SD14 has turned into a Monster need Advice why
When I first Met SD14 she was 9 and sweet friendly as can be. She’s always been Immature And slightly annoying but nothing like she is now. I would say she started to change around middle school or 6th grade and getting worse by the day. Her grades now are bad because she refuses to do homework or Lies about it. She’s getting Mouthy with the teachers also. The biggest problem is her total Disrespect and rudeness towards DH and I. She is Constantly challenging us and encouraging her younger brother to not listen to us. If DH or I am talking to SS about something SD will butt in like a “mother” and try and Interfere. If DH tells her to mind her own Business or stay out of it SD will say NO and either keep Arguing with DH or pull SS away up to her room where she will try and turn SS Against us. Yes DH is partly to blame as he does not Punish her for this but his parenting has always been the same and she never did this before. I’m not sure how DH would even punish her as she refuses to do anything he says. It’s not like he can drag her up there or spank her unless he wants to go to jail. Also SD is always sneaking around hiding behind doors/corners trying to listen in on DH and my Conversations. It’s Creepy as hell. Both DH and BM HATE each other so I’m sure BM has some part in this.
Yes I know pre-teens/teens can be mouthy but this seems Excessive to me. As she gets older will it get better? What would cause a sweet friendly kid to turn so rotten???? Younger SS who is only 7 is already a mouthy brat I can’t Imagine what he’s going to be like as a teen.
This behavior, other than
This behavior, other than manipulating her brother, is pretty spot on for a young teen. We've gone through the horrible grades, eavesdropping, and increased rudeness at this age too.
What would cause a sweet friendly kid to turn so rotten????--- Hormones
Your DH needs to disciple her
Your DH needs to disciple her and correct the behavior.
You may not be able to lock her in her room but you can definitely take phone, computer, TV, etc away. Can also ground her from going out with friends.
Unless he begins to correct this it won't get better. Doesn't matter if BM is involved or not she will be a monster in your home.
For example - she interrupts while your DH is talking to SS. First give a wanting, this is none of your business and if you do not walk away xyz will happen. If she continues then xyz MUST take place. No idle threats it happens!
Yes, all teens go through
Yes, all teens go through hormonal changes and can be grumpy little hairballs. But your DH is failing as a parent by not addressing it. "How would he even punish her?" Seriously? Does she have a phone? Tv? Internet access? A door on her room? I can think of at least 20 consequences for rude/disrespectful behavior.
Yes ^^^^!
Yes ^^^^!
Especially with a teen! But my guess is daddy dearest doesn't want to 'alienate' his little girl because he is afraid she won't want to come over anymore, wah wah wah.
So instead everyone just has to 'deal with it' or he will turn it into the long dreaded 'you juse hate my kid' excuse.
As is a common theme here, OP has a DH problem, one who refuses to actually parent.
I agree with the others
My SD was 7 when we met, like yours very friendly, kind of annoying bc her father didnt really set limits, but sweet. That started to change around 11-12, middle school, where she became mouthy and disrespectful to DH. He never gave consequences, and now if you read my blogs you will see things are not great. DH and BM got along for the most part over the years, but in the last couple BM has come to SDs "rescue" several times and often undermines DH and what we set for our household. It has resulted in SD having little respect for him and us, so now that some things have happened that he realizes needs consequences, she ran to her mother's rather than face them. But still calls or drops by when she wants something. It is a very one sided "relationship" at the moment. I would say it is important to start applying consequences now, otherwise things are likely to keep escalating. I wish my DH had been consistent from the beginning,but like the others said, he struggles with alienating his daughter and it was easier at the time for him to ignore things
Holy moly did everyone call this
Yep DH does not want to upset SD if fear of losing her. Both DH and BM want to be the “favorite” parent so Neither want to Discipline SD and DH knows SD will run back to mommy and complain. Instead of backing DH, BM will back SD so nothing will ever happen to SD. BM purchased SD phone so there would be holy hell to pay from both SD AND BM if DH took it away for Punishment. DH is a wuss and just does not want to deal with BM and her bitching.
Time to disengage
There nothing you can do. Just make sure that none of your money goes to SD. That you do nothing with SD. That you are never left alone with her. You do not cook ,or clean up for her. You don’t take her any place,no trips or vacations for her until she gets in line. No legual fees when she gets into trouble. Not your problem, not your kid
What would cause a sweet
What would cause a sweet friendly kid to turn so rotten????
Years of not parenting, implementing consequences and following through consistently will cause you to have a rotten child. 14 years of allowing poor behavior and now your H wants to try and fix it. He's going to have his work cut out for him.
Also it doesn't matter how old she is, she can be disciplined and have consequences. How about sending her to her room with no phone, wifi, tablet, tv and just do school work. There are ways to show her that you mean business....it won't be easy after years of not addressing poor behavior but it is possible.
This is just pathetic. She
This is just pathetic. She drags SS away to pollute him with her toxic bullshit without consequence.
Time for this toxic 14yo to know what an escalating state of misery is. So, deliver misery. Remove any semblance of enjoyment from her life. No socializing, no phone, computer, TV, games, etc.... Replace her wardrobe with the fruits of a trip to Goodwill. Public humiliation is a great behavior modifier. Send her to school in 1970s sweats and let her peers have a run at her.
Until there is zero tolerance of her she will continue this crap. At 14 she is far beyond old enough to know right from wrong and to know the pain of consequence for her crappy behavior.
14 is probably at the tail end of appropriate age for spanking but for this crap, light her ass up!
Use every tool and leverage available to give her clarity and end her shit.