sooooo sick of my ss!!!
Forums:
He is an ungrateful punk! He was talking on the phone with his sister and I heard him through our bathroom talking mess about me! So I charged in the room and hung up the phone> He feels he did nothing wrong..How ridiculous! So sick of him!
I know it's hard to hear a
I know it's hard to hear a skid, or anyone really, talk behind your back. I have had it happen with my Sd a few times and i am pretty sure I have reacted pretty hurt as well. I am not sure that hanging up his phone was necessarily the right thing to do. I mean, I vent here and have called my SD names when talikng about her sometimes....we all do it. If he did it with the intention of you hearing it, or not caring enough that you don't then it's worse. If you had to go out of your way to catch him doing it, then I think you were wrong in your action, but I still understand how that happens. We can only control so much what others, including skids, think and say about us, and I am personally happy to not hear all that has been said about me....
So, would it be ok for
So, would it be ok for someone to come slam your laptop lid when you are on here venting about your SS? Probably not ok to hang up the phone when he is venting to his sister...
I know you were just angry and reacted, but we are the adults and the kids model from us the correct way to respond in situations.
Unless she's reading outloud
Unless she's reading outloud what she's writing for him to hear its totally different, He said it so she could hear it to hurt her feelings. He has no idea if she's on steptalk, facebook or some other site, Plus she's the adult.
Ok, I get this... Last night
Ok, I get this... Last night I was only seeing it as a venting issue, but you are right, it shouldn't have been said in her presence. He should wait and discuss his issue with his sister when they are in person, or chatting online.
I agree with Echo here. The
I agree with Echo here. The reason I am posting yet again on this, is not to make anyone feel bad. As I have said, I have reacted similarly at times and I understand how painful/frustrating/irritating this can be. I am posting again, because I think it it stuff like this we can do better at. Looking back at the good, bad and ugly, it's a few things like these that I think we all would have been better off avoiding.
Yes, it hurts to hear someone you have a difficult relationship talk about you and probably say stuff that to you isn't even true. If it's done in your face ( very different than in your house) then you have a right to stop it. If it's done while they are supposed to have their privacy, you don't. Going and looking for this kind of stuff, including stalking on FB ( done that too) really just feeds problems and shows we spend too much time on the problem itself.
I am not saying feel bad; what you did is understandable. Just try and avoid listening in to stuff that might hurt you.
Another poster said he should have come to you about the problem instead of venting, but who knows how that would have ended up and who knows if it is just a general complaint, or something very specific.
Good luck to you. I think I can really relate to this kind of pain.
Sorry but I don't agree he is
Sorry but I don't agree he is the kid she is the adult! That is why we have so many kids thinking they have the right to do that crap in the first place., She set her ss straight by letting him know he was ion the wrong and he was not allowed to talk to his sister that night. Did she do it in the heat of the moment sure we all do but at the same time it was NOT ok for him to say the things he said about an ADULT that NO doubt is supporting him in some way.
I still say that he is the kid and not the adult and he is not on the same level.
I agree that he was wrong if
I agree that he was wrong if he was lying about her, obviously I am not sure what 'talking mess' actually means. Lies are not ok, venting to someone that you love should be allowed at any age. I think the OP would do better to follow your signature and not worry about people talking...
If he is in HER house no he
If he is in HER house no he doesn't get to 'vent' to anyone about the adults and If he has a problem he needs to go to his dad or to her.
Sorry we will have to agree to disagree he is a KID! He is NOT on the same level as an adult especially the one that SUPPORT him. He should have went to his dad at the very least.
I disagree. Even a kid is
I disagree. Even a kid is allowed to vent, particularly to a sibling, no matter whose house it is. He should have been careful not to be heard and thus make a problem, but he is absolutely entitled to vent about her. We may not like it and react or over react, but this has little to do with being grown up or not. Maybe he really needed to talk to someone and that can be a lot better than snapping at stepmom and calling her names. Now THAT, would not have been ok, because she is the adult and he is the kid. But talking to his sister? Can't be that thin skinned. Kids do have a right to vent, and may have more need to do so than adults, since they lack better coping skills. It could avert much worse problems; it's one of those pick your battles things. They should be able to, even in the house that belongs to BOTH the stepmom and their father. If they are not careful and speak loudly, that is a problem, but if she had to sneak up on him behind close doors, looking for this kind of thing....then it's more her problem.
As far as age, I am much more ok with a kid doing this, than another adult???????Like a husband or a wife?????
If you are in MY house, you
If you are in MY house, you do not talk like that about anyone in the house. If you want to do it, either do it online where I can't hear you or do it outside of the house. It is disrespectful to do such a thing in someone's house where they could hear you. Yes, we all vent. Yes, we vent here. But if she were in the bathroom talking about the SKID I can assure you that everyone would say "you should not have done it while they were in your house". It reminds me of the pathetic MIL I have that came to MY house, with tickets I GAVE HER to travel, for the FIRST WEEEK after my baby was born and while my DH was at work decided to use MY PHONE to talk crap about me. She's lucky I had a baby to take care of because I would have kicked her out immediately! I didn't. But I did tell my DH to tell her to stop or she was going to be out on the street looking for a ride.
What is wrong that rudeness is so widely accepted. You respect people in their home. And yes, this might be the skid's home, but it is ALSO her home. She had every right to be angry. In this crazy world our home is to be our SAFE and PEACEFUL place, not a place where the skids think they can do whatever they want and hurt whomever they want.
I would not have hung up...I would have shoved...sigh
I would have been mad too.
I would have been mad too. My guess is that she is helping to support this skid, or cleaning up after him, or cooking supper, or doing his damn laundry or something for him. It is incredibly disrespectful for him to talk on the phone about her in her own house. If I had something doing any of the above for me then I'd make sure I kissed their ass to be quite frank. That is the problem with kids-they think everyone should do everything for them and all the while they treat them like crap.
MY ss likes to talk crap (make up bad stuff about me) to my inlaws and my dh's various family members. It really pisses me off-as we've all heard the old saying if people hear something often enough they tend to believe it-consequently my inlaws all think myself and my children have spent years terrorizing my poor innocent ss.
Venting is one thing-disrespect is another. I come on here to vent about my ss-I dont do it while he is present in my home, I dont do it with my dh or any of ss's other relatives-I do it with strangers that he will never encounter and do it in a mattr he will never overhear.
I am a bit surprised that
I am a bit surprised that some are nit picking on the fact that she hung up the phone!!
I caught my SS talking crap about DH one time to BM. ONE time. I told him to cut it out NOW. And he did and was a bit embarrassed. If he had not stopped…I would have yanked HIS phone that BM pays for, out of his hand and hung it up or worse. It was in MY house and he was talking shit about MY husband. I would have done the same if it was one of my kids also. How could you not????
To me, venting should be done
To me, venting should be done AFTER the problem has been addressed with the source of the frustration. Especially if the source of the frustration is in the next room. You go talk to that person first, THEN if after repeated tries to have that person see it your way, it's still now working, you get to vent.
I think most of us here have probably tried to work with BM/skids/DH/SO/BF/inlaws before they ever came here.
Yep he was in HER home that
Yep he was in HER home that SHE pays for and I bet she PAY for his phone in one way or another too! That is just plain wrong and he needs to know his actions were wrong and she is the adult and if she wants to throw that phone or hang it is her right! HE is a FREAKING kid people! As I said if he had a problem he should have went to his dad at least and have it resolved.
AND NO KID IN MY HOME HAS PRIVACY!! NOPE I reserve the right to go in any kids room and do anything I want! Which is the way it is supposed to be. They do not pay the bills the adults do.
I get venting but saying it over the phone knowing that someone COULD hear him was wrong yes he is young and needs to be taught and she taught him.
I would've said " we don't
I would've said " we don't talk about people like that in my house'. Is there any chance he WANTED you to hear him? Little shit.
I would have been mad as
I would have been mad as well......was it diff because it was SK? If I hear my Bio Daughter talking about me - I would be pissed; I know she has the right to vent; but I guess no matter who it comes from it hurts.......We just moved into our house w/ SD14 about 2 years ago. new house; new neighborhood. SD spread lots of crap around about me......how mean I was to her, how rude I treated her........it was awful.........finally almost 2 years later I am escaping the crap!! She has lost all of her friends during this time......hmmmmmm
I am not sure what I would do here....every situation is diff; me being me right now - I would probably be thru the roof.......good luck!!
wow I read all of the
wow I read all of the comments and agree with with both sides. This isnt the first time my ss has a bad mouth on him and has done alot of unacceptable venting. I agree with him being able to vent thats why he is allowed to go into his room to have a "private conversation" I say private in the matter of as much privacy as I and his dad want to give him. That is our choice and our right to decide how much privacy he is trustworthy off. I was not snooping via our bathroom I was plucking my eyebrows and could hear him clear as a bell. He was rude disrescptful and condesending to my already troubeled relationship with both him and his sister in no way what he had to say was helpful or respectful to a peacful environment in our house. I had just got done making a 2 hr dinner for him and finished all the dishes too. I went into our room after that and heard him "venting" I agree venting is good to a certain point such as " the rules here are so hard and im bummed" can u help me with some ideas sis?" But not okay with being called names and saying other innappropriate stuff. Especially in my house. I try very hard to not complain about him "even though he frustrates the living tar out of me". I frankly get sick of being the nice step mom and at times i feel i need to do what i need to do in order to let him know that his dad and I are the ones in charge not him. So that makes me the bad guy but oh well I and his dad need to do what is condusive to our lives.
Thanks for the comments.. Input has been enlightening.