Step brat and DH response and Conclusion of the “fork Incident”
See my last post to see what led up to this..
So after the "fork Incident" on Saturday I was getting the silent treatment from SS on Sunday. Don't care what the little bastard thinks of me. BUT after hearing DH joking around/laughing with SS like NOTHING happened I could not take it anymore. I pulled DH aside and told him how upset I was with how SS spoke to me AND the fact DH was laughing/joking with SS like nothing happened. This turned into DH getting defensive saying "he did not hear SS Threaten me with the fork" and DH can't do anything right in my eyes. After this talk DH was clearly pissed at me giving me the silent treatment. I stayed clear of both DH and SS after this.
Later after the brat went home DH told me he spoke to SS about what happened and SS Denies Threatening me with the fork telling DH I "misunderstood" what he was saying. SS told DH it was my fault and I was WRONG for treating him like a baby because I wanted him to use a napkin. DH had to add he can understand why SS felt this way. OMG really??? Guess ONLY babies eat with napkins??
The bottom line is even IF I did "misunderstand" SS regarding the fork(unlikely) SS STILL refused to use a napkin when I asked him and told me to shut up. I asked DH if he told SS he needs to Apologize to me and DH said no because SS won't which is true. So no punishment.
You will never win this fight
Either ascent what going on . If you can or Start making an exit plan . To get away from this one side circus. Why do you come in third after DH and SS ?
Your SS is in control here..
Your SS is in control here...your DH is just a passive observer, not a parent. The fact that he "understands" why his son would not want to use a napkin is troubling to me. I suspect your SS knows he is in charge and is not afraid of using that power. Unless your DH is willing to step up and be an adult, this situation will not be fixed and you will always be the bad guy.
DH thinks that it is ok
DH thinks that it is ok for his son to eat spaghetti with his hands and not use a napkin while he is sitting on the couch because that is what he wants!!
I respect that there can be differing parenting styles, but this is just not parenting. Every bit of spaghetti would disappear from my house before SS's next visit. I'd serve finger foods only while he was there. And when he and DH walked in, there would be one of those 50s plastic covers on the couch. (Yes, they still sell them. Wayfair) And, I would not be available to eat outside the house with SS.
Munchkin SD14
is a lovely child in many ways, but her habit of eating everything possible with her hands is not one of them.
She thinks its funny.
I was thinking of plastic
I was thinking of plastic furniture covers on her last post too! Exactly what I would do and then, same as you, every last bit of "stainable" food would be removed from the house. Plastic runners on the carpet too.
I would be so angry I wouldn't be able to see straight myself. At least DH has usually belived me, only a few times did he not and he heard it from me 100% you bet. And then got on BMs case for believing a 13 year old over her dad. yay!
I would also stop cooking, period, and cleaning any help with kid would stop immediately.
He doesn't want her to parent then guess what? She doesn't!
(I do not parent either, due to other reasons, and it's definitely better this way)
"Misunderstood"? oh yes,
"Misunderstood"? oh yes, that's a common response of DH's attempting to minimise or deny what their offspring are doing.
Time for you to punish them
Time for you to punish them both. When they are both out of the house, rekey teh locks, file for separation, keep them out, and let DH know clearly that you are done with his complete lack of parental balls, his tolerance for his nasty failed family reproductive refuse, and that it is over. Neither of the get back in if DH does not step up and solve the problem permanently.
I am confident that you will find that when they are on the curb Vs polluting your home and life with their crap that you life will be instantly better and will keep getting better as you gain appreciation for your new life adventure that is free of that tragically shollow and polluted gene pool.
Be good to you. Your SO has no clue how to be good to you. Good riddance to their departure.
The problem is .....
If I stopped doing things to help out SS(cooking, cleaning etc) DH would not care one bit. DH LOVES being SS servant. If ANYTHING the brat would also love it if I totally Disengaged and disappeared when he came over. He could have daddy all to himself and what LITTLE control I have over what the feral brat does would be out the window. DH would let SS eat with his feet and wipe them on our bedroom sheets if that's what SS wanted. I feel the NEED to somewhat Monitor when SS is over to prevent total disaster for happening to my home/pets.
Does this sound like the life
Does this sound like the life you want? Does this sound like a happy, peaceful life? Do you think things will get better and SS will disappear? Your plans of moving away won't work- your Dumb Husband will do anything to keep his little prince happy, and that includes not moving or bribing him to move with you. Please get out.
Time to take up a hobby that
Time to take up a hobby that takes you out of the home everytime the feral brat visits.
If there is a mess DH can clean it. Be the queen of happy, by spending as little time as you can with DH and his kid. Make it into a competition for yourself, lower that score of how many minutes you spend in the company of his kid every visit, break that score each time.
Your DH is absolutely
Your DH is absolutely hopeless. You need to do two things: disappear from the house whenever SS is over, and give DH the silent treatment for weeks and weeks.