This really irks me !! Rant
Sorry if this is long but I just have to vent. I tried talking to my mom about this the other day, but she ALWAYS puts a positive spin on anything and tries to downplay everything. My DH is great, fantastic father to our kids, great husband, he has his issues, but who doesn't. So one thing thats been REALLY irking me lately is 1. that my DH doesn't give credit when its due (unless its about him) and 2. Tries to play himself up to his family.
With situation 1, the other day I made a comment about how much laundry I've gotten done and DH says "well I wouldn't go that far, it wasn't that many loads but you have done a lot" So I told him if I had said my DH had done 40 loads of laundry that he would have agreed. Its always credit for himself and downplaying what I do.
Now to my 2nd point, my MIL is very 1950s. I think she's a great woman and she will do anything for anyone. So the other day, she tells my DH that his "only job is to work and come home and he shouldn't be doing anything else" (like help with kids, cook, clean, etc) Both my DH and I are self employed. I work from home however last year I worked and my DH took a lot of time off work and had his employees mostly do everything, so he had A LOT of free time.
Often when MIL comes over it'll go like this
DH: Oh the other day I cooked this (blah blah blah)
MIL: YOU cooked ???!!!
DH has this stupid smirk on his face
DH: I baked this the other day
MIL: YOU baked ?!?! Why are you doing the baking ?!?!
I cook a lot and my DH cooks a lot, but I also find it hilarious when his family comes over, he will RUN to the kitchen to start cooking dinner, as an attempt to show them "see I do everything around here". He'll go on and on about how HE cleaned the living room, or that HE cleaned for 3 hours the other day. Yet he's forgetting that those 6 nights out of 7 I cooked, or those 3 hours he cleaned I was cleaning right there with him. It's just annoying.
Its getting me to the point, especially when my MIL makes snide comments that I am pulling away from her and she has it in her head that DH is constantly working, and having to do all the cooking and cleaning.
I told my DH that Im getting tired of him making it seem like I don't do anything, when I work my butt off with my business, and worked a lot harder than him last year. Also when SD comes over its the same thing. Im too the point where I don't know whether to just leave or go somewhere else when family comes over? Or just start piling it on when they comes here "Gosh DH its amazing you work all day, and do all the cooking and cleaning, MIL its amazing DH does everything and I don't do anything he's so great"
End of rant sorry its so long.
We just had dinner with
We just had dinner with friends Sunday night - my BFF and her DH and their kids. My BFFs MIL and FIL came too. And my BFF totally outed her DH for doing the same thing: getting the kids' plates of food ready, running to pick up dishes, wiping the counters, loading the dishwasher, etc. She said to him, yelled really (in front of her MIL and FIL): "Why are you doing this? You NEVER do this. You don't even know where we keep the sponges to wipe down the counter or how to work the new dishwasher that is over a year old!!" Her DH looked sheepish but didn't deny she was right. But the MIL and FIL? They were pissed my BFF dared call their precious son out on his obvious attempts to impress people by doing things around the house, which he rarely does (both my BFF and her DH work full time outside the home).
You're not alone, omgsaveme.
Its great to know Im not
Its great to know Im not alone. I don't get why some men do this crap, he can compliment me on my looks, thanks me for dinner and I will admit that there's been periods where he will do most of the cooking and cleaning. However if Im working all day everyday 7 days a week for 12 hours albeit from home, I would hope you would do that stuff. Now he's been working out of the house a lot and I've been doing 99 percent of the cooking and cleaning. I don't mind at all but don't make it seem as if you're the only one that does it.
Maybe thats what I should do is to call him out, next time they are over. However then its me looking like the frigid bitch. Sighs…such is life
I would tell your MIL that in
I would tell your MIL that in the 1950's women didn't work and bring home a paycheque. They had all day to cook and clean. If you work and bring home a paycheque (which according to your MIL is DH's job) then the household chores should be shared!
Your MIL is NOT a nice person
Your MIL is NOT a nice person if she's making snide comments to her DIL. And your DH is passive aggressive. Seems like he thinks you don't do enough and he's sending you a message by his actions. I would lay it all on the table and tell him to either let you know exactly what he wants you to do or cut the shit. And tell your MIL to zip it. YOU are the woman of the house , just as she was when she was a young wife; you have all the "power" in this situation; don't give it away. My MIL is a battleaxe but we get along great, she's more of a mom to me than my own mom. I got married at 19, but I was smart enough to build some boundaries with her right away. Don't let them take away your voice.
Great point, I have noticed
Great point, I have noticed lately that her and DH are passive aggressive, it runs in their family. SD is also the same way. I am going to start calling her on it, when she says things. Im also going to call my DH out, cause its gotten old really fast. Im the type of person to say what I have to say, bluntly, and move on.
My DH knows damn well I do a lot, but he always had these exes that didn't do shit and in his eyes he did everything ( so he says). So with me I find when I start cleaning, he has to run and start cleaning. Before when I would cook, he would try to take over. Now after she made that last comment, he's been making it a point to sit his ass down whenever I start cooking or cleaning and waits for his plate to be brought to him (ha). Unless they are here, then he does his usual make it seem like Im the one who's doing everything.
"I told my DH that Im getting
"I told my DH that Im getting tired of him making it seem like I don't do anything, when I work my butt off with my business, and worked a lot harder than him last year."
What was his response to that? Did he acknowledge that you were right, or did he argue the point? My DH will do this sometimes too, and I've called him out only to hear "But I DO do everything!" Only if I then list all the crap I did and compare to what he did does he realize that we contribute (mostly) equally.
I did once (when we were having some issues with his perception of how much we both did) send him (and my sisters!) an email that went something like this:
What I did this morning before work:
Changed babies' diapers
Got 3 kids dressed
Served breakfast to 3 kids
Refereed a "fork fight"
Folded clothes from dryer
Started new load in washer
Washed breakfast dishes
Cleaned kitchen table
Vacuumed under kitchen table
Applied band-aid and kisses after "fork fight"
Got dressed
What DH did this morning before work:
Watched TV
It got the point across.
He says "no no I told my mom
He says "no no I told my mom that you've been working a lot with your business"
My DH usually works his ass off, I was always telling him ,he has employees to take care of the work, he doesn't have to bust his ass all day, thats why he's the boss. So he starting relaxing last year, after we had our daughter, and we both discussed him taking more time off work. Well for periods his business was slow, then when he was busy, his employees handled everything, so he would cook and clean a lot. Damn right you should if I'm working and running my business.
But I guess he doesn't want to make it seems like he's not working to his mother, but rather make it seem likes he's freakin Superman. When I was pregnant, I shut down my business and hated it. I didn't like going to him for money and I enjoy having my own success. He, meanwhile loved being the breadwinner, which is fine, but I need my career too. I hated having to go to him for money, it was annoying.
I love your idea, Im going to keep a journal of everything I do from now on. So when he runs his mouth I can shove it down his throat.
My DH plays super dad as well
My DH plays super dad as well especially with SD. She's an adult now but he always used to tell me about how he did this and that with her and blah blah. He spoke as if she was a constant, however he only had her 4 days a month, EOW. She did come live with him for a year or so but other than that, 4 days a month.
I would hope you would be parent of the year, if you saw your child for 4 days. He threw money at her and spoiled her, while MIL pretty much raised her.
When my SD22 was young, she
When my SD22 was young, she thought it was absolutely horrible that I "made" her father do anything around the house; that was the woman's job.
He did not purposely make her believe he did everything but that's what she thought because he did cook more than me, especially on her weekends and he cleaned the kitchen after he cooked because he would turn it into a disaster area.
Or, if he was doing laundry when she called, he would say so when she asked what he was doing. So, she assumed he did everything and I was a slave driver (he did set her straight, eventually).
When she got married at 18 and had 2 kids a year apart AND did not work AND her husband did NOTHING around the house, she suddenly changed her views about it all being the woman's job.
Suddenly, she wanted a relationship like me and her dad have, where housework is shared.
Well thats my DH, he needs to
Well thats my DH, he needs to set them straight not puff his chest to make it seems as if he's Mr. Perfect. He should be bragging and complimenting his wife, not letting them rake me through the coals. His moms a big gossiper too and they have a HUGE family. Im sure she's running to all of them, talking about how little I do and how much he does.
I ALWAYS compliment my DH and tell him how much I appreciate him. I hear other husbands brag about their wives. The more and more I type the more ticked I get.
Yep I agree with you ladies,
Yep I agree with you ladies, IF he was the breadwinner and busted his ass all day and I did not work. I would clean all on my own and cook but fuck me if Im going to bust my ass running my business AND do all the cooking and cleaning. Im tempted to print off my bank statements and show my MIL, if Im doing nothing all day, then how did I make this money. She's even said to me, "you're always texting on your phone" Duh, yes I am cause I don't want to talk about business when you're here cause its rude, so I text to be polite.
My DH would love going back to my not working and him making all the money. No thank you.
BLAH.