I've come to realize that Dh is almost a "helicopter dad" in a sense. He is so guilt ridden about not having the "happy family" he didn't have as a child, and about things not working out with BM. No, he would never go back to her, but he has said that if he would have known how she was going to change after they(he) bought the house and had the baby that he would never have had a child with her. He never thought he would be the EOW dad, and it makes him feel horrible that his son has to be going through this. Personally, I think ss is adjusting well now and welcomes routine knowing when he will be seeing dad again vs before when it was all BM choice based on her current 'mood'.

I can't shut my instincts off. To better explain; my parents divorced and I basically raised my siblings as my mother dove into a deep depression. I did all the cooking, cleaning, homework, helped with grocery shopping, parent/teacher nights (basically all of the things you would do as a parent) while she hid away in her room mentally shutting down watching tv and/or sleeping. I knew from experience that if I didn't do it, it literally would not get done and my siblings would suffer. For those who say "yeah right, if you did nothing your mom would have to"...Well, I tried several times, and in less then two weeks she cooked every frozen meal we had, used every dish in the house and let them stink and overflow on every space in the kitchen, wore the same clothes all week, and when she wasn't heating up food she was back in the bedroom like we didn't exist. My siblings were under the age of 8, I was 16, dad was arrested soon after the divorce and there was no child support or visitation. So I find myself almost on autopilot when ss is over when it comes to "does he have homework? did he brush his teeth?" etc. I know it's not my problem, but I will bring it up if it's 1130pm on a Saturday and ss is happily watching cartoons and there is a bulging backpack of papers sitting in the entryway. (if it's our weekend with ss, BM will not even look through it that week) If I don't bring up teeth brushing it doesn't get done. Homework is done in a rush in the car when we drive him home because DH always gets sidetracked by something fun and ss is more then willing to go along. I know, not my problem. But I can't help but care, he is such a well mannered, considerate child I just don't want him to turn into a greedy, self-centered little monster like I've read about some of the skids on here }:) I don't understand why it is so hard for parent's to "parent" when they are no longer together. Kids still need to know you are an adult, not just the "fun dad/mom" now that they parents aren't together. That doesn't sound right but I don't know how to explain. If anyone has more tips/articles on "disengaging" please post below, it is our weekend with ss again. I need to try to do something by not doing something :?