As SK's Get Older
I was at the end of my rope this weekend, and spoke before my oral filter could be securely fastened...
The SK's have always treated DH as though he wasn't "part" of them - more like a stranger than a dad. DH and BM were divorced 17 years ago, the SK's are now 19. But... DH had them every.single.weekend, including when DH and I were dating. DH's parents were also very involved, helping out DH time-wise and often money-wise since BM never worked and relied on DH to support her and SK's 100%
I came on scene and it was disastrous from the beginning - they have never accepted me, probably never will. I told DH a long time ago I only hoped that some day, when they got older, they'd realize I really am not as bad as they (or "someone else"... ahem) has led them to believe. And I also hoped that as they got older, they'd somehow realize all that DH (and grandparents) have done for them and hopefully become a little closer to them.
Yesterday was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. Now that SK's are out of high school they rarely call or stop by to see their dad. Mind you, neither works (well, one doesn't work, one works 4 hrs a day, 4 days a week) so it's not like they don't have any time on the weekends. Almost every weekend, DH invites them over for a meal -- whether it's Saturday or Sunday, it doesn't matter to DH, as long as he can see them for a while.
So this past weekend, they were supposed to come over on Saturday afternoon. At the last minute, they said they had other plans (DH had asked them like 4 days prior and they both said OK). When DH called on Saturday to confirm, that's when SK's told him they had other plans. So DH suggested yesterday, Sunday, at 2pm. SK's agreed.
At 2pm, nobody is here. DH calls, and they are both out "doing stuff". Don't know when they'll be here, may not be hungry, etc.
This isn't the first time it's happened, and I've just had enough. I told DH I know it's not my business, but their constant habit of blowing him off pissed me off. He started with the excuse of "they're not blowing me off, they just aren't here yet." Whatever... I told him it's shameful the way they treat him, and that he just rolls over and takes it. I also pointed out that their blatant disrespect of him makes me want to puke, especially when he doesn't put up with any of that from MY kids, or even from me!
An hour and a half later (after DH, myself, and my kids ate) the SK's show up. They stayed a whole freaking 20 min... not hungry because they already ate, but "Gee Dad, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it over here, with my gas tank being on "E" and all..." (they live 5 min away but apparently had enough gas to get them to where they had previously been on the other side of the city)
Of course, DH whips out the wallet and hands over some money. And a little extra so they can go to McDonalds. Then proceeds to tell them he bought them some sodas and snacks to take home with them TO BM'S HOUSE. Then proceeds to hand them a case of soda and some bags of their favorite chips. After they left, I mentioned it sure was lovely to see him become the wallet they always perceived him to be.
We were just getting to a point where DH had stopped molly-coddling the BM, and now I have to put up with this?
Ridiculous! My DH bought SD23
Ridiculous!
My DH bought SD23 gas once but he did not give her cash, he met her at the gas station and actually put gas in her car.
We took her to the Farmer's Market one day and DH gave her money for produce for her & her kids. She was not going to spend it! We had to make her buy fruits and veggies for her kids. We knew she would spend it on cigarettes or something stupid, otherwise. I told DH, IF we ever do that again, we will just buy the produce and give her some. He agreed.
She rarely comes to visit, though so I don't worry too much about it. He does give our 11 year niece money quite frequently, however, she is much wiser with money than SD! And she loves him whether he gives her money or not.
I can at least say that he
I can at least say that he used to be crabby towards me (of course) after his kids would pull this, but not anymore.
The last time he came at me sideways for no reason (other than his kids treating him like crap), I gave him the palm to his face and said, "You need to take a step back and think about WHO you are really angry with, and why, because I know it's NOT ME. If you want to kick me because of their behaviors, you're going to be kicking air."