I have been thinking on this for the last couple of days so I am posting it on here for a little perspective and a possible way to help him. I am at a loss.

Ss15 wanted top talk to me on sat. we talked for about 30mins. He told him how frustrated he is with his mom and how she is always bad talking his dad and me. He also said that it doesn't matter how much proof she has or other people tell her that she is wrong she will continue to say she is right. He is also frustrated that she no matter what she is upset about or who she is arguing with or arguing about she has to pull the single mom card and say how bad she has it. He said he got so upset with her that they were arguing again about his driving while she took him out that she pulled the single mom card (while teaching your kid to drive???) He pulled over and told her that he was tired of it and he chewed her out for it. He told me that she doesn't have it that bad as she doesn;t work and her mom and aunt pay her bills and dad pays CS and she is on hud and food stamps and of course dad pays ins. and half of co pays. No before anyone says anything bm is the one that lets ss15 know all this, she thinks that ss15 is the 'man of the house'. He told me that bm takes her anger out on the boys and dh. Plus he said that bm and her mom will sit in the living room and talk about us all day long.

He also told me that bm thinks she is the prettiest woman on earth and even refused to date a guy b/c she thought he was fat. He told me that he tried to get them together so she would have someone and she told him that so he told her that she needs to look in the mirror as she is bigger than he is and she is no model.

He also told me that every fri. they are to come to our house bm will give him a detailed list of what they should do at our house when to do and what to eat and when and how and what dh and I should and this is almost every min of the whole weekend. I asked why am I just now hearing about this, he said b/c he ignored her and didn't tell dh what she said. But he said that he is telling me b/c he finally had enough that fri and told her that 'dad doesn;t care what you have to say and does what he wants and that you can not control dad'. Bm told ss15 that she does control everything that goes on at house and that is final. Ss15 told me that she just thinks she controls dad.

He told me a lot more but I have to remember since this was on sat when he told me. Now before anyone flames me about the way ss15 talks to his mom dh and I both have told him so many times that he needs to respect his mom and she is the only mom he will ever have and blah blah blah. But dh is at the point that this has gone on for so many years that none of the boys respect bm and it is her fault we can't control what happens at her house.

My problem is what can we say to ss15 so he doesn't get into situations with bm like this? We have both told ss15 to just give yes or no answers but that doesn't seem to work. But at the same time we can't control what bm does or doesn't do and if she is bad talking us in front of the boys and makes no bones about it what can we do?