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School holiday help

Bailsgd18's picture

Submitted by Bailsgd18 on Sun, 08/08/2021 - 5:23am

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General Discussion

I need help / opinions  I don't know what's wrong with me 

 

so Iwe have been together for 3 years in total he had a daughter age 4  after the birth of our son so genetic medical conditions came out in our son that any child of his should have aswell 

 

it's been made clear that the girl is not his however he won't confront the mother as he feels she will get anger and take the child away from him  he is on the birth certificate anyway that's a side note 

 

The child mother told my husband she was going on holiday so he would need to have her this week with two days notice he can only get two days off work one of witch was for a hospital appoiment for our son to decide if she needs another operation  he now can't go to this appoiment so I will have to go on my own 

he has arranged for his mother to look after the girl while he is at work  I have refused as I have things planned  doctors appoiment hospital appoiment and seeing my mum don't get to see her very often due to distance  

 

the reason I refused to look after her is because she is a brat she will point blank ignore me do what ever she wants  I just don't have the time or energy to deal with her when I'm looking after my boy only 4 months 

 

back to the mother in law she will be staying for 3 days to look after the girl  this woman already hates me I have no idea why  so I've been trying to run round the house to make it just right for her I've Stupidly exhausted myself doing that

 

ive had to cancel a turma therapy appoiment because I can't do it with the girl or the mother in law in the house  so I'm stressing over that  the girl has only been here since Friday night myself and my husband are exsorsted for dealing with her  and  she's got another 8 days here we have had 4 arguments already  we only argue when she is here 

 

when we crawled into bed last night he asked for relations I told him no not intill she has gone I'm Exhausted and stressed and he thinks I can really most be joking 

 

Any help/ advice would be appreciated 

 

 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sun, 08/08/2021 - 6:02am

1. Why did he say he'd take her at such short notice in the first place? He had two perfectly good reasons - he can't take time off at short notice and he was already booked for a hospital session with your son. IMO, both of those trump bm waltzing off for an unplanned holiday. 

2. Why isn't the MIL taking care of her in her own home? 

3. Was your therapy session goingt o be in your home? If not, then why did you cancel it?

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sun, 08/08/2021 - 5:00pm

Take care of his DD. Or he finds childcare, Not you, Not in your home.  He can take her to work, to camp,, 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 08/08/2021 - 11:14pm

Whether the kid in question is their BK or not.

The normal childcare and parental responsibility dynamics cease to exist at the point that the failed family ceases to include a marriage or a long term adult relationship.

No applies most notably when it is the CP who is attempting to dump the kid on the NCP.  The NCP can refuse visitation at will and the CP is on the hook for the care and feeding of the kid when the NCP declines visitation.

In this case BM needs to go to her family for childcare of the SKid so she can go on her vacation. Or... she forfeits her vacation.

DH's work responsibilities and duties to his marriage, home, and family trump BM's vacation. PERIOD. DOT.

IMHO of course.

As for BM saddling your DH with a child that is not his.... time for the facts to regularly enter the discussion dynamic with BM and in a few years..... the Skid should be seasoned with those facts as well.  Kids should know the facts. Particularly as they apply to a manipulative lying parent who manipulates the kid and their X.

Lather............. rinse.................. repeat.

IMHO of course.

CocoL85's picture

Submitted by CocoL85 on Tue, 06/27/2023 - 7:26am

#1. Genetics are a funny thing....personally, I would facilitate a DNA paternity test. It is far more difficult to ignore evidence when it's staring at you in black and white. If the daughter is not his then he can petition to court to be removed from the birth certificate. Every child has the right to know their real parents when they are ready and the truth will out eventually but better it"s done now. 

#2. Request social services intervention for support. The mother cant just foist her child onto your care, in your home, without your consent. Sit your partner down and tell him to grow a pair and set strict boundaries. If hes not home, then the child does not visit. This is only pertinent if the paternity shows he is the father. If he isnt, then refer back to point 1....not his crotch demon, not his problem.

Hope you get this resolved

notarelative's picture

Submitted by notarelative on Tue, 06/27/2023 - 8:05am

I can understand his reluctance to not confirm the paternity of child #1. I'm not sure it's wise, but I get the complicated feelings. But, missing the important doctor appointment is not acceptable on any level. 
If his mother is going to be there, why can't she watch the older child while he goes to the appointment?