...but I cannot agree with that.

DH told me that he feels 19yoSD wouldn't be the lying manipulator she is today if he had put a better influence in his daughter's life a long time ago. Instead..like me..he stayed in a marriage with a spouse that cheated and disrespected him horribly..and his daughter watched the master at work and slowly became her mother. Didn't happen overnight..took some time, but it happened.

What I tried to tell him is that BM will ALWAYS be an influence. I don't care if he had went out and gotten Snow White as a girlfriend for a while..her clean image wouldn't be able to compete with the excitement of SD's mother. My SS wouldn't be swayed either. They are BOTH convinced mommy does no wrong. And it's mainly because she SAYS she does no wrong.

It does not matter how good of an influence you put in your child's life, their biological parent will somehow overshadow things. Especially if she's a master like our BM. And how she is totally the master. If I give her any credit, it's that. She could manipulate a blind, deaf, and mute person without breaking a sweat. And SD has become the same way.

Face it...BM IS their mother. She gave birth to them. She has her kids convinced she's dying of cancer...which is a HUGE lie..she was so mistreated by my DH in her marriage according to her and her kids honestly believe their father is a jealous, controlling man. They have told me that a few times. I ask them why they think it and they say because of the huge fights their parents used to get into. It was always because my DH was an out of control jealous crazy man. I've never seen that side of him..ever.

When I've talked to DH about it, he said most of their fights were where he found his ex in compromising positions and she tried to put it back on him..one of his relatives told me once about how one of his son's young friends was over when my DH was married to the BM and he watched as she flirted with an underage boy and had the boy really convinced she was sexually wanting him..DH came home from work and found the 2 of them practically groping each other. DH threw a fit and threw the kid out and went off on his ex wife. These are the kinds of things he had in his life with this woman..and many people saw how he struggled with her and his marriage.

So there is NO way in hell that another woman could have saved his daughter..I just don't believe it. They are as thick as thieves and I think she would jump off the nearest bridge if mommy asked her to. BM will ALWAYS be an influence on that girl no matter what.

IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE WILLINGNESS OF THE CHILD TO LEARN TO LOVE ANOTHER PERSON...REGARDLESS OF THE MENTALITY OR BEHAVIOR OF THE BM/BF. IT'S ALL ON HOW WELL THE CHILD IS WILLING TO ACCEPT A NEW PERSON.

Let's face it..my DH and I make each other extremely happy. And you'd think his daughter would be ecstatic that her father found a woman that treats him so well. But because she really believes her mother she doesn't see me as the person that helped him live again. Because of her mother's influence, she sees me as the person who took her daddy away.

IT'S ALL SHE KNOWS..the disfunction. As long as her mother was treating her father badly she could function. She could center herself in the drama because that's where she shined the most. Her parents didn't have a good relationship so SD pretty much got away with murder. Now that her dad is happy and settled in a relationship with me and there's no drama..I feel SD doesn't know her place anymore. So she's happiest being around her mother because drama follows her everywhere. Because her dad no longer has her mother's disfunction in his life, SD's lies and manipulations are VERY prominent. She outshines our happiness but not in a good way...make sense?

And I honestly think she's lost in the world that has become hers. She no longer has the safely net she had when she was younger. And add to that she's now married with a baby...and then married into a family that I can tell won't take at all kindly to her lies and manipulations...well let's just say my SD is either gonna spiral out of control because her BS just won't be tolerated and she so desperately needs that...or she's going to end up growing up out of all this.

Time will tell I guess...