My future FIL called me last night. He has two younger daughters, and one grown daughter from a previous marriage. My FMIL HATES dealing with the BM, just as most of us do. But it is to the point that my FMIL takes it out on the kids. EXAMPLE: she has been "giving the girls the cold shoulder" since mothers day because they didn't do anything for her. WELL... FFIL only has the girls every other weekend. Its not really like they spend this tremendous amount of time with her and they should think of her as another mother... when they ARE there, she is mean to them, and makes them feel guilty for not wanting to spend more time with their dad (who has never asked for MORE time with the kids. He is perfectly content with the way it is). AND, the girls are 9 and 12. Old enough to understand what a STEP parent is... YES, but still loyaly to their mother and understandably so, since my FMIL treats them like dirt.

So... when my FFIL called me, he told me he is fed up and about to leave her over this. I guess his oldest daughter called him and told him that the younger two have been "tattling" on FMIL to her, and they don't want to go over there anymore. Well..... my first response to him was SHE CAN'T LIVE WITH US!!!!! But then we started talking, and I found it very sad that I could not defend her in any way. Every one of his complaints were valid. I even talked to her about this behaviour after mothers day. I have SS JUST AS MUCH AS HIS BM, and I don't expect ANYTHING from him on Mothers Day. Nothing. I am NOT his mom. I love him just like I love my OWN kids... but I could never expect a child to understand that and have the forsight to do anything for me, when they have a mom.

So, now I am left with the knowledge that FMIL is about to get divorced and she has NO indication of this. They fight about it a lot... but he has not told her that he is leaving her. He asked me not to even let on that he called me. He just needed to vent...I have not even told FH. I want to talk to her about it and tell her to chill out on the kids... but I don't want to let her know that I talked to FFIL.

This step parenting stuff really should come with a handbook.