I am new to the forums, although I have been reading them for a few weeks already.  Coles notes of my background: married for 28 years, now separated for almost 4 years.  DS28, DS26 and DD21.  Living with SO for 2 years, and now have SS23 (SO has not lived with or had custody access since child was 5), SS16 and SD13.  All of our kids get along great.  My kids are all independent, Skids are with us about 50% of the time.  BM is self entitled, controlling, strict and often comes across as a man hater.  The breakdown of SO's marriage was nasty, and he gave up way more than he should, just to have 50/50 access to the kids.  I have, from the start, tried to be respectful of the BM, her role, and the Skids.  At first, BM was Leary of me, as the Skids took to me right away.  SO had to tell BM that I would never attempt to replace her.  I do attend all school activities,  sports and whatnot.  However, I do not feel it is my place to attend such things as counseling sessions, family meals, or parent/teacher interviews, etc.  I do not give Skids chores, as I feel that is SO's place as a parent to dole out chores.

Recently, BM sent SO a text, upset because his father was being rude and disrespectful to her.  There had been a chance meeting with the BM, SS16 and SO's father.  The father spoke to SS16, but not to BM, and now BM is upset.  The breakdown of the marriage included alot of negative communication between BM and SO's parents.  Father has never forgiven her, and refuses to speak to BM until she issues an apology.  BM feels time has passed, and all should be forgotten.  Funny thing is though.....whenever we are at children's activities, I always say hello to BM, but get ignored.  BM will speak to SO, usually about plans or little anecdotes regarding the kids.  I am not included in those conversations, and usually see the BM's back turned to me (woohoo).  I pointed out to SO that she is upset for not being recognized by the father, yet she does the exact same thing to me on a weekly basis.  SO wont inform her of this fact, and actually appeased her by saying he would "talk" to his father.  

So, my question to others is this: should I be upset that SO wont talk to her about her behaviour towards me, especially since she is demanding recognition from the father??   I dont want SO or the Skids to suffer her wrath because of this, because I know she will suddenly find excuses as to why the Skids cant spend more days with us.