SD 9 is really getting to me
I really just need to vent.... Yesterday I broke down crying and I told my DH I don't know if I can do this anymore. For 3years now I have been full time mommy to his 2 children and of course my 4 children. He works 12 hours a day so he gets the older kids off to school and the rest of the day and night is up to me for the children BM has nothing to do with her children honestly my two SD's have 2 brothers that biologically aren't my DH's but when I found that she was shipping one son to West Virginia for Christmas and the other son wouldn't have a Christmas because she cheated on her 12th fiancé and he left her and she now didn't have money her or her new BF we took him in for 2 weeks so he could have a Christmas and we have not received anything from her since she didn't even call her kids Christmas day anyway long story short she's a real pos so when it was convenient for her and she did take the two girls it was never good she told my SD 9 I was just a babysitter for DH and yes DH got on her for it but that doesn't matter my SD is so manipulative just like her birth giver she has told me I'm just a babysitter and now my other SD 3 (yes I've had her since she was barley a year old and they BOTH CHOOSE to call me mommy) well now she's telling me I'm not her boss. If DH's mom comes and picks the two girls up SD 3 always comes back with her hair cut and SD 9 has cut on her hair if SD 3 gets in to trouble SD 9 babys her SD 9 has started to really smart off to me she has even kicked me one time she is so dramatic about everything and it's gotten to the point to where if I say no to something she waits for DH to get off work and sneaks and asks him without me hearing she is always trying to sneak and ask him things where I can't hear them she goes to DH moms house and spanks SD3 we have asked DH's mom not to let her play the mommy role with SD3 (I feel she's already confused enough) SD9 is always taking my daughters gifts and what not she's teaching my two girls how to act this way and I don't appreiciate it. She goes and tells her teacher how high my expectations for her are ( I ask them to do their school work take it seriously and keep their rooms picked up) everybody babies this girl but nobody sees her true colors she's always pushing SD3 out of her way never wants to play with her unless she's in trouble then she wants to baby her as soon as DH walks trough the door he doesn't even have time to take his coat off and SD9 is up his butt following him around and it doesn't stop until she goes to bed. I really don't know how much more of this child I can take I just wish their mother would get her stuff together not trying to sound mean but we can have just his 2 kids and our house is chaotic but if it's just my 4 children we can all laugh and play no problems all day but as soon as they get home all hell breaks loose and DH is all frustrated and cranky and their goes the good mood he would much rather take MY children out in public than his own and I have tried to get these girls right but honestly they have no respect for me at all I can tell SD9 to do something and she acts as if I never said a word please help me I love my DH so very much he's been really good to me and my children and I just want his children to respect and listen to me it would make the house run so much smoother.....
She gets after SD3 because
She gets after SD3 because this is the role she plays at her mothers place. She is expected to take care of SD3 and in return she gets the 'good stuff' whether that is praise or gifts or privileges.
All the behaviour sheis exhibiting is either attention seeking or learned behaviour. If you take a puppy and allow it to mess in the house that behaviour is its 'normal'. Same with this 9 yr old. She is 'allowed' to behave like this and the only people who can stop it are the adults in her world.
First, the school. Visit her teacher/s and say that you are concerned she is giving the school the wrong impression of you. You expect ALL the children to work hard at school and do their best. Also as you have 6 kids in the house EVERYONE picks up after themselves. I bet the teachers hear the same sob story from kids EVERY day. My son once told his teacher I MADE him clean his room before allowing him to do his homework. No, I told him he had to clean his room AND do his homework before watching TV.
2nd, I would chat with her dad and ask him "Honey, when she comes and tattle tales I would love it if you would check with me first before offering sympathy or disciplining someone else. She has picked up some bad habits from her mother (he will not disagree with you THERE!)and if you aren't here she calls me the babysitter. I am the one stable female in her life with her every day and you know it!"
And the next time Miss9goingon18 gets a little snotty with you say something like this.."No I am not a babaysitter because a babysitter would get paid. I don't get paid unless your mother would like to pay me. I am in charge when your father isn't here. And if you continue to tell lies about me then one day you will REALLY need help and no one will believe you."
She is pushing your buttons because she KNOWS you aren't going anywhere whereas her mother is in and out of her life. In fact I would suggest she sees a therapist. And the next time she spanks her sister she is put in her room without entertainment or she loses the right to watch TV/DVDs that evening.
She goes from her mother's place where she is the mother to your place where she is only 9 and one of 6. My OSS used to boss around his brother around and was allowed at his mother's place but not at ours. It is confusing for the kid.
You are absolutely correct
You are absolutely correct and when she gets that way I do put her in her room and ground her from the tv toys etc but when I do she acts as if I have beat her and I haven't even spanked these children I believe that kids do learn what they see and hitting them is teaching them to hit as for her teacher this teacher has known me since my oldest son was in kindergarten and I told her that my expectations for SD9 are no different than I held for my two sons she really doesn't see her mom that much but her grandmother is the same way as BM just doesn't do the drugs BM does so should I tell DH his mom is the problem I don't want drama with my in laws but I just can't take it this girl is not the angel they claim her to be and grandma gives her everything she wants "because she's been through so much" I understand she's been through a lot but in life you don't get what you want because you've been through a lot of things and why does grandma favor SD9 over SD 3 maybe with grandma doing this sister is pushing her away too??? I'm not sure but thanks for the advice I will check into therapy for her hopefully this will get resolved and we can all be happy!!