SD going to court and using me and my kids as an excuse to not live with her parents
https://www.steptalk.org/forum/general-discussion/sd-doesnt-want-anythin...
Hello everyone. I had posted on here years ago but when I cleared everything from my laptop everything was erased and I forgot the name of the site. Here it is years later and this is what's been going on:
Yesterday my DH called me and said that SD is using my kids and I in a court case to prove that she has suffered from childhood trauma because of what she claims went on in our house she's using it as a means to live with her Grandmother.
She doesn't want to live with DH and she doesn't want to live with her mom. Right now DH and I live separately because of SD's lies. I choose to step away because SD has always given me the cold shoulder and act as if she doesn't want me around her.
She has told so many lies on both DH and I and now she's lying on her mom to the point where it is getting dangerous.
She called CPS and said that her mom was mistreating her and CPS took her from the house to live with her Grandmother. Now her Grandmother is fighting for custody of her and has SD living with her for now.
Yesterday DH called me and said that SD is using the past to win her court case so that she doesn't have to live with him. She asked him to testify as a witness of what went on in our home over the years. In court she told a bunch of lies saying that my kids were mean to her, hit her and went as far as saying that one of my kids touched her inappropriately. She said that I never liked her as a child and was cold hearted towards her. This can not be further from the truth. I treated SD as if she were my own daughter. The problem is she is the only child so went I came along and married her dad I had 2 kids that took a liking to him and he likes them back. They treat him like a dad and respect him. SD told my kids "I feel like you guys are taking my dad away from me" She started exhibiting the same behavior towards her mom as she did with me years in ago. DH told me that she stays in her room day after day and only comes out to eat. She gives her mom the silent treatment and refuses to listen to anything she says. There was a time when she got CPS involved in 2019 because I told her that she couldn't eat 3 sandwiches she had already had 2 plus a bag of chips and Mac and Cheese so she called her Aunt and said that I refused to let her eat. She said that she hadn't eaten in days. Her Aunt called CPS and they told me that they had a report of a child locked in a room starving. I told them that it wasn't true and that she's allowed to eat anytime but I did not allow her to overstuff herself. I have done nothing but be good to SD and all she's done in return is lie on me and make up false stories. Her dad has tried to be close to her and she turns away from him too. Why is she doing this? What does she have against me to make these claims? I honestly wish that I never was a step parent.
went back in time
And read your post. I had wondered why you never responded to the comments and questions!
Thanks for clearing up the mystery.
SD has become a danger to you and your family with her accusations. Although I am a proponent of believing the victim, I also know that lies are told and manipulations are made so that children can "get what they want' whatever that is and many times do not understand the repercussions fully.
I would not fight this. Let her live with Gma. Im assuming that you no longer have visitation.
She sounds sick and probably is not doing therapy.
Document everything possible to protect yourself and your children.
If she wants visitation down the road "because gma is mean and abusive" carefuly consider that she is a danger and you could have your bio children taken away.
How old is Sd now?
SD will be 16 soon
SD will be 16 soon
IMHO.. if you are living
IMHO.. if you are living separately from your DH.. why would any of the issues with your kids or you be any reason she could not live with him.
I am assuming she is around 16 correct?
If she has been living with her GMA with no apparent issues.. what is the problem with allowing that to continue? Is grandma trying to get child support (he should be paying support as BM should also be paying support to grandma).?
Generally I think parents should raise and deal with their own kids.. but sometimes extreme situations.. where there is estrangement if there are other options.. like grandma.. maybe it's just as well if that situation continues.. she is at least 16 from what I can tell.. less than 2 years and she is an adult.. not sure what the cost of fighting this would be.
In her mind.. some of the "abuse" was probably real.. and some of it exaggerated (like the sandwich incident)..
I might suggest counseling for your DH and his daughter... as in he can let Gma have physical custody.. but he isn't exiting her life.
Her Grandmother is trying to
Her Grandmother is trying to fully adopt her and get a check for having her live there. DH told me that his ex said it's about money and control. The grandmother is by the way DH's ex mom. The problem is SD's lying she's lied on me, my kids, her mom and her dad. Her dad showed me a clip of her on social media picking an argument with him on the phone and recording him screaming at her then uploading it onto her Facebook page and telling her followers "This is how my dad treats me. It's so wrong" I'm just worried that she will not get her way with her grandmother and start lying on her.
What does Granny say about
What does Granny say about this?
She wants her to stay she's
She wants her to stay she's fighting for custody so that she can adopt her and get a check. It's about money to her. DH's ex said that she couldn't control what went on in her house so now she's trying to control her daughter.
The state may well come after
The state may well come after your DH and his EX for support money to pay grandma.
now.. if gmas is the legit best place for her.. I don't know that she has to adopt her.. why not just have the parents pay support pmts to grandma.. ?
or is this some scammy way to suck off the govt and get them to pay her money to take care of her grandmother?
She clearly has nothing
She clearly has nothing legitimate against you or anyone else to make these claims. She is a toxic shit spawn from hell. End of analysis. Go for the court driven exorcism of her toxic lies.
A "victim" without proof... is as likely a liar as a victim. Where both sides can be heard, neither the accused perpetrator, nor the accuser victim should be believed until bothsides rest their case.
If this kid was proven to be trustworthy and accusing an unrelated person, sure believe and support her. However, she is known to be a lying POS and is accusing family. Everyone, including this shit spawn lying accuser, knows she is full of shit.
Why she is doing what she is doing does not matter. What she is doing does matter, it is criminal, and she needs to be gutted and subdued in court. So, sure, let her call daddy as a witness and let daddy gut her in front of the court by being clear that her claims are prevarications, never happened, have no legitimacy, and she needs the court to put a foot up her ass and send her back to her parents with her hell spawned lizard tail firmly pinned between her legs.
Once the Judge rules, let this little weenus devil lizard know that if she repeats these things once she is 18 she is going to face criminal and civil consequences for her lies. Set her up to stay the hell in line and keep her reptile demon lips sealed. Balance that message by letting her know that if she engages as a family member respectfully and without the lies and manipulation, she is in. In or out, her choice. It is on everyone else to deliver on her choice. Either way. All while never trusting her. She has abandoned being trustworthy for life IMHO. No one should forget that. Ever.
You likely will never know why she is lying but she is a kid so it is likely not overly complex. She isn't getting her way, schools are filling kids with bullshit about their fee fees being important and that they are people with a say. Which they are not. They become a people and get a say when they turn 18, graduated from HS, and become self sufficient. Until then, they are parasites who should be treated in alignment with their behavior when it comes to a pleasant life Vs a life of escalating scathing abject misery.
If I were you, daddy, and BM, I would go in as a truth and fact focused adult coalition to shred this shit spawned demon turd and her inferfering Harpy of a grandma. Make sure when you get done they are both snivvling corner dwelling bubbling puddles of known lying effluent protoplasm.
IMHO the goal has to be the truth and facts and getting this kid firmly put in her place using the court action she initiated and to get grandma completely shunned from any interface with the family including her GK(s). Once the Judge shuts the spawn down, mom and dad can purge grandma from the picture completely. I would. If the kid(s) want to interface with her as adults, that is their choice. Though they should be fully force fed the facts about Grandma so they are fully informed about her.
Grrrrrrr!
Please update with the hearing outcome.
Don't forget to take care of yourself through all of this.
Hmmmm? After reading your link to your 2018 post, she is ~16. I would be ready, once you gut her in court, to submit a request for forced emancipation of this turd if it looks like gramma will get custody. That way, there is no financial support for SD or financial benefit to gramma. Once forced emancipation is COd, she is not an adult for things like drinking age, legal consumption of canabis, voting, etc... Those things are age specific whether the kid is emancipated or not. So, if she is forcibly emancipated and spouts this shit again, ever, nail her ass with a defamation suit. Even is she is only 16. Emancipation comes with responsibilities and liabilities.
I am so angry for you, DH, and BM. And for your kids. Go for their throats. SD and gramma need to bleed out in pain IMHO. Allegorically of course.
One question - what are you
One question - what are you hoping for as an outcome, what do you think ought to happen?
Are you sure DH and BM will be liable for payments?
At least where I am, if the parents lose the custody of the child and the child goes into care AKA is looked after the state, parents pay nothing. Being placed with a kinship carer (a relative) is still a foster care placement, the child is still ward of the state, the state pays for everything, while they live with a carer. Adoption is where the child is yours - while you might get some initial support, very soon he/she becomes your responsibility entirely. You pay for everything.
First of all
You can not have SD living with you. You don't want a court case against you and your kids. SD is mentally unstable and needs help first. I think it's good that GM is stepping up. If you pay her CS, it's doesn't matter. You are going to have to pay someone CS. Even is SD goes into Forster care they still charge CS, If they can.
Getting away from this toxic person is the only way out for now and tge next few years. At 16 she has only two more years until adult , GM is opening up for college payment. And support until 26. 'Getting the right to adopt SD is not going to be easy if you fight her. The cost of lawyers, courts, ect is going into tge 10 of thousand of $.
'is worth fighting this? for what going to be a year after court case When you can not win. You win to keep someone you don't like