Some good things about Houtx's DH
I think it's worth noting the good and positive things about Houtx's DH. From reading some of the back blogs, this is what I see.
1. He's faithful
2. He's intelligent
3. He's probably educated
4. He makes a good living
5. Doesn't shirk financial responsibilities
6. Provides a nice home
There are good things here to work with. Houtx has two very young daughters and "just leaving" isn't really that realistic of an option right now.
So Houtx, yeah you are stuck with your SS and that's a big burden no doubt about it. But you also get to SAHM with your girls instead of sending them to daycare, which family is not an option to help out. Your husband comes home every night, he's not abusive.
You have two daughters. That right there is a blessing because they can grow up to be like you, which is a great thing (because apparently you are the only real shot in life your SS has) and there's good qualities from their dad.
Anyone else got something good to add about Houtx's DH?
Thanks Mazzy, I LOL on that
Thanks Mazzy, I LOL on that one.
I don't think he always wore
I don't think he always wore his rose colored glasses which means there is hope to get him to take them off.
He's trying, in his own
He's trying, in his own clumsy way, to boost Captain's self-esteem.
I never told her to just
I never told her to just leave. But there's a power imbalance in the relationship where DH does little with SS and leaves it all for SM. if she refuses, what is HE going to do? Finding a nanny to deal with all his nastiness is gonna cost him through the nose. And he sure as heck ain't finding another woman to deal with this.
So he has her over a barrel, but she has him over a barrel too. I just don't know she realizes it at times. If she leaves, what is he going to do?
Anyway, the concept of this thread is kinda icky. Yeah, we can find the good in everyone, but sometimes, why would you want to? Her DH, as presented by her, is a guy who doesn't want to be around or deal with his horrible son, but instead expects his wife to do so. Expects is too mild a word...demands she deal with the SS. That doesn't sound like a nice person.
I think the concept of this
I think the concept of this thread is brilliant.
Unless there's a joke I'm
Unless there's a joke I'm missing, I don't get it. You could take all kinds of nasty people and say, "But so and so was nice to dogs" or "But so and so was a good provider" or "So and so was a good neighbor".
What does that prove? A nasty person is still a nasty person.
Also, there's all kinds of
Also, there's all kinds of people who don't leave abusive relationships because, "Well, X is a good provider" or "X is kind to me when he's not drinking" and to be honest with you, I don't agree with those patterns of thought.
Her DH, as described, is a dude who is ok, except when he demands his wife deal with the psychologically and physically damaged SS. Oh, and DH can't really help because he's at his job. A lot, all the time. And he demands she deal with SS in a manner he sees fit, not necessarily the way she wants to do it. And he totally ignores or minimizes any impact this has on her.
So yeah, I'm sure her DH has good qualities. But that's enough of a deal breaker that the good qualities are largely immaterial.
She's not in a position to
She's not in a position to break the deal right now. She's starting to see DH's weaknesses and it's probably very tempting to focus on that, especially as ST is her main support and that's the focus. He's got some good things going on, in some ways her life is good, and her days might be easier if she can remember the blessings she does have.
Love this comment.
Love this comment.
That's really awesome. I've
That's really awesome. I've always thought that a person who, as goofy as this sounds, is close to natural things like animals or plants has a good personal outlet to self-soothe.
What little I know about RAD, I would think it is especially extra good for this kid to love plants and dirt and growing things. Relating to something alive and real and growing.
Houstx's husband is not the
Houstx's husband is not the person you are describing. Houstx is not in an abusive relationship. Her plate is full and she's overwhelmed. I think the OP is trying to pull her back from the brink with a gentle reality check.
What actually happened? Houstx's SS asked her for permission to play xbox. He apologized. Her husband called him tall. For this she ran to StepTalk in crisis.
Houstx's posts are becoming hyperbolic. I think the OP is calling on Houstx's supporters to help talk her down and help her regain some perspective and balance. I think she is doing it in a very nice way.
Neither. I think she could
Neither. I think she could use a positive encouragement and reinforcement of the good things about her husband. There's plenty on here for the things he needs to improve.
sometimes thing go crappy in
sometimes thing go crappy in a relationship bc the balance get's all skewed. No pun intended. That doesn't mean that two ppl don't love each other or shouldn't be together. It just means that it's really hard right now.
Right now our friend has a lot going on. We only get the part where she's venting and freaking out. It's what we do here.
Sometimes we sugar coat and sometimes we make things out to be worse than they are in reality bc that's how we see it.
When you are up to shit to your eyebrows...that's what you see.
I'm glad that Houstx has us to come to. She needs a place to let it all out. Consider different opinions and gain support.
Sometimes you just need someone to tell you that you aren't alone. That makes all the difference.
You are right. Houstx has a good man. Is he perfect? No. None of us are!!
He makes mistakes and he can't see the forest for the trees sometimes.
But as far as dumping him. That's silly, they are having a new baby!
This too shall pass.
I agree I think this is a
I agree I think this is a good thread, not just for Hou, but for all of us at one point. She DOES have a lot on her plate that a lot of us don't most of the time. We all go through times of it being "good". Right now, she is expecting a baby at any time, and has a broken foot. That alone is worth blogging about. Her SS issues are just the ones that are around most of the time. Her issues are above and beyond right now.
I know sometimes I need someone to point out the good things that I CHOOSE to be with my SO for. I have been in an abusive relationship. What I am in now is NOT. It is not always fun at times, but it is not abusive.
I feel horrible for Hou. I have been pregnant and have had a broken foot, I could not imagine both at the same time. I think it is great we are trying to cheer her up.
And in her DH's favor, he DID take SS to the doctor. Not on the schedule that Hous wanted, but he did take him.
Remember, we all chose this person. There are good things about them, sometimes we just can't see them.
Slow changes are real
Slow changes are real changes.
I am glad I was able to bring
I am glad I was able to bring some kind of perspective. It is hard for all of us. But, I must credit the OP for this thread though.