After watching my SKs for over 2 years now, I am 100% convinced that they truly have never gotten over the effects of their parent's divorce.

SS is 18 - he acts hurt and almost tearful if he feels he doesn't get attention. Not all the time, but I've noticed that if DH and I are talking and he tries to butt in our conversation..which happens alot..and we don't hear or answer him, he walks away pouting because we didn't acknowledge him. He's a HUGE slob..if my DH has ever gotten in his face about it, SS whines to his mother who babies and coddles him by telling him to remember what a horrible temper his dad has and just ignore it. So SS will not ever clean his room, do his dishes, or wash his clothes BY HIMSELF..DH HAS to tell him to do it. Hell, I don't even know if SS has brushed his teeth this week. He hangs out with some of the hugest geeks I've ever seen in my life and all are minors. Kids he can boss around so he can have some sort of power over. I guarantee you if he hung out with the popular kids and he talked to them like he talks to these geeks, his head would be crushed.

Calls his sister "Sissy" and his mother "Mommy". It's nauseating. Truly nauseating. His sister has screwed him over HUGELY with a gigantic cell phone bill..tried to make him pay about $500 for 1 month's share of his bill due to her wanting to take a trip and she tried to get money out of him for it. So she lied about the bill. It took my DH screaming bloody murder at her over the phone for that deal to come to an end. YET - he feels his 'Sissy' is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

NOW - his sister...my SD...where do I start?

She is 19, just got married, had a baby before that...and is the most spoiled, manipulating, lying person I've ever met. And she's just like her mother. Where SS is childlike..SD is very outgoing and tells DH everything he wants to hear. Only problem is 90% of it is lies. I could go on and on for days on here the lies I've heard her come up with to get his attention but I won't. It's ridiculous.

She is also the same way..needs and wants attention. Calls my DH 'Daddy'. Acts hurt when you don't drop everything and run to her side. I've actually seen her get angry because my DH hugs me while she is talking..she stomped away mad and childlike.

Their mom and I are nothing alike..not in the slightest. The fact that I work, am known for being a good person, don't cheat, lie, steal...have warrants for my arrest nor rob gas stations...is a HUGE elephant to my SKs..especially my SD. Makes her mother look horrible because DH's family brags about me to her..tells them how grateful they are that DH found someone like me. She may smile but inside I know it hurts her. Why else would she drudge up cute little stories of her mother and father right in front of me? DH has gotten to the point of barely acknowledging her and tell her that was a long time ago. She acts hurt because he won't get into a conversation with her about her parent's memories.

Both SKs desire attention like a small child would - it's so obvious that I'd have to be Stevie Wonder to not see it. They both have told me that their parents got into hellacious fights. How horrible it was to live that way.

I guess my thing about all this -

GROW THE HELL UP!!!

Seriously...both these kids are over 18..'Mommy' and 'Daddy' aren't together anymore. SS is old enough that no one needs to hold his hand and SD is married with a child...so again...grow up!

I'm tired of hearing of what used to be..my life is the present and the future. I'm sorry their parents didn't work out, but I'm not willing to keep sitting and listening to their whining. Even DH's family has told me these kids leave their mother alive and kicking in our relationship.

Since both are adults now, I see no reason whatsoever DH and BM should ever have to talk. SS lives with us and BM doesn't pay a dime in support. He has his own cell phone so he can communicate with his mother that way.

But I've watched both kids come up with various reasons for their parents to have to talk..very stupid reasons. DH usually doesn't talk to her about anything anymore, but I'll catch little things still coming out of their mouths to try to get DH to call her.

I look at it like these are 2 kids that be happy because their mother cheated on their father continually. There were fights in their home BECAUSE of that. And I'm sure they felt left out because as we all know if you're relationship is in trouble, you are out of sorts and may not be paying total attention to your kids.

I say that because I've been there..but my daughter is 20 and does NOT act like these 2 do. It's clear that they crave attention and I know a lot of it's over being spoiled rotten. DH overcompensated over his divorce and still does. If SD does something wrong...to him, it's all due to the BM. Well no...not really...SD is making her own choices as an adult and can lie easily..she is acting out on her own. She is not 2. I can't stand the BM but her kids are old enough to know better than to act like a child.

DH actually said yesterday that he used to have such a soft spot for his daughter..she was his princess. Then thought for a second and said "I can see where that shit got me". All I could think of was "Yep...a selfish, self centered, self-entitled, and spoiled brat". She played him like a fiddle before, during, and after his divorce from her mother. And still does.

Guess I'm just venting..I can see how these kids could be hurt for the turmoil that went on with their parents..

..and I'm just thinking out loud here..but when is enough - enough?

When does the past become the past? I'm not asking for these kids to forget their mother..oh hell no! But she is not a part of my life with my DH..they are adults and I hope they've settled into an adult child/mother type relationship. BM does NOT have to be in our lives for this to happen.

Why is it fair that if a child is still feeling the affects of their parents divorce that it makes it okay to mistreat the new person in their parent's life? It is NOT okay. And I really hate the fact that I've had to listen to my DH try to justify SD's behavior due to being with her mother so much. I could almost bet is SS was with his mother full time too, he'd be worse than what he is now..which is a nightmare.

Sorry for the book...just feeling very 'deep' tonight for some reason. I just see my SS walk around with puppy dog eyes and a pouty lip way too much I think here lately as he follows his dad around our house. A grown man that can't wash his dishes, do his laundry, or clean his room without my DH screaming and cursing at him at the top of his lungs most of the time. And after all that screaming..I watch my DH clean up after his grown son. Something wrong there...it's what you call overcompensating...STILL. God forbid SS be told to clean..he may get angry and want to move to his mom's because she cleans and cooks for him..and cleans up his mess. Never has him lift a finger. Must be nice to not work, sleep to 2 pm, and receive a disability check..sell your prescribed narcotics on the street...and still have time to allow your kids to act like their 2...

...and be okay with it.

Sorry for the book..lol...thoughs?