Slight annoyance - VENTING
So, my FDH got a text from BM last night around 10:00PM saying, "Don't let your personal life interfere with remembering your kids birthday."
He read that to me when he got it and I could tell he felt bad and I kinda felt bad too. He forgot his kids birthday. There's no good excuse he forgot it besides the fact that he's terrible with dates. He can't remember anything when it comes to dates. He says to me, "Why would she tell me this now?? Why couldn't she tell me this earlier??" I told him that, "She wasn't telling you this to remind you but to make you feel bad. And it's not her responsibility to tell you when your kids birthday is anyway." We've been having problems with BM and I guess before things got bad she would tell him the kids b-day's were coming up. Now she's expecting him to remember which is the right thing to do. But that was a slap in the face when she text him that late at night to make sure the kid was asleep so he couldn't call her.
I don't know what exactly he text back to her but I know he said the excuse that he's really bad at dates. I can also imagine that he said, "Well, why didn't you remind me?" When he got no response bad he tells me that it's really nice of her not to respond back - of course he was being sarcastic cause he was expecting a response back. I told him, "It's because she was doing it to simply irritate you and it seemed to have worked. She wasn't telling you to be nice." I told him to put all the b-days in his phone and on the computer and we'll even get a calendar too. (I'm too good with dates, so I never needed a calendar. lol)
I hate the fact that he feels he still "needs" her to remind him of such dates. And after all this she's probably thinking, "See, he DOES still need me. Ha ha ha." .. Just so you know that would've been an evil laugh.
It's annoying.. Cause I feel it's a slap in my face too.
He should use a calendar.
He should use a calendar. That is unexcusable. Sorry on this one I am on BM's side. He is an adult with a phone and probably outlook, no excuse...
I bought a calendar today for
I bought a calendar today for him to write all three kids b-days in. Cause if he can't remember it then the calendar will.
I agree. People who
I agree. People who habitually forget things and are late just don't give a damn. Just like my SD22 always "forgets" her court dates, or would always be late coming home if we are watching her kid. I bet if someone told her "Free weed on this date at this time" her ass would be there EARLY.
"Bet ya $10 bucks that if he
"Bet ya $10 bucks that if he got free Super Bowl tickets, THAT date he'd remember."
(I just wanna be sarcastic with this.)
Nah, he probably wouldn't remember that either cause he doesn't even like football. I, on the other hand, watch football every Sunday, possibly Monday, Thursday and Saturday depending on who's playing. Haha. He only likes football cause I make him watch our hometeam games
I agree though - it's not right. He should've remembered. I'm not trying to stick up for him because I don't think it's right either. But maybe he's so used to being told that he never really had to remember. Who knows!
My son's dad forgot his
My son's dad forgot his birthday once. His excuse was "Our wedding was that weekend. With so much going on it slipped my mind. I'm sooooo sorry."
By the time I was done with him he felt like shit. That was the first and last time he forgot.
I have a shitty exh so I'm
I have a shitty exh so I'm going to play the other side of this. While it sucks that he forgot the birthday, I don't have any sympathy for the bm who has to deal with the fallout. If she wanted him to be a good dad, she would have reminded him about her birthday before it happened. But she waited so she could say, "see, you suck at being a dad and don't care about her." How much does the bm care about her by letting her own daughter see that the dad "doesn't care"? That said, I'm not sure how often you get her, but if my kids weren't around all the time, I don't know how much I'd remember. My daughter talks about her bday all year. My son hardly ever mentions his, so it always sneaks up on me. And I have them full time! This father needs to get a calendar. But the mom needs to stop letting him be a shitty dad when possible bc it's only hurting the kid.
my.kids.mom, I agree with you
my.kids.mom, I agree with you to an extent. Granted he should feel bad, and does, for forgetting his kids birthday, BM shouldn't have thrown it in FDH's face but she did it on purpose because of the issues we've had with her constantly bugging him. They were married for at least 10 years so she should know how he is then again he should have had a general IDEA of when the kids b-day was. And because she does know how he is she only did make her daughter feel like her dad didn't care. He's really not a bad dad. They never went for custody so there's no type of visitation set up. So she's used the kids to get what she wants. He pays child support but there's been times where he said, "No, I don't have money." Then she'll turn around and say well you can't see the kids and he won't get to see them. In the past year he's started seeing them more. Like once or twice a month. And for the past few months they've stayed the night at our place. So, yeah, he doesn't get to hear the kids talking about their b-days. But his "personal life" was geared towards me. Now if I didn't talk about the b-day two weeks before, he'd forget mine too!
Oh and I did buy a calendar today and he's going to put the dates in
Scubed, I agree with you also. FDH doesn't NEED BM to remind him. Well, ok, let me rephrase and this may seem selfish. *I* don't need BM to remind FDH that his kids birthday is coming up because not only was it a smack in his face, it seemed like a smack in mine too because me and FDH agreed all this talking between the two was a little too much (understatement) and they stopped talking and BM has/had a major issue with it. So it's like she threw it in his face that: You really do NEED me. Ugh, it's annoying.
Even if he did reply, which
Even if he did reply, which he did, he should've just said something like, "I knew when her b-day was and I planned on taking her out this coming weekend." Instead of saying, "OMG. You know I'm forgetful with dates!" The first one would've sounded so much better!
Eh, BM definitely wanted to make him feel bad because she doesn't like the fact that he put his foot down with texting 50 times a day! But I bought a calendar for him that he's going to write all the dates in tonight so he doesn't have to deal with this again.
Haha, that is SO true!
Haha, that is SO true! Depending on the man, he could remember extensive stats on football players but ask him when he got married or a birthday you'll get that dead stare of uncertainty.
I have to agree with this. To
I have to agree with this. To this day I still remind my dad when my mom's birthday is coming up and they've been married over 30 years. My DH actually asked if we could get married on his birthday so that he would be sure he didn't forget the day (his request was denied by the way). I am sure he will make it up to her and all will be right with the world. If all BM was going to do was berate him for being a terrible person then she shouldn't have texted him at all. What's the point? It's not like he could have done anything at that point in time. It was just her way of rubbing his nose in it.