 11, we're having some
He's 11, we're having some real problems at the moment with him not wanting to spend time with us. It has been really stressing me out as I see us all as a family, I want to do things as a family unit not his and mine. It upsets me that he's unhappy but i basically think it's because he feels put out because his dad lived alone for two years and now he has to share him with me and my daughters.
It sounds like your OH needs
It sounds like your OH needs to have a chat with him.
At 11, I'm not sure I'd set the precedent that he can just do as he chooses, especially if the other kids are attending.
His mum calls the shots, he
His mum calls the shots, he said he doesn't want to sleep at ours anymore either so she says he doesn't have to. OH won't argue with her because it makes the situation worse and she has threatened he won't see all three of my step kids at times. Just trying to keep everything together!
"OH won't argue with her
"OH won't argue with her because it makes the situation worse and she has threatened he won't see all three of my step kids at times."
^^^
Well, you're going to be a member here for a loooooong time. Welcome! Happy sailing!
He needs to drag that bitch
He needs to drag that bitch to court YESTERDAY. Those kids should be where the court order says they should be when it says they should be. I watched my dh go through this with osd...then it started with the younger two skids. I told him to whip that co out and tell Voldemort to stick her wand where she's stuck every other man in Chicago. I'm telling you right now sister, allowing the skids to choose where they want to be is a slippery slope, never mind, "not wanting to make things worse my arguing"....FUCK THAT. Yes it makes things uncomfortable for a while, but if y'all get right in the courts, BM can SUCK IT.
Sorry but this topic makes me IRATE...the topic of the skids choosing where they want to be and the BM calling the shots. The only shot a bitch like that needs is between the eyes imo.
/RANT DONE
EDIT: For bad spelling due to my momentarily INCENSED disposition.
Oh, I'm sure your FDH's
Oh, I'm sure your FDH's excellent strategy of giving BM what she wants will create lasting peace!
The only way to long term peace with the high-conflict golden uterus BM of yours is to develop rock solid boundaries with her and the children. Your FDH is doing anything but, thus guaranteeing much more drama and many more attempts at BM controlling your lives.
If I were you I'd reconsider the entire marriage thing. This is not a situation you want to legally entangle yourself in, since BM is still the woman most influencing your FDH's choices. That won't change after marriage. In fact, it will probably increase in order for her to alleviate her insecurity at feeling replaced and your DH will do the Truffle Shuffle to her tune, as he always does.
You know, every time I see
You know, every time I see someone who's like "what do I do, my skids aren't coming to my wedding?" the only response I can think of is "you dance for fucking joy that your wedding won't be spoiled by one of them throwing a fucking tantrum or by BM sending them to the wedding looking like street urchins or hookers"
Why do you all care/want them there? It's not about them.
^THIS^
^THIS^
Is he a biological child of
Is he a biological child of either one of you or a ex step kid?
You should have fun at your
You should have fun at your wedding. I wouldn't worry about the kid not wanting to come. Chances are of a kid is acting like this now then they Are gonna make your happily ever after a f*ing night mare .
Do you see my signature here?
Do you see my signature here? BYE FELICIA, that's what you say to your ss. If he doesn't wanna go, less dramz for everyone that does attend. Leave his thespian ass right where he is, don't react to him and get on with your day.
It's sad how everyone just
It's sad how everyone just expects kids to step in line because of a random age or because a judge years ago said mom or dad gets so much time with him. Kids have feelings and emotions and they don't automatically do what adults tell them to do when they feel like their world is getting turned upside down. If a parent gets remarried, you don't force visitation. It's not necessarily bm trying to sabotage the new family. Sometimes it's someone putting the kids' needs before the adults. If he hasn't come around by the time of the ceremony, then let him skip it. It's not his big day. It may take him months or years of gradually getting used to Dad's new life and it shouldn't be forced. This is why so many sparents have issues with their skids. Let's be honest. It's selfish to expect a kid, just because he's a kid, to fall in line with Dad's new life and expect no repercussions from a decision that changes a kid's world and relationship within the family.
Would you or your fiancée
Would you or your fiancée really want him there moping the entire time, scowling in photos, and just doing whatever he could to ruin the mood? He should not attend. Please don't let his presence or absence ruin your special day.
While I agree that at age 11,
While I agree that at age 11, your SS shouldnt be allowed to pick and choose what he wants to attend and that your DH needs to step in and teach him to respect his elders, I also think it's probably better if you don't force him to attend. It'll really be a much happier occasion if he doesn't.