SS driving me insane
Long time lurker, finally created an account! And thank God for this forum and all of you guys. Even though I have never posted here before, you have all helped me in so many situations just by knowing that I am not alone!
And now, please allow me to vent.
SS12 has now been with us for a month because BM is away with her new BF. I am going insanse. This "child" cannot do anything on his own. He cannot even make a simple sandwich, or get a glass of water. My DH aka Disneydad gladly jumps to the occation every single time SS needs something. SS is also filthy, I seriously do not think he has showered more than once since he got here, and that didn't happen quietly or really even voluntarily. DH more or less forced him to shower because he was starting to smell. His room is such a dirty mess that I refuse to go in there. DH/Disneydad also lets this 12 year old stay up until we go to bed at around midnight. No matter what day it is. So we never have any "adult time" even late at night.
SS does not contribute to the household in any way, shape or form. He makes messes wherever he goes, does not know what a dishwasher is (or where it is), doesn't know where the laundry basket in his room is, and does not know how to take out the trash. He just leaves everything everywhere and expects us to tidy after him. DH and I have had so many arguments about this. I used to clean the house (including his mess) every single day, because I could not stand to live in a filthy house, but I have completely stopped helping out, and I refuse to clean up after my SS. DH has now started to notice that our house is a dirty mess, and instead of actually parenting his child and making him clean his own mess, DH just does it for him.
My SS is also incredibly dependent, to the point where I am starting to think that this is not normal. He can't do anything on his own. He never leaves the house. He is incapable of entertaining himself with like a movie, tv, books, games, whatever. I know he doesn't really have any friends where we live because it's out of his school district, but there are plenty of kids nearby that he could make friends with if he wanted to. But instead, he is constantly following us around the house. It has even happened a few times when we have retired to our bedroom for some intimate alone time, he comes bursting through the door to ask "what we are up to". One time we were going at it under the covers, and the shit kid came in and actually sat on the bed!!!!! Sorry if this is TMI, but what the actual hell guys. Of course we are now always locking the door, but it completely kills the mood when SS starts knocking on it and yelling at us.
I have spent the better part of the last month hiding in my bedroom, but as you see, not even my bedroom is sacred. I seriously do not know what to do anymore. I have talked to my DH so many times, we have argued and he promises to be better at parenting. But I don't really see any changes. SS is going to stay with us for another month, and I am thinking of traveling somewhere alone. Just to get away from this nonsense.
Rent over.... For now. Thank you.
Darlin' your H is the major
Darlin' your H is the major problem here and all the fighting has not convinced him that he needs to step up and parent his child. This is a sure way to lose respect for someone and if you're thinking of having kids with him in the future I'd really reconsider. Outside of talking to a therapist to see why he doesn't parent his son I'd consider leaving.....I know you have another month but if something ever happens where this child has to live with you both full-time you will be in for a world of disaster.
Can’t imagine
That is tough. You’re DH must just be learning how to handle having his son for the first time?? Keep expressing to him your VALIDATED concerns! You should not be expected to clean up SS messes, or fully entertain him. Maybe you guys take him to the park or a movie, and once home you can explain you’ve all had a good time but now you are going to retire for some rest. Put on a movie for him, and if he bothers you bc he is not entertained, have his father explain what quiet time is. DH def needs to step up here it sounds like. If you feel like you are fighting with him tooth and nail constantly, than maybe it wouldn’t hurt for you to go on a girls trip or moms house and leave the two of them to figure it out on their own.
Good luck!!
Welcome to being a site member!
Your situation sounds truly gruesome, huh? I honestly don't think I could cope with it, I'd have to leave as you are now contemplating. I wonder whether your DH realises that he is in the process of creating a manchild who will have no relationships, no job, no ability to take care of himself? If you have addressed his lack of effective parenting with him many times, and there is still no sign of positive change, I wonder if you feel you can tolerate this status quo indefinitely?
This boy is unlikely to launch successfully at 18, so not only will he be around with all his foul habits, for the next 6 yrs, but likely far beyond that as well. Ugh, doesn't bear thinking about, does it?
Your DH is the problem. He is a major problem.
Your DH has to parent his kid. What he is not doing. There has to be a bed time. So you have some alone time. Lock the bed room door. He is not allowed into your bed room. Your DH has to teachs his DS to clean up after himself, ect,ect,ect. SS should have to do something’s around the home.
You have to get on your DH or it will never changes.
Amazing how many skids on this forum are velcro
I think it's the circumstances of being with a Disney parent. Because the parent waits on them hand and foot and provides all the entertainment, the child never learns to do it on their own and learns to just go to where the parent is to see what's next. Unfortunately this reinforces the Disney parent because the parent believes this need to be near is based in love when it's really just founded in firmly established habit.
I feel for you. I think I would be living more of this scenario if I hadn't had a DS just slightly older than the skids. DH saw a kid who didn't just sit mute and still in a spot waiting for me to entertain, who could pour his own milk, who went outside on his own, who thought up games, and went out to find friends.
Oh I can relate! I have to
Oh I can relate! I have to deal with DH being a Disney dad and MIL all doing it around me non stop. They are idiots and these kids are 16 and 12.
the 16 year even works a full time summer job but still can’t make herself a snack or make her dinner plate....or shower with our being told.